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Diary pf a Sub-Slave Day 4

posted 4/17/2008 11:34:32 AM |
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You will all note that this slave, that now has a name but will reveal it later, did not post her diary yesterday. Some may wonder why. Did Master get angry with the responses to the first two? Did this girl get punished because someone dared to ridicule our life style after this humble one put it out for friends to read? Did HE just decide that nobody needed to know exactly how her naming came about?

Actually none of the above. You see on Day 3 this girl woke up sick. Not because she was abused, or had to sleep on the floor, and not because she was treated poorly, in other peoples minds anyway. Because of a new location my body started to react to certain natural exterior forces. This girl woke up with a sinus headache and allergies and couldn't open her eyes let alone get up and function around the house. The alarm clock went off and as I tried to get to my feet to start my day, this slaves knees buckled and she ended up back on the floor, blind with pain.

Master heard me fall and being the concerned person that he was came to my side immediately and inquired if I had hurt myself. When HE realized that his slave couldn't move, the FIRST thing he did was offer to remove my collar, thinking she was having trouble breathing. When she told HIM that wasn't the case he loosened it anyway. Then HE knelt beside this girl to make sure i hadn't gotten severely hurt in the fall. HE then asked what happened.

Master will tell you, this slave is not one to be fussed over. she tried to assure HIM that she would be fine in a few minutes, but HE noticing that i couldn't even open my eyes knew better than that. Which made him angry. You see, HE contracted to take care of this slave when needed. And humbly she did need taking care of. First off HE started the shower and got it steamy, and held me in it. This loosened my sinuses which made them drain. HE also cleaned my eyes so this slave could actually open them some and see where she was. HE then immediately put me in HIS bed, gave me some antihistamine and went to make HIS own coffee. For most of the day I was ordered to sleep. Not easy for this slave, i will admit. Master made the meal, Master cleaned up after HIMSELF, and Master took care of this girl, never leaving her side for more than a few minutes the entire day. HE also called this girls son to see if she needed any special medication, and made sure she took it.

Now some of you, who do not understand this lifestyle, may ask why someone who demands so much, how you think, treats me like an animal, can then become benevolent and caring.

This is all part of the lifestyle. This slave still has a life outside our arrangement. This slave is here on vacation (Yes i have a job! ). Hoping upon hope that she has found the Master that understands her needs, as well as, can fulfill his.

(Master has given me permission to write the rest in first person, so it will be easier to read for those not in the lifestyle)

I am not going to address the long list of questions asked on a number of blogs, But I will respond to the one on-going concern many of you have asked. The Question is "What am I getting out of this?"

I am getting a loving, caring person who lives for every breath I take. Do you think I would have gotten up at 4:00 A.M. on a Sunday morning, and travel 1700 miles, through 3 airport to get here if I didn't know who or what I was walking into? I'm not stupid or insane. DKW and I talked, and talked, and then talked some more. He asked me lists of questions that I had to answer, and he gave me his answer to the same questions. The questions weren't always your normal dating question about favorite food, etc. They were tough questions about how I felt about the lifestyle, what I had done before, what I knew and didn't know. What I would and would not do. What kind of "play" did I allow, and what were my absolute limits. He sent me website after website with loads of information so I could see for myself the array of styles and tastes, discussing my feelings about each and every one, so that there would be no surprises and I would more easily set MY limits. Yes, I set the limits NOT HIM!!!!

I will admit the last three days have been intense, why? We had a lot to learn about each other in a very short time. And frankly I wasn't expecting to get sick and see this side of him this week. But I did know from talking to him it existed. I WANTED to know just how stern he could be, so I could set limits with him and also know how and what to put in a final contract if there ever was to be one.

I have a rental car not 20 feet outside the front door, people. Believe me, if I wanted to, I could have left at anytime, and still can. Also I have TWO safe calls I can make, because DKW INSISTED on it. One to someone on this site and also my son, who has also called to check on me. He ALSO insisted that I set up code words, unknown to him, that I could easily put into any blogs or emails to my safe-calls, so they would immediately know I was in trouble. My AMD friend gets an e-mail from me everyday, just to keep thing sane for both of us.

