Here is a "read at your own risk"...and as with all my blogs that I begin with a warning...keep comments civil or I will delete them. The following is my input into the subject...JMO
First of all, here is some information I was told by my sister and her husband who worked for 20 years in the Penial Mission in Oakland,CA...working with alcoholics and drug addicts.
If a person begins to drink at say 13, that is where they stop maturing emotionally and in such things as judgment/behavior and a mature reasoning process. If they stop drinking at 50 they are still at that 13 yr. level and it takes at least 7 years alcohol free to "grow up".
It seems to me the other blogs and comments are trying to put an alcoholic in a box...he's this or he's that. It can't be done. Each alcoholic is as unique and different as their personality and their background. "Why" for one will never be "why" for another...whether it's why they started drinking or why they quit. There may be basic symptoms and behavior....but none are alike.
One blog said that "once an alcholic, always an alcoholic". For the most part that is true but not for all. The term "alcoholic" is NOT cut and dried...there are as many forms of it as there are alcoholics. Why certain people start drinking and can't stop also has different reasons for each individual and usually it's a combination of several things...not just one reason alone.
My late husband denied adamantly to being an alcoholic because he functioned...never missed work and I could not get it thru his head that anytime alcohol ingestion disrupts a family, causes strife and pain and alcohol alone is the cause then it was being an alcoholic...they placed alcohol FIRST at the cost of their family. He began drinking around 10 or 12...his thinking was at that level.
Being an alcoholic wasn't in his genes...but it was in his family....they all drank heavily and by the time I met his dad, he hadn't drank for years and was the most quiet, jolly, mellow man you could ever meet....it was hard for me to picture him drunk, passed out on the lawn or behaving violently with his family. His mom was still drinking but she too quit several years before she died....neither his mom or dad did anything but choose to quit and did it without much ado.
My husband eventually did the same thing...just made a decision and stopped it. He continued to go to bars regularly but he drank Pepsi and laughed along with the ribbing he got for it. I know several times over the years when he did have a drink or two...no more. He would share a glass or two of homemade dandelion wine with the landlord...no more. Occasionally a mixed drink or two...no more.
No, he wasn't the "classic alcoholic" but still he was one for years and if you think I don't know what I'm talking about then maybe you'd like me to tell you about his drunken rages, the black eyes and broken nose I received in those drunken rages. I could tell you stories that would turn your stomach.
When he quit drinking, those rages stopped but he was an adult 13 year old. His reasoning ability was that of a child as was his emotions...he threw emotional tantrums, bullied, pouted and I had to raise him along with my own teenagers.
It took 7 years before I began to see a change in him but he didn't live long enough to really grow up. Yes, he had other emotional problems and stresses that slowed that growing process, but he did change...mellowed and laughed more and was more willing to talk with me...and listen. It was awesome to see the difference.
So you each can contribute your thoughts and opinions and personal experiences but don't be so quick to judge each others as wrong or off the mark. Whether you like it or not, you can not put all alcoholics in one box and nail the lid shut. Just like snowflakes....no one is like the next. Each story is unique unto itself...just as we all are.
Softie
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read more blogs!
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sugarnspice005
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May 4 @ 10:36PM
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Each story is unique unto itself...just as we all are.
That is true. 
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GSpotGina
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May 4 @ 11:04PM
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Great blog as always, Soft. You did bring about the differences, and Megan, PP and many others shared some experiences also. Both Megan and I were subject to the alcoholic personality. There's some excellent reading online on the differences we present, except it is copyrighted and I could not bring any parts of it here.
While I personally don't believe that alcoholism is genetic, I do believe the alcoholic personality which stems from the narcissistic one can be a form of mental illness.
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soft_touch938
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May 4 @ 11:41PM
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I think genetic just means they are more likely to become an alcoholic...genes carry alot of family traits.
Enviroment and upbringing have a lot to do with it.
