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Man Laws

posted 4/27/2008 12:06:24 AM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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Somebody sent me these; My fave, the Dutch Oven.


1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is okay for a man to cry, ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking
your boss's car.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a stag party may be legally killed
and eaten by his friends.
4. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever,
unless you actually marry her.
5. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's refrigerator is
However, it is okay to complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday gift for another man.
In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is optional.
At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7. In a van or mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit
not the weakest.

8. When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

9. You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax.
If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch Oven),
she's officially your girlfriend.

10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning
on a tropical beach, and it's delivered by a topless model, and only
when it's free.

11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
to kick another guy in the nuts.

12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. EVER!

14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem. You didn't see anything.

15. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink
as much as the other sports watchers.

16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
must remain sober enough to fight.

17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both; that's just greedy.

18. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.

19. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing,
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. In all other situations,
an almost imperceptible nod is the only communication
considered acceptable.

21. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

22. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal,
monkey sex, bear in mind the fact that you're feeling weird
and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before
the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.

25. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an X-box 360.
End of story.

26. There is never a good reason for guys to watch ice skating or men's gymnastics.

27. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
really know
the difference? To stay informed, the definition of each is
herewith presented:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted
by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, "Are you still cleaning
house, or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer and having lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife
square on the ass and saying, "You're next, fatty!"

This should clear up any confusion.
No offense meant to anyone.

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post a comment!


Apr 27 @ 12:11AM  
Wow! No wonder half the men in the world are crazy, you guys got way too much shit to worry about!

Apr 27 @ 12:13AM  
you guys got way too much shit to worry about!

Oh this list is nothing....the man law list I've seen is almost 200 rules long lol

Apr 27 @ 12:16AM  
I've seen this somewhere before on here...

Apr 27 @ 12:20AM  
Watching movies like "Titanic" or "The Notebook" and other sobby-boring chick flicks is only allowed if you're about to, or already are banging the chick you had to watch it with. If you watch chick flicks because you like them, you have to forfeit your man-card.

Apr 27 @ 12:26AM  
Using secret code words around women is acceptable. Telling women the meanings of secret code words like "Duff", or "Mo-Ped", or any other code words is strictly forbidden.

Apr 27 @ 12:34AM  
Under no circumstances may a man give the advice that marrying his girlfriend is the right and wise choice. Unless said girlfriend is a hottie bi-sexual chick that loves experimentation with other hottie bi/lesbian women. A man's decision to a life of solitude, submission, and eventually depressing lonely one-woman slavery is his fault only.

Apr 27 @ 12:40AM  
Watching cable tv series like "The 'L' Word" or "Sex in the City" is forbidden. Unless you've TiVo'd it and are fast-forwarding to look for titties and ass shots.

Apr 27 @ 3:05AM  
WOO HOO ,awesome.

wait til I show my mate sunshine this

Apr 27 @ 7:30AM  
How about,, If a hottie wants to do you and your friend it's ok, but you MUST stay at opposite ends of her at all times.

Apr 27 @ 9:50AM  
13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. EVER!

Don't tell this to Max!!

Apr 27 @ 10:46AM  
I figured many men would want to wear speedos to boost their ego, I mean it shows off your package and that's what guys are always boasting about right? Someone please explain?

Apr 27 @ 10:53AM  
We always want to show off our package, but a nice package in a little wrapper is often not the way to go. If we are like Ron Jeremy and can give ourselves head, why would we give a crap about wearing a Speedo? If I could give myself head, I'd be too busy to be here!!!

Apr 29 @ 12:49AM  
1txsteer it hurts when you fall off the table.

Apr 29 @ 1:41AM  
but if you're wearing a speedo, and you just came out of the water, wouldn't shrinkage be an issue?

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Man Laws