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Apr 17 @ 11:36AM  
A little background. My first D/s relationship; I was in a high power job. Worked 16-20 hours a day 6-7 days a week, and slowly killing myself. A good friend who had Dom tendencies, literally pulled the Dom card to save my life. Sometimes strong people need to learn to slow down and I was one of them. And for a very strong woman who owned and operated a multi-million dollar company, he had best be stronger than her or she'll eat him alive. I didn't date much, because frankly I scared men to death.

DKW will tell you, I'm still like that. Fighting tooth and nail if someone wants to show me any love and kindness. He almost had to tie me in bed yesterday to keep me there, and it wasn't for play. He's a strong person, not only physically, but mentally tough, and can wear me down when I need it. By insisting that I assume this role full time as a sub-slave he's making sure that I sleep, eat, take my meds, exercise, and even SLOW DOWN and watch a movie or two. It's not all torture, that WOULD be insane. at least for me. But I was writing those diaries from the "slave" point of view. And I did assume that role a good bit of the time. All in the name of our first meetings "give and take," exploring each other limits and boundaries. Learning each others ways, wants, needs and desires. Seeing firsthand where the lines were drawn. I also understand it could have been much, much worse than what I received.

Yes I got my collar, and I'm damn proud of it. But again it was my choice to accept it. He bought it for me and only me, with the hopes that I would want it, but it was MY CHOICE. It means we choose each other. It's the same as a commitment present, nothing less. I have committed to try to build a relationship build on love, trust, and mutual understanding, and he is committed to the same. I will do my damndest to take care of him and as you have read above he has well demonstrated this also. I wish more people went into marriage with this kind of talking, learning, exploring and COMMITMENT that DKW and I have done, the divorce rate would be half I'm sure. IMHO.

I don't expect anyone in the VANILLA/WHITE BREAD world to understand the commitment it takes to make a relationship like ours work. We communicate and LISTEN to each other constantly. The time to tell someone you are allergic to NYLON rope is not when he's binding your hands. He knows my medical history and I know his. Just in case something horrible happens. He is also fully responsible for my well being when we play. He has to watch me, to make sure I'm never in trouble, and he has to control all aspects of what is going on in the scene. He does know the words NO & STOP!!!

Yes he's in charge, but there is always a leader in every relationship. I have no problem letting him make an informed decision. By informed I mean I have a full and complete say in any and all discussion about everything. Yes, he makes the final decision, but as a very rare DOM he also assumes full responsibility for all outcome good and bad. He holds only himself responsible alone, should any decisions go wrong.

I am fully aware that this lifestyle is not for everyone. I'll admit, 6 years ago I would have said the same thing. "It's ok for you, but not for me." Then I learned how a strong Dominate man can take over some of the pressures of life and living. Not completely, but he is there for me when I need to break down, or I need a swift kick in the ass. I don't have to run my life and my home when I'm away from the office, because someone else is there taking a good part of the pressure off. I'm not flaking out, I have responsibilities and I'm not shunning them. That is not my intention. But if you've ever had a job where everyone is expecting you to make ALL the decisions, so that Payroll and taxes are met, production quotas are seen, and revenue remains high, then you'd understand coming home to someone who is seeing that your personal life is run for you, in a loving, caring and thoughtful way helps relieve pressure and let's you unwind. And when DKW puts my collar on, and tells me to kneel at that point I am his, and he will see that nothing touches me until I leave for work the next day. And in some ways I get to become something very similar to a carefree child. Which most know that they have little to worry over and are happy and joyful, because in their hearts, they KNOW that they are watched over, protected and every little worry in the world is not theirs to fuss with, all they need do is to be carefree and enjoy their little world, away from stress, pressures and strife, THIS is also what I get from knowing my Master is surrounding me with his total and complete love, care and protections, so that I can let go and be free.



