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Alcoholic Parents

posted 5/4/2008 9:15:18 PM |
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  l00kin4myprince

Gina asked a very good question about alcoholic behavior and this is my take on it from personal experience with an alcoholic parent.
My mother was an alcoholic( yes was, she died 9/6/98) pretty much from the time I can remember. Now I know my mother loved my siblings and I from the bottom of her heart, but for some reason that was not enough. For a long time I was really pissed off at her and couldn't understand why or how she could leave us to the world because of drugs and alcohol... After a while the alcohol consumes them and they are not the person they want to be, even when people recover, they are always recovering. Alcoholism is a disease that tears aparts families and it takes a really strong supportive family to bring this person back from the dark side... For a long time I kept saying she should've been stronger than that then to let it consume her. I used to think that my mother would beat me because I would piss her off when she was drunk, then as years went passed and she had her moments of so called "sobriety", where she wouldn't drink for two months, she still beat on me. Its called being a dry drunk, they yearn for it so much its almost like its still there, along with the drastic change in moods. It takes a strong family, a strong support system and a truly determined person to be able to fight alcoholism. Another perfect example, is another family member I have currently that almost died, suffered strokes due to the effects alcohol and couldn't even remember her addiction to alcohol, still acted as she did as when she started drinking... Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic! Alcohol should be illegal! What do you think?

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Comments:

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GSpotGina

May 4 @ 9:25PM  
Its called being a dry drunk, they yearn for it so much its almost like its still there, along with the drastic change in moods.

That's an interesting way to put it. I'm sad, for the suffering she put you and your siblings through. Sorrier still that she never came to terms and acceptance that it was she who destructed and continued to destruct your family.

Alcohol should be made illegal as many other things, but it won't stop the use.
belle1010

May 4 @ 9:29PM  
I just posted a comment on Gina's blog that would apply here too.

And I agree with Gina's comment on this blog as well.
sugarnspice005

May 4 @ 9:32PM  
Alcohol should be illegal! What do you think?


They tried that before..it was called Prohibition. It didn't work. And Gina is right..even if it were illegal..it wouldn't stop the use. Look at all the illegal drugs out there, and those who use them.

I've had my share of experiences with alcoholics...an ex boyfriend who was an abuser, both verbal and physical, and then my late fiance, Mick, who had been "dry" for 20 years before he passed away. My best friend divorced her husband the same year I lost Mick, he is an alcoholic, refuses to admit to it, refuses to get help...he spends his days drinking and blaming the world because he lost his business and is trying to live on SSI.

1bunny629

May 4 @ 9:42PM  
It is sad, but true. You are always an alcoholic. You just don't know it till you have your first drink. It is in your genetic make up, you just don't become one. I am sorry for your loss of a Mother that couldn't control herself, and for your childhood without a choice. Blessed are the children that have no choice, and are safe today!
asnet

May 4 @ 9:52PM  
No. You can't make alcohol illegal any more than you can make food illegal because some people eat too much, become obese and create an enormous drain on the health care system as they progress into heart disease and diabetes.

What also strikes me, Princess, is the number of people on this site with some history of abuse as children and/or adults. Why are so many abuse victims attracted to this sex site? Abuse is a tragedy that haunts people all their lives. I wonder if their meeting with Benedict when he was in the US will make any lasting difference for the victims of abuse by the clergy.
Wordsofwit

May 4 @ 10:15PM  
Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic! Alcohol should be illegal!

I can understand the pain of alcohol in your lives due others' personalities. I have known many alcoholics. But for every alcoholic I have known, I have known at least 100 people that drank that weren't alcoholics. Nobody has the right to make that 100 pay the price for the one.
walkntune

May 4 @ 10:30PM  
Alcohol is not the problem. If she didnt use alcohol she would have found some other way to escape her realities!Her problems were in herself and she just tried to use alcohol to cope with the way she felt!Some people use food but we cant go around and make food illegal!
walkntune

May 4 @ 10:30PM  
Alcohol is not the problem. If she didnt use alcohol she would have found some other way to escape her realities!Her problems were in herself and she just tried to use alcohol to cope with the way she felt!Some people use food but we cant go around and make food illegal!
walkntune

May 4 @ 10:32PM  
And I say this coming from someone who had an alcoholic father who was extremely abusive!
jcarolina

May 4 @ 10:44PM  
Well, I can truthfully say you turned out very well, M.

