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Contest Part 5 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes

posted 4/15/2008 10:30:38 AM |
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  Wordsofwit

I will be posting about 40 geriatric jokes over the course next week or more. I had began posting them on Friday, the 11th. You can vote for the ones that you find quite funny.

I will admit that only about 15 of the 40 would get my vote. The series has already began being posted. You may vote for as many or as few as you like. You don't have to rank them in any kind of order. The jokes will be numbered to make it easy. All you have to do to vote is indicate the joke number(s) in your comment. If you made a comment on the previous posts, that does not count as a vote unless you cite the number (1-4)

If you have one that you want to enter, email it to me. A week after the last group is posted, I will post a blog featuring the top ten vote getters.

If you want to see the geriatric joke blogs already posted. It will be easier to access them through my profile. Have fun!

Joke #1 is making what I believe to be its debut on the World Wide Web. I heard it told by the late comedian, Jan Murray, at a show in Las Vegas in 1974. I wrote it out from memory last night.

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#1 - A 75 year old business owner was ready to retire. He had invented a process that revolutionized the sausage industry many years before. It was his desire that the business remain in the family, but he had misgivings about doing so. He only had one child, his 45 year old son. He had sent his son to an excellent university, but all his son did was party and it was only through gifts to the school that kept his son from being expelled. Over the years nothing changed and it broke the old man's heart. The apple had fallen so far from the tree, as his son was a sarcastic, ungrateful, lazy, bum.

He talked it over with his wife and she had done as she always did, beg him to give her son one more chance. He agreed to talk to him one last time in hopes of seeing some interest, initiative, and respect for once. He took his son to the family sausage plant and showed him what he had built.

"Son," he said with pride, "This is the machine and process that I invented. Essentially, you put in a pig and sausage comes out."

His son replied wryly. "If you wanted to really accomplish something, you would invent a machine where you put in a sausage and get a pig."

"Your mother had a machine that did that 45 years ago."
__________________________________________________________________

#2 - An old guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital, and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribes continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours. The nurse, who is rather astounded, says, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor? The doctor replied, "It'll keep the sheets off his legs."

__________________________________________________________________
#3 - A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown
and say "Super sex.." She walked up to an elderly man in a
wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Super sex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll
take the soup."

_______________________________________________________________

#4 - A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jay bird fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

   read more blogs!

Blogs by Wordsofwit:
Coffee Calamity
Contest - Top Ten Geriatric Jokes Final Results
Rerun Jokes - a Partial Remedy
Is He a Player or is it Sour Grapes From Her?
Women and the Change of Life
Contest Part 12 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 11 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 10 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 9 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 8 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 7 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 6 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 5 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 4 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Geriatric Jokes Part 3
Geriatric Jokes Part 2
Geriatric Jokes Part 1
Whales - My FAVORITE Joke
Kan U Spell - Survey
The First Thing that You Did to Get Sent to the Principal’s Office? - Tommy
Guys' Profiles and Essay Responses...the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
"Leave it to Beaver" and Poop Butt Chicken - Tommy
Assorted Jokes
Uncommon Denominators


Comments:

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Wordsofwit

Apr 15 @ 10:32AM  
I vote for number one naturally. Hell, would I bother writing it out from memory if I didn't find it hilarious?
itsallforfun

Apr 15 @ 10:34AM  
I have to go with #4
sugarnspice005

Apr 15 @ 10:39AM  
We can vote on as many as we want? Right? If so...my votes go to #1 and #4 those were funny!
NachoBaby

Apr 15 @ 10:52AM  
# 3...

# 1 is too close to reality for me.
Playful

Apr 15 @ 10:54AM  
I like #1 also and #4 is a good one too.
sundance64

Apr 15 @ 10:58AM  
#3 and #4...but 4 is better!
themama

Apr 15 @ 11:08AM  
Ok can I vote on them all?
Thay are all just to funny....
cottoncandydragon

Apr 15 @ 1:28PM  
#3 - hilarious!!
Sunshine79

Apr 17 @ 9:59AM  
Still love # 2...Always makes me laugh!!!

Man was I wishing I had a cock & viagra after my visit to the beach 2 weeks ago!!
soft_touch938

Apr 17 @ 11:40AM  
# 4..... I know her
Nathanial

Apr 25 @ 2:20AM  
#4....

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Contest Part 5 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes