GIFTS FOR THE MEN IN YOUR LIFE
Here are some gift ideas for those special men in your life!
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for
women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not
matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he
has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many
cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything
with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two
words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. Bye-the-
way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one
knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for
his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or
something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for
their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never
buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear
bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones
they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a
big- screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him
go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you
do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink
whiskey or beer.
Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-
shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless
drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely
everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink."
You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly
required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will
always have parts left over.
Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron
Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and
Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers
are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't
know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need.
Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow!
Thanks.")
Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but
they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound
propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The
challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
Rule #12: Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However,
he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th
Century Quilts." everyone knows why.
Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a
chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and
what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an
aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder.
It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy
origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a
hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why
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