There will always be people with substance abuse problems. They can't help it anymore than one can help being hungry. It is sad, a lot of lives are destroyed by alcohol and drugs.

Making it illegal would only make things worse. As a couple of folks have said, Prohibition didn't work. There were people getting poisoned by badly distilled alcohol. Crime went through the roof, and nothing really changed for the good.

The sad truth is that there isn't much we can do. Alcoholism doesn't usually manifest itself in obvious ways immediately, so it's next to impossible to detect an alcoholic before it's too late.

I did a research paper in college about this and other issues concerning substance abuse. According to research, most alcoholics never stay sober for any length of time, even with treatment. Most, not all. I've personally seen people drink everything from mouthwash to window cleaner. Even anti-freeze.

Alcoholism is very powerful, and takes a lot of hard work to overcome.
beefygoblin

May 4 @ 10:50PM  
Just becouse some suffer from road rage doesn't mean personal motor vehicals should be banned.

When you make something like alchohol illegal...well you know how prohabition went... people didn't exactly stop drinking...

Some people are just self destructive, it if not alchohol then some other substance or gambling or fighting, or god knows what else. They will always find some way to get "high". Nothing you can do about it. Human condition.
SxzeNewMe

May 4 @ 10:51PM  
I was a bit worried when I saw the blog about alcoholism how you would react, but why I would do that I don't know... It was YOU who kept it together at the funeral home when I lost it and could pick the little cards they hand out, and it was YOU who was strong enough to stand at the podium and talk about your mother - without faltering, without breaking down...while I cried uncontrollably. It was YOU who handled the relentless callers when I preferred to ignore the world around me...shit, I needed drugs to cope; you were strong enough to deal with it. At 34 I lost my sister and was a pathetic mess, while you - at 14 - had lost your mother and were coping. Why I would worry that a blog about alcoholism would bother you, I don't know...but it surely dos bother me.

I'm going to keep my thoughts on alcohol and alcoholism to myself (for a change)...All I want to say to you, hon, is until someone else has walked a mile in YOUR shoes, they can't pass judgment on your way of thinking. Though I know my mom is also drinking herself away, too, I still have my mom - you don't.

Love you, Meggie! Keep on keeping on, sweetie :)
ThePurpleProphet

May 4 @ 11:18PM  
No, alcohol should not be banned or be made illegal. But all alcoholics should be put behind bars so the rest of the world can be safe.
StraddleMyNose

May 4 @ 11:42PM  
No, alcohol should not be banned or be made illegal. But all alcoholics should be put behind bars so the rest of the world can be safe

I agree with this comment.


TattooedRawkStar

May 4 @ 11:47PM  
Why are so many abuse victims attracted to this sex site?

I think you miss the point; it's not that people who have, or know someone who has, substance abuse problems are drawn to this site (or any other, for that matter)... This site is a nice microcosm of adult middle America; nobody on here is filthy rich, and because internet costs money, nobody on here is homeless-poor. The real evidentiary indication here is that a fairly decent percentage of average adult Americans either have, or know someone who has, the aforementioned substance abuse problems.

Changing the laws will not affect that one iota; especially as the economy gets worse, the rich get richer, and the standard of living decreases for the middle and lower classes...those of us who use substances to cope with our degrading quality of life will actually begin to increase in numbers, regardless of laws enacted to prevent it.

"Criminal penalties have clearly failed to prevent widespread use of marijuana... Law and health are two entirely separate issues." - Bob DuPont, Director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, President Nixon's "drug czar", at the 1974 NORML annual conference

"Prohibition goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation and makes crimes out of things that are not crimes." - Abraham Lincoln

"Understand that legal and illegal are political, and often arbitrary categorizations; use and abuse are medical, or clinical, distinctions." - Abbie Hoffman

"U.S. CONSTITUTION - Void Where Prohibited by Law" - Unknown

"The prestige of government has undoubtedly been lowered considerably by the Prohibition law. For nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced. It is an open secret that the dangerous increase of crime in this country is closely connected with this." - Albert Einstein, My First Impression of the U.S.A., 1921

"For every action there is an equal and opposite government program." - Unknown

"A Prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded." - Abraham Lincoln: Speech in the Illinois House of Representatives, Dec 18, 1840

[/QUOTE]"Alcohol didn't cause the high crime rates of the '20s and '30s, Prohibition did. And drugs do not cause today's alarming crime rates, but drug prohibition does. Trying to wage war on 23 million Americans who are obviously very committed to certain recreational activities is not going to be any more successful than Prohibition was." - U.S. District Judge James C. Paine, addressing the Federal Bar Association in Miami; November, 1991[QUOTE]


Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
The Lord's prayer: 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
The Gettysburg Address: 286 words.
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.


