I made a promise last night to someone I consider to be a very dear friend that I would write a blog this morning and not use any swear words (unlike the one I did last night that got deleted) and that is what I am intending to do...........just not sure how well it will work because when I am angry and frustrated I have a tendency to think I am still on the farm but here goes........
In coming to AMD a long time ago I came with a goal to accomplish and as time went by that objective changed and so did I. I started writing blogs here because I found a community I wanted to belong to and it really didn't take very long to do that......soon I was a member of this community and found so many friends that I never would have in the offline world. I became relatively popular and although it pleased me that people read my writings it was never a popularity contest for me. I found many people that I considered excellent writers..........some of the same people that I wouldn't ummmmmmmm well without using any cuss words.........the same people I wouldnt throw water on if they were on fire now........yet at one time we were friends or so I thought...........I guess I am not the smartest person in the world sometimes.
I never saw the need to control people on this site.........and to be honest I really didnt see any need for anyone to control things........yes moderators were there for the more abusive but when nasty people came along we could either deal with them or choose to ignore them. My opinion on how to handle these people have changed over time and I tend to ignore most of the junk unless its directed at me........that bothers me more than being attacked.........the fact that I let stuff slide that I never would have before.........now I feel like one of those fence straddlers who dont stick up for others because I dont want to be involved and I want to close my eyes to wrongs..........anyone who knows me knows that is not the type of person I am......I am an advocate for anyone who is unjustly picked on......accused of stuff they didnt do and most of the time for the underdog.
I realize that some of you think that I just slinked off like a beaten dog when Canu and I got into the fight and for the most part I kinda did.........I stepped back and was making a decision whether I wanted to continue on this site or not.........and in actuality I have yet to make that decision.........but in the beginning of this process I read very few blogs and made very few comments although I was accused of a lot of stuff I didnt do nor would have done. But that is not my point in this blog......past is past and when I was still contemplating moving on I lost a really good friend and mentor for AA who passed away of cancer. When I was at his funeral my car was hit and serious damage was found later but at the time I was unaware of that. I returned home from his funeral to get a call an hour later telling me my husband was not going to make it thru the night. I made a 3 hr trip in 2 1/2 hrs and got to spend the last 40 minutes of his life with him although I am not sure he even knew I was there........at least I did. When I left the nursing home I found I had a flat tire and that started the month of going without a car to find out all the damage that had been done to my camaro. In that same period, my sponsor for AA walked out of my life because it was her friend who hit my car and I turned it into my insurance as he wasnt taking care of the damages. Every time they would fix one problem another one would crop up that was broke and I finally got my car home yesterday.
Last night I was talking to a good friend who without his support this last month, and the support of my son...........I would probably have lost it completely, and found out that there had been a blog written by a member here accusing me of being another member here...........the member that I was accused of being had written blogs on Monday and as far as I go on monday I left my home at 6a and did not return to my home until 11p as I went to Arlington National Cemetery to bury my husband. He is buried in lot 59 plot 3091 and his name was Sgt. Lynn Gary Hall....if any of you want to check that out.
My life for the past month has not revolved around AMD or any other site.......AMD was my life for a long time during my own illness wouldn't allow me to do anything other than sit at the computer especially during the end of my illness I wasn't even allowed to drive. For those who don't know me I had written over 400 blogs and very few of those were ever to defend myself or anyone else........they were written because I love to write.........some were funny, some were serious, some were sad........but all of them were written from my heart. Those blogs are deleted now and they are deleted because I deleted them......they were not taken from me I made that choice. I make decisions on how I feel and what I want to do and although others opinions can sometimes have some effect on my actions for the most part I make the decisions alone. And because of that I take full responsibility on any decisions I make.
So here are some facts...........believe them or not.......I know they are truths and thats all I care about:
Continued in comments
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read more blogs!
