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Life In Bed, part one

posted 5/14/2008 6:22:56 PM |
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Her: I’ll never understand your insatiable desire to lick my butt-hole.
Him: You don’t have to understand it as long as you keep letting me do it.
Her: Do you even understand it?
Him: Well, I can tell you that I’ve seen Niagra Falls, the Grand Canyon, Rome, Paris… but I still believe that the most perfectly beautiful thing on this planet is the female butt.
Her: Yeah, well it seems a lot of men have become fixated on girls’ butts lately.
Him: Of course. Butts are the new breasts.
Her: Butts are the new breasts? Would you mind explaining that one to me?
Him: Well, up until recently the breasts were considered the most aesthetically pleasing part of a woman’s body. They were the centre of all men’s daydreams, the obsession of teenage boys everywhere. It’s not like that anymore, now it’s all about ass.
Her: Oh? Then why is it that whenever I take my shirt off, you’re hands are on my tits within two seconds?
Him: I didn’t say men don’t like breasts anymore. I’m just saying that butts have surpassed breasts in importance.
Her: And when did this happen?
Him: I don’t know. Maybe it was all those hip-hop songs and videos in the 90s that were butt-themed. They brought the love of ass into the mainstream.
Her: Fine. I can understand enjoying ass… touching it, slapping it, kissing it. But, I still don’t understand your need to bury your face in my butt crack and lick my butt-hole. It’s just so gross to me. Especially when you do it right when I get home from work!
Him: Why is that?
Her: Because, I often go to the bathroom at some point during the day, and I’m not exactly clean back there.
Him: That makes it even more exciting!
Her: That’s just disgusting.
Him: Oh come on. It’s a scientific fact that the average asshole has less germs and bacteria then the average tongue .
Her: Is that true?
Him: I don’t know, I just made it up…. It seems like it could be one of those interesting facts you sometimes hear about though, doesn’t it?
Her: Why don’t I just shit on a plate and give it to you for dinner? Because to me, it’s basically the same thing.
Him: It’s not the same thing at all. I have a theory….
Her: And what is that?
Him: Perhaps the desire to lick butt is programmed into us from caveman times. You know, because nobody bathed, it was up to the males to keep the female’s butts clean.
Her: The problem with your theory is that if it’s true, shouldn’t females have been programmed with the same desire to eat out the males’ butts?
Him: No… men don’t have to worry about vaginal infections. There’s no health reason why men need clean butts.
Her: I really don’t think you know what you’re talking about. Besides, I can enjoy a nice ass just as much as you can. I’ve always thought you have a particularly nice one.
Him: You don’t enjoy ass as much as I do until you enjoy it on all the same levels that I do.
Her: Meaning?
Him: You should try licking my anus.
Her: My answer to that is the same as the last five times you’ve asked me.
Him: Ugh… I think it’s just that the male ass has an image problem. We need some rap songs and videos about our asses, then maybe they will get the attention they deserve!

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   read more blogs!

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My new celebrity crush!
Life In Bed, part 2: cross dressing
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Life In Bed, part one
"You want to do what?!" Revealing your fetishes
But she talked to me for three hours!!?? Advice for men


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May 14 @ 7:21PM  

That's hilarious.

May 14 @ 11:20PM  
the posterior is soooooooo under appreciated

May 15 @ 12:44AM  
To be politically correct, one doesn't have a great ass but rather is gluteous to the maximus.

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Life In Bed, part one