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And The Truth Shall.............??

posted 5/6/2008 4:06:03 PM |
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tagged: sex, new, joke
  straightup_9

Once upon a time, in my younger Hell raising days, I entered a night club (in Mobile, Ala., of all places) and after ordering my Scotch at the bar, I said to the bartender:

" I'm looking for the biggest, fattest, ugliest, stringy-hairedest, stinkingest, dirtyest woman in this town, cuz I'm gonna FUCK her!"

"Really?" he asked.

"I'm dead serious!" says I.

With that he turned and yelled across the room, "HEY, Hattie, Git your ass over here, there's somebody that wants to meet you!"

I felt the room begin to shake and vibrate, as this huge, undefinable shape began moving out of the darkness toward me.

A scent of body odor, 2 day old fish, and Cream Sachet assailed my nostrils.

As she moved into the light, I saw she was wearing a Mumu that looked like it may have been used as the sails for the Mayflower.

Her hair, a florescent orangish color, looked as though it had been smeared in cow dung, and combed with a meat tenderizer.

She smiled, revealing her one buck tooth, and said, "Hi!, My name is Hattie, What's yours?"

I looked her dead in the eye, and replied:

"Hi, Hattie....Most folks just call me 'One Lying Son-of-a-bitch!!' "



And before anyone asks.....She was on here, but left after hooking up with some 30 YO virgin......


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Comments:

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Wordsofwit

May 6 @ 4:21PM  
When I was a veterans employment counselor, I had this guy about fifty come in that was a truck driver looking a local driving position. I said that Yellow Freight was the best one I knew of. Yellow Freight at that time was modernizing its fleet and the oldest trucks were relegated to local LTL deliveries. After I mentioned it to him he said, "No way." I said, "Man that is one of the four teamster companies in DFW. They pay $15.00 for casuals, the if you get taken on permanently, that is $19.88 per hour with benefits." He replied in a Texas drawl, "Well, I have to be in the truck all day and with my wife all night. One of them can't be too old and ugly."
missweet

May 6 @ 4:22PM  
Wow that's awsome!!!
max49

May 6 @ 4:26PM  
Nuff said!!!
Sunshine79

May 6 @ 5:37PM  
OMG, that was fucking great!!! Thanks for making my day!!

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And The Truth Shall.............??