A drunk is sitting in a bar. There is a very buxom blonde a few seats down from him with breasts size 44DD'S. A fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the lady's breasts and spills all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off of her breasts. This happens a couple more times. The next time, the drunk jumps up and starts to lick her breasts. She decks him! He's laying on the floor moaning and groaning. 'Why do you let the bartender do it?'
'Because he has.............(you're gonna love this)
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A LICKER LICENSE!
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Mens Golf Locker Room Talk
Several men are in the locker room at their golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. You would too, right?
MAN: Hello.
WOMAN: Honey, its me. Are you at the club?
MAN: Yes.
WOMAN: I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?
MAN: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.
WOMAN: I also st! opped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.
MAN: How much?
WOMAN: $90,000.
MAN: OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.
WOMAN: Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They`re asking $950,000.
MAN: Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $50,000. It's a pretty good price.
WOMAN: OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!
MAN: Bye! I love you, too.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape. He smiles and asks, "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
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A Nun in Hooters
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local
Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and
every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights
would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the
revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the
restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is
a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the
nun.
So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant,
and she proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back
out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud
round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand.
Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender.
"Would you like a drink?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf on
the statue is lifted up, the lights go out. Now, how about that
drink?"
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