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True Story-What WOMEN go thru for MEN! (400th Blog)

posted 4/20/2008 8:40:39 AM |
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tagged: laugh, sunshine

Alright all, prepare to LAUGHHHHHHHHH!!!

.............. ............... .............. ................ .......
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal-The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play
with the kids.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few
hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: The bathroom

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a cup of hot wax, you just
rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and
press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am
mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

So I pulled one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in, so I get
the hair dryer and heat it up to 1000 degrees. (Cold wax, yeah right!) I lay
the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!!
Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body
hair and maker of smooth skin extrodinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak
back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my
panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply
the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half
of my Who-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a
long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRIIIPPP!!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blind from pain!!!...OH MY GOD!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??
Breathe, Breathe...Ok, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so
much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory
that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There is no hair on it.
Where is the hair???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive of my body, which is now covered in
cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped on the toilet?
I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DANG!!!!!!!! I hear
the slamming of the cell door.
Who-Ha? Sealed shut!
Butt? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think
to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!!"
What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run
the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered
bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right???

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having you nether regions glued together, is
having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, no I am stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the prcelain!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put
in the bathroom!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of
how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.....
"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!!" There
is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal, but she
does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax
is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and
she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!! Right!! I
should be the joke of someone else's night?

While we go through the various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off
with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have you girlie goodies covered in
hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving
the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, my dignity has taken a
hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling
for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when finally I see my saving grace...the
lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose
at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care, "IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!" I get a
hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief
and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT!!!!!! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. I am going to try hair color next week.

****This was a true story written by a friend! NOT ME!****
*********Hope you laughed hard, I did*********

............... .................. ................ .................. ......

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post a comment!


Apr 20 @ 8:46AM  
Thanks for sharing, that was great!

Apr 20 @ 8:50AM  
ok I will be the first to admit it I LAUGHED till I cried.. OUCH how many of us have had simular things happen to us.. ACK...

Apr 20 @ 8:56AM  
OMG! Thank you for sharing this! It totally cracked me up!

Apr 20 @ 8:57AM  

That was positively hilarious.

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think
to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!!"


Apr 20 @ 9:19AM  
Great story,,,the shit we girls do.....and part of the reason I found it soo amusing, that could happen to any of us....I used the walmart chemical peel one time.....

Apr 20 @ 9:27AM  

Apr 20 @ 10:22AM  
Happy 400th Blogday to you!

Apr 20 @ 10:36AM  
Yep, I left a comment on your last blog asking you yesterday if you knew what blog that was (399)?. I was waiting for you last night to do this one so I could congradulate you on your 400th blog!

Apr 20 @ 10:51AM  

Congrats on your 400th blog, sweetie............good job.

Apr 20 @ 10:56AM  
Congrats!! This story cracks me up everytime I hear it.... I sent this to a friend overseas 2 years ago and they are STILL laughing!!!


Apr 20 @ 10:58AM  
Sunshine, i laugh so hard everytime I hear this one!!!. Happy 400th blog dear. Tease.

Apr 20 @ 10:59AM  
I've seen and loved that true story, too. Congrats on the 400th.

Apr 20 @ 11:46AM  
yeah i will have to admit you go through some rough stuff ......think i'll stick to shaving with a razor but anyhow may your waxing experience be better next time and alot less painfull

Apr 20 @ 12:01PM  
Now I know why I keep getting asked to shave every women I've been with. And I thought that it was because I was good at it!

Apr 20 @ 4:35PM  

Apr 20 @ 4:41PM  
ohmygawd... i have busted my side wide open...

Apr 20 @ 5:39PM  

Your poor "friend".

Apr 20 @ 6:07PM  
Oh, that had me rolling.

Apr 20 @ 7:30PM  
OMG!!!!!! I can't stop laughing!!!!!

Well, now I know to not try using neither cold nor hot wax near my "wo-ha".

Thanks for the laugh...kudo for you.

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True Story-What WOMEN go thru for MEN! (400th Blog)