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Ewe_Wish
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Apr 30 @ 10:31AM
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1) my original screenname was Love2laughalot and I no longer use it or have used it since I came back a year ago. My original name was Looking4funat45 which I changed to Ewe_wish after running a contest in the blogs for the best name possible. I have had 2 fake profiles one called smellypussy which i made up to go with a blog that I had written for Borty and the other was LadyLulu which was a cat profile that I made up to flirt with Thomas DaCat........(BTW Thomas DaCat is someone I wrote a lot of blogs about and is the subject of the book I have been writing)
2) I am a real person and I act no differently here than I do in real life........there are others on here........Ynot, MrsYnot, Lisa46 Borachone to name a few who have met me in real life and will vouch for that.
3) I have never asked anyone to choose sides contrary to lies that went around that I did..........again ask the people I am friends with if I have ever asked them not to be someones friend just because I didnt care for them.
4) Yes I have become a lurker because my time is limited. I have things to deal with that not only involved the death of my husband,.my car, and working with the VA but because I have just needed to get me back to being me........and i am still not a hundred percent there..........so instead of logging on as online I come in invisible and read a few of the blogs that I want to and than log off..........
5) I can guarantee you this much, that although there are a few here that would like to see me cancel my account I am not going to do that. I owe this place a lot......I made some great friends here.......and I am not going to walk away or be pushed away and once I am back to being able to be me.........I will probably start writing blogs again..........the choice will still be up to you as to whether you read them or not..........that really isn't something I care about.........I write cause its a part of me and as long as there is one person who reads it........than i will continue to write.
In going thru this transformation this past month however I will tell you what I no longer will tolerate........the snide comments and lies about me..........if you dont like me stay away from me.........thats what I have done to those who I dont like.....not that it stopped a blog appearing last night about me........but I see that the moderator canceled it along with the one I wrote........which should have been canceled.......but I got my point across anyways..........Dayna is going to be who Dayna is..........not someone you decide to make me be.........I have as much right here as anyone..........
Now I have to leave and drive to Cleveland to take care of some business and at some point by Monday I will be leaving to take off for Minnesota to visit my children, attend my future daughter-n-laws bridal shower and to spend Mothers day with my children. While I am up there I will be doing an apartment search and looking for a job so that when I move there at the end of May I have everything in place. I lost my husband who was one of my best friends..........but that is a part of the circle of life........and I need to continue getting on with mine.........not only because I have no choice but because that is how Gary would want me to be.........
To all my friends I love you guys and thank you for all your support thru this whole ordeal.........to the ones who got to hear me cry, rant, scream and be in temporary pity parties..........thanks for being there..........I hope that someday I can prove to being a good of friend to you as you all have been to me.
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Wordsofwit
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Apr 30 @ 10:41AM
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a blog written by a member here accusing me of being another member here
There have been some nasty fights over the years. But there has been more than a few things happening recently that are just plain odd.
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princealucard
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Apr 30 @ 10:51AM
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Sounds like you have had it rough! Sorry for that hope things get better for ya! I have read several blogs on here lately how AMD use to be and how bad it is now. All i have to say to those people is: Quit ur bitchin', if ur so unhappy with AMD freaking leave and find somewhere else to place ur so called blogs and take ur friends with ya. Life is just too short, unless ur an unhappy person and want to make everyone else that way! Good luck to ya!
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sugarnspice005
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Apr 30 @ 10:53AM
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To all my friends I love you guys and thank you for all your support thru this whole ordeal.........to the ones who got to hear me cry, rant, scream and be in temporary pity parties..........thanks for being there..........I hope that someday I can prove to being a good of friend to you as you all have been to m
You have already proven to be a good friend sweetie. To me at least.
And I can hardly wait to see your writings again...like I've said before..you've got a talent for it.
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soft_touch938
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Apr 30 @ 11:22AM
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Dayna....you and I have had our differences and probably mostly because I choose to slink off and stand up for no one or nothing. I was getting e-mails that were conflicting and confusing and since I was fairly new here I hadn't a clue who to believe so I just choose to step aside. I felt any contribution I made would have just fueled the fire because I really didn't know what was happening..and happening so fast.
But know this....in my heart of hearts I sympathized with what you were going through and I continued to hope and wish the best for you. I should have let you know that but for some reason I felt that I wasn't someone you wanted to hear from. You had your supporters....I was new to the scene, not that well known to you and I felt it best for me to just stay out of your life.