Apr 17 @ 11:37AM  
I am making a blanket thank you to everyone who read, commented and kept an active discussion going on the Diaries, both day 1 and 2. I hope it brought some information to those who have wanted to know about the lifestyle and if it really does exist. Let me tell you from experience it does. And I have had the experience of a DOM wannabe who could have ruined me forever before DKW. So if you're looking into this lifestyle ASK QUESTIONS AND READ, READ, READ.

For those who do not like the lifestyle, made the comment and moved on I respect your response as well. As I've stated above, 6 years ago I would have said the same thing. I can live with your comments about not liking or wanting what DKW and I have. To each their own. I wish you well in your search for a partner of your liking.

These blogs have been enjoyable to write. The content was real. But DKW and I will probably not live 24/7 like this once we are together full time. It's just too much work for both. It was a learning experience that I would have never passed up for anything and look forward to further exploration with my new Master.

Oh, I almost forgot. DKW has named me. The name he has given me is Edera which is Atlantean for precious baby. There have been many others some old English, some modern. But I think Akri and I will stick with this one.

Thank you again for reading and your comments.


Apr 17 @ 11:46AM  
kudos to you and DKW

btw..this is from one who is in the VANILLA/WHITE BREAD world.

And hopefully that question has FINALLY been answered.


Apr 17 @ 11:59AM  
May I add that I was the onsite safe call because I am closest geographically and also know the lifestyle? Oh .. guess I did already. edera did not ask me of her own volition, DK would not meet with her if she did not have a safe call or three.. was it six he wanted at first? In place. This, to me at least, shows a man of deep compassion and concern for his lady's well being. Definitely not the M.O. of an abusive pig. Both knew that if edera had used her safeword with me, I would have been in the car and on my way to pick her up immediately after I called the police.

For those outside the lifestyle and curious, he was just as anxious about meeting her and whether he would meet her needs as she was about meeting him. So, really, there's not that much difference in any first meeting. Only the roles they chose. D/s is only a portion of their relationship, however, they have a bond of mutual understanding, trust and open communication to build a lifetime of love upon. Hmmm.. as edera said, I would love to see MORE relationships built this way from the start.

Her collar is a symbol..much like an engagement ring. She just chooses to wear it on her neck rather than her finger. It still means the same thing. I choose this man to be mine.

Luckily, they met, and are having such a good time that she extended her vacation time .. so evidently neither of em smells funny.

Apr 17 @ 12:06PM  
I was wondering what happened..
Glad to hear you are feeling better...
I also give you a kudo...
Sounds like you and DKW.. getting along great...
A man with that much compassion is hard to come by..


Apr 17 @ 12:21PM  
I am glad for you two, I have never lived this kind of lifestyle, not sure if it would be for me, however the idea of letting go and letting someone else take control must be a great sort of freedom, I don't think it is sad at all to me it seems more empowering for both of you!! Hope those sinuses are feeling better! and good luck to both of you.

Apr 17 @ 1:02PM  
Blue & DKW, I wish you guys all the best, keep up the wonderful writing, I love to learn new things & you guys do that every day. Hugs, Tease.

Apr 17 @ 1:25PM  
An excellent example of just how important talking things over and trust can build a strong relationship! Have a great time on the rest of your vacation! Wonderful blog..... and here's a big greenie!

Apr 17 @ 1:40PM  
Oops should check before posting..
that should of been reading.....

Apr 17 @ 1:44PM  
Good luck to both of you and enjoy yourselves as you want to.

Apr 17 @ 2:51PM  
Blue and DKW...I wish the best for both of you...your lifestyle takes trust between two people that is amazing.... oh heres a cookie

Apr 17 @ 2:52PM  
I'm still proud of you. If this is what you chose and you are enjoying it, more power to you. Especially reading your background. Kudos my dear! I hope things work out between you so that you can see more of eachother.