Yes personality plays a big part...but I think the biggest is drinking to drown out pain and heartache...a chosen avenue to hide in...doesn't work but temporairly but my husband drank steadily when he wasn't working. Started drinking in the mornings and drank til closing time going days without food..just booze.
For him alot of it was his upbringing but it developed into a way to forget some things in his life he couldn't deal with. After he quit drinking I watched him go downhill emotionally until the last couple of years he sunk into depression and in the end, I think it was that that killed him....just not being able to deal with his past...sober.
But they all have their own reasons and as far as narcissistic which is self love I don't think I agree with that....it's more apt to be self hatred and that too is selfish and "me first". The alcoholics I've known only appear to be self confident and self centered but underneath that confidence is a person that has no self esteem or self worth and they hate themselves for many things and drinking is one of them.
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l00kin4myprince
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May 5 @ 12:25AM
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Wow! Its incredible how many ways you don't know alcohol can affect you!
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soft_touch938
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May 5 @ 12:44AM
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Funny....that's always what "self proclaimed experts" say.
You're walking on dangerous ground here with your attitude. Obviously you don't know me well. If you wanna get high and mighty, do it somewhere else...I don't tolerate it in my blogs.
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HollyHummy
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May 5 @ 2:06AM
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My one step son is an alcoholic when he was drinking he was a bully with mood swings which cause us to tip-toe on egg shells abound him. He would get mean and kick the shit out of their dogs.
He’s been sober for about 9 years..
Now he is a sober holier then thou religious fanatic bully, that still kicks the shit out of their dogs.
Another words he's still a bully, only sober now. 
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soft_touch938
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May 5 @ 3:23AM
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Some are like that...they have a problem with or without the alcohol. Alcohol just intensifies the bad behavior.
Wayne wasn't like that...he was only mean when he was drunk...which for years he was drunk a lot. Sober he was just pretty quiet.
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swyeter
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May 5 @ 1:41PM
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I find it interesting that there is three blogs about alcoholism that are so radically different in view and how a few of the same individuals differ in their view when commenting. I would also have said I found it amusing except there is nothing amusing about an individual who suffers from alcoholism or any other disease, chronic disorder or addiction.
The first blog and its comments tend to place all alcoholics in “a box” characterizing it as being behavioral/environmental linked. The second blog and comments tend to support how an individual can grow up in a home behavioral/environmental predisposed towards alcoholism but escape being “boxed”. The third blog and comments speaks of alcoholism as an individual and not a predisposition that can be behavioral/environmental “boxed”.
First let me say I find it admirable that the second blogger overcame any real or perceived predisposition to becoming an alcoholic. I also believe their ability to overcome and break out of the “box” supports the third blogger's view that alcoholism cannot be boxed because it an individual disposition just as second blogger proved when they, as an individual, overcame being boxed.
Three blogs with a similar theme but radically different supporting opinions; that is why I said “I would also have found it amusing except………….”
Now I realize there has to be another blog in all this as to why individuals comment differently on similar themes but I cannot figure out how to address it without starting a dispute rather than an intelligent dialog. Then again since I already commented on the first blog, “As I have heard so many say here so often, “This is a sex site” hell most of the people on here do not know how to get laid on a sex site so what qualifies any of us, me included, to discuss and solve the intricacies of alcoholism?”
Therefore, since I have already acknowledged that I am not qualified to discuss or solve the intricacies of this topic I will refrain from initiating a fourth blog on this subject.
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straightup_9
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May 5 @ 3:42PM
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neither his mom or dad did anything but choose to quit and did it without much ado.
My husband eventually did the same thing...just made a decision and stopped it.
You have hit upon a truth that most will vehemently deny....Drinking is a CHOICE...Quitting is also a choice...
There were no "genes" in "Ugh, the caveman" passed down through the many generations that lay dormant, waiting for wine to be invented so they could surface and cause an addiction.
Use, or abuse, of alcohol is, as with other substances, more environmental....If your parents, friends, or co-workers do it, you are more likely to do it...I have NEVER seen an alcoholic that became one without some form of "outside" influence" . And by this, I am referring to People, not incidents.
