A business man was getting ready to go on a long
business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort
with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he
thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her
occupied while he was gone.
>
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started
looking around. He was browsing through the dildos,
looking for something special to please his
wife, and started talking to the old man behind the
counter. He explained his situation.
>
The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos,
special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything
that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there
is The Voodoo Penis."
>
> "So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
>
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled
out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols
and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay
an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed,
and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what
it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."
>
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box,
darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole.
The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so
that a crack began to form down the middle.
Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo
Penis, return to box!"
>
The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box
and lay there quiet once
more.
>
> "I'll take it!" said the businessman.
>
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a
special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was
say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was
unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo
Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her
crotch and started pumping.
It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever
experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms,
she became very exhausted and decided she'd had
enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck
in her, still thrusting.
She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
>
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if
they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to
drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another
incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police
officer saw
this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then
asked how much she'd had to drink.
>
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had
anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing
stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
>
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant
voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."
>
> The rest is history.
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