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Don't Read This.... You'll Go Blind

posted 4/24/2008 5:30:56 PM |
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  fightingirish04

The things that we were always told that would make us go blind... Moms are gullible... Or they are liars!!!! Either way, they don't know jack and the tooth fairy owes me about $75...

Bet I never see a nickel of that money.

Sitting too close to the TV was supposed to hurt your eyes. Turns out, as most of you probably already know, it doesn't. That's what they used to call an "old wives tale". What is it about old married women that makes them say complete foolishness? Do we really need to brush our teeth before bed? And that waiting half an hour to swim after a meal..!!! Bet I missed out on some great pool time for NOTHING!!!

And how many people have actually been struck down by Masturbation Blindness? It must be a disease that has been just about wiped out...like small pox or polio. I should have the same visual acuity as Stevie Wonder right now, but dolphin flogging is apparently just as apt to lead to blindness as watching your sister-in-law take a shower. Neither one has affected me one bit!

"If I had a million dollars....I'd be rich."

I've got that song in my head...basically because I'm tired of working. I am. I'm ready to be lazy. I think I've earned it. I went to a military academy, got a job, played the executive and ran my best time in the rat race. I guess I'm not ready to RETIRE, per say... I'm more interested in finding a wealthy and generous woman in the Dallas / Ft. Worth area who just wants to give me money for the sheer pleasure of watching me spend it. Maybe she wants me to wash her back every now and again. Perhaps a little slap and tickle... whatever. I just want to get my hands on a lot of cash so I can basically watch Sports Center and eat Cheetos. I want to be on welfare...but not POOR. Does that make sense?

I'm not a whore.

Maybe I am...hell, I don't know. I just want to sit down for a few minutes and take a deep breath without wondering where my next beer is coming from. Anybody want to adopt a ruggedly handsome alcoholic who smells good and can sing all the words to, "I've Got You Under My Skin"?

mmmmm.... Cheetos.

Kyle~

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Don't Read This.... You'll Go Blind


Comments:

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Nathanial

Apr 24 @ 6:10PM  
funny as heck. thanks for the laugh sir
Sunshine79

Apr 24 @ 9:07PM  
You are only tired of "working" after I've been at your job.....so quit your bitchin'!!!

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Don't Read This.... You'll Go Blind