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The story of Nothing.

posted 5/13/2008 8:16:23 AM |
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tagged: addiction
  nativeamr35

I find myself wanting to write a blog and tell a story. But I have this very real problem. I have no stories to tell. Which got me to thinking. Ouch! Won't do that again.

I have been single for two years this coming July. I've dating some and even gotten laid in that time. But for the most part, I've been alone. Which brings me back to the want for a story. How does one write a story with nothing to tell? A story of nothing.

Well, our story begins with a Jaded, women hating man, who wants nothing to do with women. That was me two years ago. It all seems like a faded memory now. How pitiful I was with all my distain. If only I were better now.

The relationship that ended and made me feel so un-attracted to women was at best a toxic relationship. For the record, we were madly in love with each other. When I sad madly, I mean just that. We had to be insane for being in love with one another. I can only relate it to being a Heroine addict trying to avoid the next fix.

We met online during a time when it was still new to meet people online. I was still married at the time. Although, my marriage was all but over I was still married. I never lied about it to her. I don't recall having giving her the idea that a relationship was even possible at that time. But, never the less we became friends. Very good friends. We talked about ever detail of our lives. All the good, all the bad and ever thing in between. Every minute with her was utopia. An escape from the hell I was living with.

My marriage was a farce. Two people living under one roof with separate lives. I had stopped being intimate with my wife long before I met my friend. Two years before to be exact. I wasn't until after my divorce that I learned that my wife never went without sex, just not with me. My reasons for not being with my wife were simple. She gave me not one, not two, but three STD's. I decided that my health was more important than make my wife happy.

So, here I am, celibate for two years and a wonderful friend who wants to be with me. Its no wonder that we moved from platonic to intimate. My child was 6 years old at that time. I kept my friendship a secret from my child. It wasn't the sort of thing I wanted a child live with. That her father was an adulterer.

A year goes by and my friendship has become a relationship. A weekend warrior relationship, but a relationship just the same. I kept no secrets from my friend. Nothing was taboo from her. So, when the day came that my wife told me that she was moving out, my friend got a call. Not the "she’s finally gone" call either. It was a call to a friend about my broken heart. A hand reaching out to someone for help to ease my pain of loosing my family. She never once flinched about it. She rushed to my side and comforted me as only a true friend could.

Fast forward seven years....

We could not stop yelling at each other. Everything was a reason to argue. Dusty bathrooms, food in the fridge, or just time in a bottle. I felt like I was going mad. I didn't want to argue but I couldn't help myself. I wanted to be a nice guy. Something would not let me. The only answer to this problem is for us to stop talking to each other. The only way to stop talking to each other is to stop being near each other.

And that’s how it ended. She went her way and I went mine. We haven't spoke to one another since that time. I've seen her once around town. I'm sure she has seen me more than once.

Two years......and I can't stop thinking about her. This is what heroine addiction is like......????

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Comments:

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GSpotGina

May 13 @ 8:45AM  
Sex addiction, maybe?
nativeamr35

May 13 @ 9:03AM  
Only if I were willing to have sex with another women.....just can't seem to want anyone anymore.

perhaps I really am that Jaded.
blondie_779

May 13 @ 4:46PM  

Native, maybe just maybe the time is right to try and talk to the lady.Is she in another relationship now?.If she is, sometimes just talking lays to rest ghosts from the past.
Took me 5 yrs to start to move on with my life.

love ya native.
nativeamr35

May 13 @ 4:50PM  
One of the parts of the story I left out is the number of times we broke up and got back together. That turnip has been milked dry.

thanks to anyone who offers wisdom or advice. My best laid plan has been to get to know myself again and be a better person. Then I will look for someone to spend time with.
mrknowuwell

May 13 @ 6:37PM  
u kin think about her....but jus think of the bad times..........that will cure ya real quick
nativeamr35

May 14 @ 6:39AM  
Mrknowuwell,

Yep, do that every time. One of the events that "broke the camels back" is still fresh in my mind. I always thing of that moment and remind myself that is just wasn't worth it.

Now, if only I could stop grading other women be the standard that she set. I think that is my biggest problem. Once you've driven a Porche its hard to go back to a Gremlin.
blondie_779

May 14 @ 1:40PM  

Porche? Darn, I'm only a mini
nativeamr35

May 15 @ 7:28AM  
Mini's make me hot!!!!!
blondie_779

May 16 @ 8:58PM  

Hmmmmm We do?.

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The story of Nothing.