AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Free Dating

Affairs *Joke*

posted 4/15/2008 12:36:18 PM |
4 kudosgive kudos what's this?
    report abuse
tagged: joke

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary, we had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'

The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
But always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'Not this time!'

The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part

he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented,
'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.

It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home

'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'

The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,' she said, ' pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied, 'the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied:

'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'

The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:

'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to,' his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend,

her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied, 'now just rest and let the poison work.'

Money talks.....CHOCOLATE SINGS!

One of the affairs is a little morbid But was a little funny

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

   read more blogs!

Blogs by BABYDOLL666:
Please help if you can
Things to make you think!!!
Affairs *Joke*
Really Drunk
My rant and rage
Newfie and his dog *Joke*
Gynecologist Visit *JOKE*
Baccon & eggs joke
wtf are people thinking by sending a message like this one
The day the penis asked for a raise *joke*
Buyin condoms at wallmart *joke*
Love that canadian coffee (viagra sex joke)
Never Choke in a restaurant in the South *JOKE*
Another fun night!!!!
lack of sleep and nightmares
Time goes by to fast
What a fucken morning Bitch session
Older Generation *Joke*


post a comment!


Apr 15 @ 12:47PM  
I vote for #4!

Apr 15 @ 12:52PM  
Numbers two and three are hilarious, plus I had not heard them before. That qualifies for a kudo!

Apr 15 @ 1:19PM  

Those were great!
I really liked the kindhearted husband that brought the sandwich and beer in #4!!!


Apr 15 @ 2:25PM  

Apr 15 @ 2:52PM  
Man, number to is just plain wrong....but damn funny!

Apr 15 @ 3:53PM  
cheaters never prosper

free dating | mission statement | testimonials | safety warning | report abuse | safe list | privacy | legal | 2257 | advertise | link to us

© Copyright 2000-2016 Online Singles, LLC.
Affairs *Joke*