Apr 17 @ 3:01PM  
Let grown-ups be grown-ups not kids!

Apr 17 @ 3:04PM  
I think whatever you two do is just fine with me, and I know I dont need to tell you Rod, you go for it buddy!!! You two are good damn people and who cares what some lap dog has to say about whatever two adults do with whatever they decide to do to, or for each other. If I had KUDOS I would give you one, but pervia hasnt given me any yet... I wish the both of you te very best. and dont forget to feed the lap dog

Apr 17 @ 3:30PM  
Damn fine blog! I'm so happy that you two found each other! I'm just getting to know you some Blue, but Rod has been a friend for some time and I've wished that he could find the happiness he seems to have found with you as he deserves it!
Do not let what others say, who do not, cannot and will not ever try to understand upset you. You are the last time I checked well above the age of 21 and know your own mind of what makes you happy. If they cannot express joy at you having found that happiness perhaps it is because they themselves are jealous as they sit home alone staring at the computer screen instead of being with someone they care about as well. Just my opinion.
Congrats to you both!

Apr 17 @ 3:31PM  
Sorry, caught up in the moment again.....I'll go stand in the corner again...

Apr 17 @ 3:36PM  
Not you LBS, I think you're cute! At least your breast and boots are, cant see the rest of you.

Apr 17 @ 3:47PM  
i just gave you a kudo, one of them green things
but don't waste your time telling this bunch anything.

Apr 17 @ 4:40PM  
Welcome back Sam! Wondered when you'd wander back in

Apr 17 @ 5:18PM  
You two know how I feel about both of you... I'm glad you kids had fun and hope things find a way to work out...

Apr 17 @ 5:18PM  
Great Grinning Gawd on a Unicycle can't the Moderators of this site shut this piss trap up for twenty minutes? I'm quite sure you have some highly important editing to get to don't you?

Apr 17 @ 5:37PM  
Personally I think its great you two are happy. But the reality is, and SOME people do not realize this, the only people who's apinion matters is yours and DKW, if you two are happy who gives a rats ass what others think. Oh and I admit it I for one like the blogs please keep them up.

Apr 17 @ 6:40PM  

Damn annoying fly!


Kudo for this latest addition to your your blogs. Kudos to the wonderful folks of AMD. You know who you are...

Apr 17 @ 6:49PM  
Kudos for you!

As for the other...fuck it I give up. I'm just going to go on my happy way...wishing you both much happiness while I'm at it! You both deserve it!

Apr 17 @ 9:19PM  
As I've said before, not my choice for a lifestyle, but I applaud your courage in posting... And I do appreciate the blogs as they are very informative, and to be honest, I view my hubby as head of the house. We may discuss finances, decisons, etc., but I believe that he makes the final decision. he is the breadwinner, not me (I don't work outside the home), but my job when he comes home is to make sure that he has a drink if he wants it, a snack, or whatever. Does he do the same for me? HELL yeah! Does that make me a submissive? Don't know, don't really care. This is my marriage, not anybody else's.

Sorry, got long winded there.. didn't mean for that to happen!

green thingy for ya!!

Apr 17 @ 9:32PM  
I am a bit late getting in on this today. Sucks having to work all day.

I have been making a few observations just for myself while reading this today. The one thing I am noticing, which frankly I didn't expect to see, was a profound connection between 2 people and the beginning of a possile committed relationship.

Now granted, this life is not what most of us envision nor do we necessarily want, but as I was reading your comments I felt my heart flutter a bit because I recognized myself when you describe the daily demands on your life and the relief you can feel when you are with DKW. How many of us wish for that very thing? you wear a collar, big deal if it demonstrates the security you feel why not. So there is behavior some of us can't see ourselves what. It's your lives and you treat your actions with respect.

I for one am very happy the blogs have continued in this vein. I think we, in the vanilla world, have learned a thing or 2.

Thank you so much!!!

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Diary pf a Sub-Slave Day 4