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Because I'm A Woman....

posted 4/15/2008 5:18:48 PM |
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tagged: woman, silly, because

Because I'm a woman, When you see me fiddling with a coat hanger in sub-zero weather trying to unlock a car door, It's because I'm trying to open my car door so I can get inside and get your beer home before it freezes. Because I'm a woman, I don't carry a extra key because it never occurred to me to ask you to stop and make me one on your expensive garage thinga-ma-jiggy you spent our vacation money on.

Because I'm a woman, when the car isn't running very well, I will stomp my foot and wonder what the hell is wrong with the POS, and wonder why we didn't use the vacation money to buy a new car instead of an expensive garage thinga-ma-jig.

Because I'm a woman, when I catch a cold, I will continue to do everything around the house because I cannot rely on anyone else to do it. I cannot rely on anyone else to make sure the kids get to school, clean the living room, or scrub the toilets you and your buddies crapped in after you stared at the engine and got grease on your hands and thereby the toilet handle and also did not bother to go over them with the Clorox Wipes provided for your convenience for that reason.

Because I'm a woman, I can be relied on to purchase all of the groceries that we need at a reasonable price, including your shaving cream, your razors, your roid cream, and your beer, on the money you provide us with each week- in addition to everything else the kids need and a few things for your retired parents.

Because I'm a woman, when an appliance breaks down, I'd rather buy another one than put up with the danger or mess it produces for you to rip apart an electrical item. I like you and I want to keep you. Also, I cleaned up this kitchen just last week when I was sick, and you refuse to take this out to your expensive garage-thinga-majig. You're afraid you'll break it, too.

Because I'm a woman, I'll let you have the television remote. I don't particularly have time to watch TV anyway. I have to pick up the kids from school and take them to soccer and ballet, pick up the dry cleaning and drop by the car payment, clean up the dust in the garage from the expensive thinga-ma-jig.

Because I'm a woman, I ask you what you are thinking because I am worried about you. I am worried I made you unhappy in some way, and that breaks my heart. When you get aggravated with me for making sure you're OK, because I'm a woman, it hurts.

Because I'm a woman, I will visit your mother, invite her for dinner, go out to lunch with her, take her with me when I go to soccer games and ballet recitals, and treat her as though she is my OWN mother. I will make sure that whatever she gets for Mother's Day is equally as nice (or nicer) than what my mother received.

Because I'm a woman, I ask you if you liked the film to be considerate. I appreciate you taking me out but if you didn't enjoy the movie that I picked I'd like to discuss what we'll see the next time, so you have just as much fun as I do.

Because I am woman, I want to look good for you. So when I put something on and ask you how it looks, and you say something negative, it does singe a bit. I thought I looked nice for you and now I know I don't. I don't think you're a fashion expert. I just would like to know what you like to see me in.

Because I'm a woman, I sincerely appreciate the laundry you did last Saturday while I was at the mall stretching out our family budget to buy new work pants for you, new soccer cleats for our son. new ballet costumes for our daughter, a beautiful gravy boat for your Mother's birthday, a new blade for your expensive thinga-ma-jig at Sears, because your broke the old one trying to fix an eleven dollar toaster, and party supplies for the youngest's Forth of July party at preschool, and I appreciate the laundry you are about to do, Because I am woman, I sincerely hope you appreciate the fact that while you were hung over from drinking and staring at an engine with your newfound buddy, I fumbled with your riding mower this Sunday and couldn't start it, so to get my exercise I used the push mower on our acre lot I'd look good in the dress I managed to buy for myself at Target after I was finished buying everything else. The dress you don't like.

And one more thing,......Because I'm a woman, I look at other men and think "I'm so lucky. My man is SO much sexier." Regardless if you really are or not - because I know you love me. And I love you. I wouldn't mind so much you looking at other women if your reason behind it was REMOTELY close to that.... 'NUFF SAID!



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Will You....
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Beautiful Girls...
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The Whole Damn Monkey Troop...
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post a comment!


Apr 15 @ 5:46PM  
This is great stuff..and I'll add/change, "Because I'm a woman, if something breaks down, I'll fix it myself! Don't tell me I "CAN'T do something, damnit!" Woo hoo! Mechanical stuff is really pretty simple, once you know what you're doing! And I usually only end up with just a few leftover parts when I'm done!


Apr 15 @ 5:54PM  
Thanks Kris -

I loved your version so much better!!


Apr 15 @ 8:34PM  
Have you thought to maybe show your hubby this one??

Apr 16 @ 1:03AM  

Apr 16 @ 3:13AM  

It's funny cuz it's true.



Apr 16 @ 3:49AM  
Yeah, some of it's true, that's why I commented on it with a laugh.

I thought about writing that maybe the reason a woman may be trying to get into her own car with a coat hanger in freezing weather is because she left her last tampon or pad in there and needed it pretty bad. Okay, I was joking, and it was meant to be taken funny with what I wrote. Still a funny blog!

Apr 16 @ 8:19PM  
i'm glad your a woman.........and lots more like you.........

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Because I'm A Woman....