...just MY opinion..... 
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scotsavant
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May 6 @ 6:57AM
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Being a practicing alcoholic breeds an entirely selfish personality, usually hooked directly to a low sense of self esteem and self worth where one becomes, to him/herself, the center of the universe...the only thing that matters is getting the next drink and, in the process, being, in general, a bastard to everyone who s/he feels stands in their way or disapproves. There's more, of course...the anger, rage, brutality, etc. BUT, getting sober, an often long and painful process, necessarily includes a slow but steady change in personality. Once the alcohol is truly out of the system, an alcoholic begins to have feelings...feelings s/he has medicated away for years and years...and has to learn to deal with them. then comes the realization that they aren't the center of any universe and have to learn to fit in and begin to grow up in a society they don't recognize. Then there is the process of trying to earn forgiveness for the wreckage of the past and finding they can't until they learn to forgive themselves, etc. And all this depends on staying as far away from booze as they can...and of starting to see themselves as others saw them.
There's a BIG difference between being dry and being sober. Being sober involves a change in life, personality, etc. Being dry just means not drinking. Some people become dry for years and years, but never really get sober. The process of sobriety takes a lifetime to complete, one day at a time.
Not my humble opinion...just a statement of experience from my own life and from the observation of over twenty five years of hundreds of other folks who have become sober - and hundreds of others who only became dry.
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soft_touch938
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May 6 @ 10:55AM
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Scots....you are right....except you left out enviorment. It's all of it together.
Drinking usually starts in the teens...it's the thing to do/everybody's doin' it/party time...sorta like smoking and today, drugs. Kids wanna be accepted, part of the "in" crowd. The majority grow up non-alcoholics.
Those who go on to be alcoholics are pretty much as you describe. It becomes a place to hide from...well...everything.
In Wayne's case, it's all he ever knew....his home life was drinking and violence. Therefore he choose that crowd to associate with...he felt comfortable there. By the time he was a teen, he was already damaged to the core from his enviroment and that enviorment...to him...was who he was. To HIM this was just "normal".
Once the drinking starts, it impairs judgment and reasoning and stops the process of growing up emotionally...it's a vicious cycle.
What a person becomes as an alcoholic I believe is based on their type of personality...what their genes are...we all are predisposed to basic personalities that we're born with...our enviroment then shapes the strengths and weaknesses in that basic personality I've seen alcoholics that you'd call "sloppy drunks"....they aren't violent, in fact they're pretty jolly most of the time...they're just a pain in the ass to be around. Others are jolly until something strikes them wrong and they erupt. Some...like Wayne had certain things that would push him over the edge to violence and often if that issue didn't come up, then he'd force it just so he could take out his anger on someone..and that was usually ME. For Wayne, his bottom line issue was anger that he didn't know how to deal with so he drank it away but it only opened up an avenue for it to escape and his excuse was...well I was just drunk. That is NOT reasonable thinking...but alcoholics can't reason...period.
I've seen alcoholics who don't have a violent bone in their bodies. They are just in their own little world and they hallucinate. Old Harry use to sit in a booth with his arm around an imaginary girlfriend and have long conversations with her...or sit at the bar and talk endless...mumble really...to himself. They lose control of their bladder and wet themselves, they're scruffy and dirty and there's usually someone in their life that tries to watch over them...keep them from dying in a back alley somewhere.
I say again...you cannot say "THIS is an alcoholic". Everyone of "us" has our own ideas of what....and why...there are alcoholics, each according to our own observation and experiences. Alcoholics are as individual from one another as anyone else...their 'whys' are as individual as there are alcoholics. There are alcoholics at both ends of the spectrum and strung out inbetween.
There are people who will say Wayne and his family weren't true alcoholics in the true sense of the word...they just had a drinking problem. I watched them stop cold turkey their "drinking problem"....I watched them...after quitting... occasionally (but rarely) have a drink..just one and it didn't send them back into their old ways. Yet anytime alcohol interfers with ones life, disrupts family and causes pain and damage to the family structure...it is being an alcoholic because alcohol is first in their lives over anything else.