I will continue to wish you the best of everything. Your presence here on AMD in my opinion is an asset to this community with your writing talents and your creativeness.
Wars and squabbles will continue...it's just par for the course. Some will change things for the better, some not. And some will hurt our hearts profoundly. Yet peace can be restored and we've lost enough talent already....I'm hoping you're not one of them.
Wishing you peace and blessings in all you do.
Soft_touch
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casuallylooking
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Apr 30 @ 1:01PM
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but that is a part of the circle of life........and I need to continue getting on with mine.........not only because I have no choice but because that is how Gary would want me to be......... And he told you that many times..... He didn't want your life to cease because his was ending early..
You and I have discussed many times the saying about someone being in our lives for as long as they are meant to be..even though we aren't always ready to let them go then.
Gary was in yours for that time. You both taught each other many things.. but one thing I believe he wanted you to definitely always remember is that for those left here, Life Should Go On.. and it's not life if you don't enjoy living it.
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swyeter
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Apr 30 @ 1:18PM
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Dayna, sometimes we have agreed and sometimes we have disagreed but the one thing I have respected about you is that when we disagreed we at least were able to agree to disagree and move on to something else. We did not make it our life’s work to convince the other they were wrong, stupid, etc or try and change their mind.
That is adult way of resolving issues; after all let’s be for real are you ever going to agree 100% with someone?
Myself, I admit I enjoy a good debate. It keeps the gray matter working and sometimes one can come to knowledge of and accept things they had not thought of or knew previously. But I do not like personal attacks. That is childish and generally indicates that the other individual knows but will not accept that they are not capable of debating the subject and feel them have to resort to personal attacks to “win”.
Debating is not, or should not be, about winning or losing but about learning because when properly debated you leave with more knowledge than when you arrived at the podium as should the people who heard the debate.
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sumdaysoon
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Apr 30 @ 3:08PM
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i told you so.........   
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Ashinatrix
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Apr 30 @ 4:48PM
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I have never asked anyone to choose sides
Nope......sure didnt 
I'm a big girl......I quit trading friends when I was in grade school
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rescueremedy
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Apr 30 @ 6:14PM
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Hi Dayna ...  I`m happy to see a blog from you and that you are coming up in my neck of the woods ...  I`m glad you will always be you ....don`t change...... I wouldn`t know you then Take care , J
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ponme
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Apr 30 @ 6:16PM
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I'm a big girl......I quit trading friends when I was in grade school
This only works if you give up half your friends for the other half.. I found this out the hard way.
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Sunshine79
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Apr 30 @ 6:40PM
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I still love you and miss you tons.....Really wish you were back....It's not the same here without you!!
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StraddleMyNose
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Apr 30 @ 10:24PM
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Dayna, I hope you start feeling better soon.
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greatsax
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Apr 30 @ 11:09PM
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Do you guys realize that last night she said "fuck" 8 times in the same paragraph...with a bunch of "shits" thrown in?????   
And the paragraph was only three sentences long!!! How does she do that???? 
Thats why I hang around her...I want to learn to do stuff like that!!!!   
You know how much respect I have for Gary and for you. I know it has been hard but also know you are here with the ones you really care about. Your welcome........so that all being said.....wanna fuck????  Sorry...I just am not a normal person...
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borty293
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May 1 @ 10:34AM
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I guess I don't have to tell you Dayna ..how devestated or should I say releived that Smelly Pussy cancelled her account. Wish we could get back to those days...remember how we used to laugh on the phone and how we would plan blogs on the IM...fuck those were hysterical days...there's no reason we can't get back to those days. I haven't been around here very much cus lately it hasn't been my cup of tea. We used to come on here and laugh our ass's off...now its more fun to watch paint dry.
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TastyCupcake
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May 24 @ 11:30PM
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Sorry to hear about all of the adversity you've been facing lately. I hope things are better for you now, and you'll soon be experiencing a lot more happiness and a lot less tragedy.
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greatsax
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May 25 @ 12:03AM
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Things are better I think for you now than when this was written. Moving is a pain and I wish I was there to help...but at least life goes on despite everything until our moment comes and we move onward and upward...glad you are doing better...and am thinking of you and commenting to bump this up for others to see.....
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