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Geriatric Jokes Part 3

posted 4/13/2008 10:08:35 AM |
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I have a collection of about 40 geriatric jokes. I will post a few daily for the next several days. I do this about once a year. Some of these you will have heard, some you haven't. Enjoy, and feel free to add some geriatric jokes of your to the comments.

#1 - A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves when the little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather smiles. "I'll bet you five dollars you can't.
It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather, impressed with his grandson's ingenuity, hands him five dollars ... then grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars?"
The grandfather replies, "Yes, I know. But that's from your grandma!"


#2 - An 80 year old widower was introduced to 75 year old lady by a mutual friend. The lady was quite smitten with him from the beginning and they got along wondrously. After they parted company, the mutual friend asked the man what he thought. "She was probably good looking back in the day but I am not at all attracted to her now. She has a neck that is so droopy and wrinkled, it looks like a turkey."

The mutual friend was contacted the next day by the lady who asks what the old man thought. Being honest, the mutual friend told her. Her feelings were hurt, but she really like him. She asked the friend to arrange another meeting, saying that she could fix the turkey neck problem. Another meeting was arranged and the lady looked lovely, years younger, with no wrinkled turkey neck. The old man became interested and a date was made to go to the movies later in the week.

After the old man left, the mutual friend asked, "Helen, you look wonderful. It is like you turned the clock back 20 years. Did you find a magical anti aging cream?"

"No," she replied. "This time when I got dressed, I didn't put on a bra."


#3 - There was an old man whom, though loved by his son, was being put into an old-folks home because the son could not provide the round-the-clock care the old man required.

"Don't leave me here to die alone here!" the old man said, when the day finally came.

"Now dad," said the son, "we discussed this, and you know its the best thing for you. I'll visit twice a week, and you can always pick up the phone and give me a call."

So the son left, and the old man was put to bed. He immediately grabbed the phone and called his son. "You've got to come get me. This is a terrible place; the nurses all ignore me, the food's terrible, and I'm so alone!"

"Now Dad, I just left you half an hour ago. How can you tell in only 30 minutes what the place is like? Stay there a few more days, and if it's really that bad, we'll have to work something out."

So the old man hung up, and eventually found his way to sleep. The next morning, the nurse woke him, and began to give him an in-bed sponge bath. Much to the old man's surprise, the attention caused him to become erect, so the nurse sponged his penis, and then gave him one of the best blow jobs of his life.

As soon as the nurse left, the old man called his son. "Son, this is one great place you've found for me! The food's great, the company is excellent, and I've never been happier!"

"That's great news, Dad, I hoped you'd come to like the place once you'd given it a chance."

Later that afternoon, the old man was walking through the television room when he tripped and fell. Another resident of the home came over to the old man, lifted up his robe, and raped him anally.

When the old man got back to his room, he immediately grabbed the phone and called his child, "Son, Son, you've got to get me out of this place! Right Now!"

"But Dad, a few hours ago, you thought this was a great place to be, now, I've got to run over there and get you?"

"Son, you don't understand, I get an erection, maybe, once a year, but I fall down two or three times a day!"


#4 - The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary.

The old woman said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon." "Uh huh," said the old man.

"We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman. "Uh huh," said the old man.

"And we will make love like we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman.

"That's right," said the old man, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"

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   read more blogs!

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Contest Part 12 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 11 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 10 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 9 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 8 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
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Contest Part 6 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 5 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 4 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
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post a comment!


Apr 13 @ 10:15AM  
funny!! great morning laugh!!

Apr 13 @ 10:20AM  
Thank you Bruce, now I'm really not looking forward to getting old

Apr 13 @ 10:22AM  
Very funny!!

But you forgot to use spell-checker before posting...just sayin...


Apr 13 @ 10:29AM  
"That's right," said the old man, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"

Oh damn!!!

Apr 13 @ 10:49AM  

Apr 13 @ 10:55AM  
Yeah, I noticed that after I posted it, found two misspellings and a spacing error. The problem is, that if you go in and edit it, the post disappears from the blogs listed on the home pages. So I will edit the post after it falls off the home page, probably in less than an hour with all of the blogs these days.

Apr 13 @ 11:01AM  
Great morning laugh..
Now I have to clean the coffee of my key board....

Apr 13 @ 1:01PM  
ok - got it
hairspray and don't fall down
damn - I love these educational postings

Apr 13 @ 7:43PM  
As I been self-hyping, I will be posting about 40 geriatric jokes over the course next week or more. I had posted a bulletin and a blurb in the comments of the joke blogs about maybe having an election on them where folks comment on which ones they really thought were funny.

The positive response has led to the decision that the contest is on.

I will admit that only about 15 of the 40 would get my vote. The series has already began being posted. You may vote for as many or as few as you like. You don't have to rank them in any kind of order. If you have one that you want to enter, email it to me. A week after the last group is posted, I will post a blog featuring the top ten vote getters.

I will post this blurb in the existing geriatric joke blogs indicating the points at which the voting begins. The jokes will be numbered to make it easy. All you have to do to vote is indicate the joke number(s) in your comment.

If you want to see the geriatric joke blogs already posted. It will be easier to access them through my profile. Have fun!

Apr 13 @ 7:58PM  
I vote for number 3.

Apr 13 @ 7:59PM  
I vote for numbers 2 and 3

Apr 13 @ 8:13PM  

I'm voting for #3

Apr 13 @ 8:44PM  
# 3 works!

Apr 17 @ 9:56AM  
Love #1 here the mostest!

Apr 17 @ 11:05AM  
I vote # 4....and #2....gaud I could be #2.....

Apr 18 @ 8:59AM  
Number 3, here.

Apr 25 @ 2:45AM  
1 and 4

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Geriatric Jokes Part 3