Why are there alot of "functioning alcoholis" and others hit skidrow? Why are some alcoholics "bingers"....the occasional 'stay drunk for a week' drinkers? Why are there some who just come home from work and daily drink themselves to sleep? Some quietly drink all day long without making waves...it's just their choice of tranquillizers.
You cannot pin an ABSOLUTE label on alcoholism. You can keep this blog going for an eternity and not one of you will have an absolutely correct answer. It's funny though how each of you are right. You're ALL right because every single comment hits on a piece of the answer but it takes each opinion put together to make a whole...not ONE stands out as..."THIS is the answer..."
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the_real_deal
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May 10 @ 2:53AM
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I see, more and more, what a nice lady you are, Soft. It would be nice if ALL people could accept others just as they are...good, bad, ugly, sad, beautiful. I guess, though, when so many are stuck in their 'teenage years' throughout their lives THAT makes for difficult relationships.
What a wise lady you are!   
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greatsax
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May 10 @ 8:31AM
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Actually scientists have located a gene that increases the stimulus to drink. Sort of like the receptors in the brain that create the desire to smoke. The idea of alcohol addiction being a mental illness is disturbing and I do not agree. That again is a stereotype that really does not apply to the disease. It is a physical disease caused by certain factors and genetics in the brain. That is not my opinion. That is the current science. And soft is touch is correct. You can't put that in a box and wrap it up neatly. Like cancer has different forms and different ways of presenting...and often different outcomes. Any doctor will tell you it is a PHYSICAL disease. It does effect the brain. I usually don't comment on these blogs because I don't like being censored but this was a good blog and wanted to support the premise.
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soft_touch938
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May 10 @ 10:36AM
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Thank you deal 'n great for your comments.
I don't know if I can paint a picture of what I think about alcoholism being in the genes...but let me try.
I don't think we have an "alcoholic gene"...one that says.."well, just have a few drinks and I will make you addicted". I think it's the combination of all our genes together...the mixture of characteristics from the set of genes we get from our parents that predispose us to certain behaviors.
Then you mix those predisposed genes with upbring, enviroment and one finds themselves in a "set up".....their genes carry the characteristics that make it likely they will become addicted to alcohol.
It isn't the alcohol itself that addicts them...it's the RESULTS of how alcohol affects them...the high, the euphoria, the feeling confident and smart and funny. It lowers inhibitions, one feels so socialable and accepted among the crowd that they've chosen to hang with...they've found their niche. Or the effects of alcohol for those who drink privately is numbness..a sedative to help deal with stress, it mellows them out.
It's the effects we receive from alcohol that is addicting...that old term of "crawling in a bottle to drown our sorrows". The characteristics of those genes we inherited...the combination of them predispose some people to use alcohol and the reasons for it are as numerous as each person that chooses that path. Yes, they CHOOSE that path...for all it's pitfalls and heartache, I think the one outstanding characteristic of their combination of genes is simply weakness, their inability to deal with life...so they drown it in alcohol because it simple feels good to do so and they are too weak to fight it....it's the path of least resistance to them. It's a 'feel good' place to hide and that hiding becomes the addiction.
That's why an alcoholic receives councilling...it's those character flaws that need fixed...fix the weaknesses, the pain, all the things that have led to drowning our sorrows in alcolol in the first place.
Softie
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greatsax
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May 10 @ 10:51AM
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Yes I would agree and the environment affects us in ways that are often not clearly understood. My point is that all is controlled by the chemical interactions in the brain.....everything from appetite to sexual desire to desire for climbing a mountain compared to walking on the seashore. The way all these factors interact is still a mystery. But it can not be argued that all starts with simple chemicals that interact in the brain....and that is why science has now begun focusing on that as a cure for the disease. But you make good points and it is true as far as our knowledge takes us now.....just my opinion on all of it.
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