It is not my intention to minimalize the horrible pains that come from loved ones being controlled by the substances they use; surely, you have a stronger perspective on this than I do. My goal is to point out that throughout the history of this country, and throughout the history of free men and free thinking, prohibition of ANY sort is exactly the sort of basic destruction of freedom that makes criminals of good people. Keep the government out of it; those assholes can't even buy a toilet seat for under a grand.
l00kin4myprince

May 5 @ 12:04AM  
I have to admit a lot of how you are raised plays into whether or not you let it consume you... And I myself go out drinking once in a while, but I have to be extra careful when and how much I drink because the risk is there! I grew up with it in my life, I made the choice at an early age that wouldn't be me!
themama

May 5 @ 12:20AM  
I know what you went through. My mother who I don't know why is still alive. Is an alcoholic..
It was a hard life growing up with here. Watching her day in and day out..
She only wieghs maybe 98 pounds..
I also posted on Gina's blog about this..
We still have a very long road in dealing with my mother...

THis is what I posted on Gina's blog...
Well I know for a fact due to my mother is a alcoholic ...
that yes it does change they way they are.. When she is getting her supply of alcohol in her system I can handle being around her even though she is a drunk...But when she doesn't have it she is just a total witch to be around..
There is two sides to my mother...
My family has tried twice to put her in rehab.. But alcoholics are good at putting on a false face and walk out the next day..
We no longer support her in her drinking.. Or give in to what she needs..
It has been a lifes battle with my whole family in dealing with her..
l00kin4myprince

May 5 @ 12:35AM  
Asnet I think more than half the world's population was abused as a child, but there are only a few who have comes to terms with it and can speak about it openly!
CAPTNORM

May 5 @ 12:55AM  
Your insight is valuable and touching. Your strength is special to have seen you through this with the grace that you have in explaining it. I learned something tonight. Thank you.
swyeter

May 5 @ 3:52AM  
I find it interesting that there is three blogs about alcoholism that are so radically different in view and how a few of the same individuals differ in their view when commenting. I would also have said I found it amusing except there is nothing amusing about an individual who suffers from alcoholism or any other disease, chronic disorder or addiction.

The first blog and its comments tend to place all alcoholics in “a box” characterizing it as being behavioral/environmental linked. The second blog and comments tend to support how an individual can grow up in a home behavioral/environmental predisposed towards alcoholism but escape being “boxed”. The third blog and comments speaks of alcoholism as an individual and not a predisposition that can be behavioral/environmental “boxed”.

First let me say I find it admirable that the second blogger overcame any real or perceived predisposition to becoming an alcoholic. I also believe their ability to overcome and break out of the “box” supports the third bloggers view that alcoholism cannot be boxed because it an individual disposition just as second blogger proved when they, as an individual, overcame being boxed.

Three blogs with a similar theme but radically different supporting opinions; that is why I said “I would also have found it amusing except………….”

Now I realize there has to be another blog in all this as to why individuals comment differently on similar themes but I cannot figure out how to address it without starting a dispute rather than an intelligent dialog. Then again since I already commented on the first blog, “As I have heard so many say here so often, “This is a sex site” hell most of the people on here do not know how to get laid on a sex site so what qualifies any of us, me included, to discuss and solve the intricacies of alcoholism?”

Therefore, since I have already acknowledged that I am not qualified to discuss or solve the intricacies of this topic I will refrain from initiating a fourth blog on this subject.
straightup_9

May 5 @ 1:48PM  
Alcohol should be made illegal as many other things, but it won't stop the use.

This is a PROVEN fact...reference the "prohibition" era, that ran from about 1920 until the mid 1930's.





orzie

May 5 @ 10:35PM  
after reading all this I need a shot of Sammy Hagar.

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Alcoholic Parents