Geriatric Jokes Part 2 posted 4/12/2008 10:00:43 AM | 1 kudo what's this?     report abuse tagged: joke

Wordsofwit

I have a collection of about 30 geriatric jokes. I will post a few daily for the next several days. I do this about once a year. Some of these you will have heard, some you haven't. Enjoy, and feel free to add some geriatric jokes of your to the comments.

#1 - An old man was laying on his death bed.
He had only hours to live when he suddenly
smelled chocolate chip cookies.

He loved chocolate chip cookies more than
anything else in the world.

With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself
out of bed, across the floor, and to the stairs.
Then down the stairs and into the kitchen.

There his wife was baking chocolate chip cookies.
As he reached for one, he got SMACKED across the
back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was
holding.

"Leave them alone!" she said, "They're for the funeral!"
_______________________________________________________________

#2 - A man came home from the Social Security Office.

'Honey,' he said to his wife, 'I finally convinced them that I'm old enough
to collect Social Security.'

'How?' his wife asked. 'Since the department of records in the small town
you were born in was flooded, you can't get a copy of your birth certificate.'

'I know,' the man replied, 'I just unbuttoned my shirt and showed them all
the gray hairs on my chest. That convinced them that I'm old enough.'

His wife retorted, 'Then while you were at it, why didn't you whip out your
dick and get disability, too?!'
_______________________________________________________________

#3 - Two dapper old men sit on the porch of the retirement home every single
afternoon. Two marriage-minded old ladies who move to the home set their
sights on these most eligible of bachelors.

The first day, they dress up in their finest evening gowns and parade past
the porch three times. The men don't even look up. Every day for two weeks,
the old ladies try something new to get their attention - new hats, new
hairdos, new jewelry. But the men don't give them a second glance.

Finally, the old ladies are so fed up one says to the other, "the only
thing that's going to get the attention of those old coots is a little
flesh."

The next afternoon, both ladies take off all their clothes in the bushes,
then streak by the porch. One of the old men says to the other, "My God,
what did they have on today?"

The other codger shakes his head. "Can't say for sure. But whatever they
were wearing, it certainly needs ironing very badly."
_______________________________________________________________
#4 - John and Mary, both elderly residents in their 80's now live at a
retirement  home. The more time they spent together, the more friendly
they got with  each other and really began to enjoy each other's
company. After about three weeks  of getting to know each other, John
said, "I know we are both old and can't do  much sexually any more, but
if I pulled out my penis, would you hold it?"  Mary didn't see anything
wrong with that, so she agreed.
Every day for the next month the couple would sit outside in the park by
the  lake and Mary would hold John's penis. One day John didn't show up
at their  regular meeting place. Mary became concerned and set out to
search for him.  Further down the shore Mary spotted John sitting on a
bench with another woman  beside him. She quickly walked up to the
bench, only to find the old man's penis in the other woman's hand. This
upset her very much and she yelled at John. "We've been together for two
months now. I thought we were getting along just fine. Now I find you
here with this other woman. What does she have that I don't!?" A slight smile curled on John's face as he replied, ....."Parkinson's."

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