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Geriatric Jokes Part 2

posted 4/12/2008 10:00:43 AM |
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tagged: joke
  Wordsofwit

I have a collection of about 30 geriatric jokes. I will post a few daily for the next several days. I do this about once a year. Some of these you will have heard, some you haven't. Enjoy, and feel free to add some geriatric jokes of your to the comments.

#1 - An old man was laying on his death bed.
He had only hours to live when he suddenly
smelled chocolate chip cookies.

He loved chocolate chip cookies more than
anything else in the world.

With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself
out of bed, across the floor, and to the stairs.
Then down the stairs and into the kitchen.

There his wife was baking chocolate chip cookies.
As he reached for one, he got SMACKED across the
back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was
holding.

"Leave them alone!" she said, "They're for the funeral!"
_______________________________________________________________

#2 - A man came home from the Social Security Office.

'Honey,' he said to his wife, 'I finally convinced them that I'm old enough
to collect Social Security.'

'How?' his wife asked. 'Since the department of records in the small town
you were born in was flooded, you can't get a copy of your birth certificate.'

'I know,' the man replied, 'I just unbuttoned my shirt and showed them all
the gray hairs on my chest. That convinced them that I'm old enough.'

His wife retorted, 'Then while you were at it, why didn't you whip out your
dick and get disability, too?!'
_______________________________________________________________

#3 - Two dapper old men sit on the porch of the retirement home every single
afternoon. Two marriage-minded old ladies who move to the home set their
sights on these most eligible of bachelors.

The first day, they dress up in their finest evening gowns and parade past
the porch three times. The men don't even look up. Every day for two weeks,
the old ladies try something new to get their attention - new hats, new
hairdos, new jewelry. But the men don't give them a second glance.

Finally, the old ladies are so fed up one says to the other, "the only
thing that's going to get the attention of those old coots is a little
flesh."

The next afternoon, both ladies take off all their clothes in the bushes,
then streak by the porch. One of the old men says to the other, "My God,
what did they have on today?"

The other codger shakes his head. "Can't say for sure. But whatever they
were wearing, it certainly needs ironing very badly."
_______________________________________________________________
#4 - John and Mary, both elderly residents in their 80's now live at a
retirement  home. The more time they spent together, the more friendly
they got with  each other and really began to enjoy each other's
company. After about three weeks  of getting to know each other, John
said, "I know we are both old and can't do  much sexually any more, but
if I pulled out my penis, would you hold it?"  Mary didn't see anything
wrong with that, so she agreed.
Every day for the next month the couple would sit outside in the park by
the  lake and Mary would hold John's penis. One day John didn't show up
at their  regular meeting place. Mary became concerned and set out to
search for him.  Further down the shore Mary spotted John sitting on a
bench with another woman  beside him. She quickly walked up to the
bench, only to find the old man's penis in the other woman's hand. This
upset her very much and she yelled at John. "We've been together for two
months now. I thought we were getting along just fine. Now I find you
here with this other woman. What does she have that I don't!?" A slight smile curled on John's face as he replied, ....."Parkinson's."

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   read more blogs!

Blogs by Wordsofwit:
Women and the Change of Life
Contest Part 12 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 11 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 10 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 9 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 8 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 7 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 6 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 5 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest Part 4 - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Contest - Funniest Geriatric Jokes
Geriatric Jokes Part 3
Geriatric Jokes Part 2
Geriatric Jokes Part 1
Whales - My FAVORITE Joke
Kan U Spell - Survey
The First Thing that You Did to Get Sent to the Principal’s Office? - Tommy
Guys' Profiles and Essay Responses...the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
"Leave it to Beaver" and Poop Butt Chicken - Tommy
Assorted Jokes
Uncommon Denominators
Female 40-60 AMD Demographics
Another Advantage to Blogs
Tit 4 Tat
The UnBEARable Truth


Comments:

post a comment!

Sunshine79

Apr 12 @ 10:04AM  
OK, my coffe went right thru me....Literally....thanks for the laugh and the wet panties this morning!!
Xien607

Apr 12 @ 10:13AM  
Another good set of Jokes, Swift

A kudo for you!
canuhelpme258

Apr 12 @ 10:22AM  
Yanno says some profile with an age listed as 99 will pop up and feign offense...

But I will defend your posting these they are funny
NachoBaby

Apr 12 @ 10:54AM  
Disability?? OMG!!!
ThePurpleProphet

Apr 12 @ 1:23PM  


These are seriously funny.
Wordsofwit

Apr 13 @ 7:40PM  
As I been self-hyping, I will be posting about 40 geriatric jokes over the course next week or more. I had posted a bulletin and a blurb in the comments of the joke blogs about maybe having an election on them where folks comment on which ones they really thought were funny.

The positive response has led to the decision that the contest is on.

I will admit that only about 15 of the 40 would get my vote. The series has already began being posted. You may vote for as many or as few as you like. You don't have to rank them in any kind of order. If you have one that you want to enter, email it to me. A week after the last group is posted, I will post a blog featuring the top ten vote getters.

I will post this blurb in the existing geriatric joke blogs indicating the points at which the voting begins. The jokes will be numbered to make it easy. All you have to do to vote is indicate the joke number(s) in your comment.

If you want to see the geriatric joke blogs already posted. It will be easier to access them through my profile. Have fun!
Wordsofwit

Apr 13 @ 7:57PM  
I vote for number 3.
NachoBaby

Apr 13 @ 7:58PM  
I vote #2 all the way.. that one cracked me up.
sugarnspice005

Apr 13 @ 8:09PM  
Definitely #2.
sundance64

Apr 14 @ 10:02PM  
#4 definitely!
Sunshine79

Apr 17 @ 9:55AM  
Love #2 the most here!
soft_touch938

Apr 17 @ 11:00AM  
#1.....gets my vote...
ThePurpleProphet

Apr 18 @ 8:58AM  
I got #4 on this one.
Nathanial

Apr 25 @ 2:38AM  
1 and 4

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Geriatric Jokes Part 2