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Contest Part 12 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes

posted 4/22/2008 7:12:35 AM |
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  Wordsofwit

This is the final part, five jokes. I had began posting them on Friday, the 11th. You can vote for the ones that you find quite funny. You can vote for all of them if you like.

The voting will cut off at 6:00 PM on Friday 4/25.

I will then tally the votes and post the top ten or so. Then the final phase begins. People can then vote on their three favorites out of that group until 6:00 PM on Monday 4/28. I will then post the results in order.

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#1 - An old man came home drunk with a sheep under his arm and walked into the bedroom where his wife was reading.
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with whenever you are not in the mood." he says.
His wife replies, "If you weren't so damned drunk, you would notice that is a sheep, not a pig."
He looks at her and replies, "I wasn't talking to you."

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#2 - Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.

The 70 year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."

The 80 year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

The 90 year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, and at eight I crap like a cow."

So what's your problem?" ask the others.

"I don't wake up until nine!"

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#3 - An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

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#4 - Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!"
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!"
And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!"

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#5 - A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and had not been seen for five days.

An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds.

The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were okay.

"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love."

The old man replied, "I thought so ... would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They're choking the shit out of my ducks!"

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Comments:

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Wordsofwit

Apr 22 @ 7:13AM  
I will go with numbers 1,4, and 5 today. I can't figure out why number five makes me laugh, but it does!
Scottishtease

Apr 22 @ 7:26AM  
# 4 + #5. Wit.
itsallforfun

Apr 22 @ 7:36AM  
1 and 5 for me this morning
fantasyfactory

Apr 22 @ 8:24AM  
#5 most definately!
themama

Apr 22 @ 8:34AM  
#5 makes me laugh too...
ThePurpleProphet

Apr 22 @ 8:42AM  
My heart is with number 2 today.
soft_touch938

Apr 22 @ 8:52AM  
#4...definetely...

I like #5 but it must be too early for me to be reading jokes...took me a couple of minutes to catch on...
NachoBaby

Apr 22 @ 9:56AM  
# 2 and 3 for me.. well 1 is pretty good too.
sugarnspice005

Apr 22 @ 10:03AM  
#1, #3, and #4...
loveableone

Apr 23 @ 8:56AM  
I vote for #4 and #5!!
Nathanial

Apr 25 @ 12:08AM  
1,4, and 5
Nathanial

Apr 25 @ 12:12AM  
and #5 is only because the mental picture of ducks choking on ...the peels.....is just too dang funny not to laugh at. Not that I have anythin against ducks, the ones I've met have been very nice, although somewhat messy and noisy, individuals...but it's just funny as heck.

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Contest Part 12 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes