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Geriatric Jokes Part 1

posted 4/11/2008 9:20:42 AM |
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I have a collection of about 30 geriatric jokes. I will post a few daily for the next several days. I do this about once a year. Some of these you will have heard, some you haven't. Enjoy, and feel free to add some to the comments.

#1 - Maude, Edna and Tillie were lifelong friends who resided in a nursing home in their golden years. Maude and Edna were relatively spry but did have heart conditions. Tillie was not so fortunate as arthritis had left her largely confined to a wheelchair. Every evening after dining, they loved to sit out on the porch to watch the sunset and hear the sounds of the night as they recalled memories of their long lives. One night, without warning, a naked man sprang forth from out of the bushes and exposed himself in front of each astounded lady individually. First Maude had a stroke. Then Edna had a stroke. But poor Tilly was too infirm to reach that far.


#2 - A woman goes to the hospital to visit her widowed father who has overdosed on
viagra. While on her way to father's room, she passes into a ward where four
elderly men are vigorously masturbating. Appalled she goes the head nurse and
demands an explanation. The nurse explains that it is part of their therapy
and they must do this to relieve pressure or they will over produce semen
which can lead to testicle swelling and a fatal rupture. Still shaken, the
woman accepts the explanation and proceeds to her father's room hurrying past
the four men in therapy. She opens the door to her father's room and a
gorgeous nurse is giving her father a blow job. Appalled she again goes the
head nurse and demands an explanation. The head nurse informs her that it is
the same condition and therapy but that her father has a better health plan.

#3 - An elderly man goes to his doctor and explains that he wants a perscription for
viagra. He is a widow and his seventy fifth birthday is coming up and he has
arranged for three gorgeous young girls to entertain him that evening. The
doctor writes the perscription and warns him to be careful. Two weeks later the
old guy returns. The doctor sees him and asks why he has come in and the old
guy opens his fly and whips out his bloody mangled cock. The doctor is
horrified as the old guy explains that the girls never showed up.

#4 - A ninety year old man lived in a rest home and got
  a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and
  sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a
  seventy year old woman at the other end of the bar
  and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young
  lady a drink. As evening progressed, the old man
  joined the lady and they went to her apartment,
  where they got it on.

  Four days later, the old man noticed that he was
  developing a drip, and he headed for the rest home
  doctor.  After careful examination the doctor asked
  the old man if he had engaged in sex recently. 

  The old man said, "Sure!"

  The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman
  was and where she lived.

  "Sure, why?"

  "Well you'd better get over there, you're about to cum!"

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post a comment!


Apr 11 @ 9:33AM  
Good stuff!

Apr 11 @ 9:42AM  

Apr 11 @ 9:52AM  

Apr 11 @ 10:00AM  
Being as I work in the geriatric field, I have heard these, but laughed my ass off just as much reading them this time as before!! These are awesome Thanks for the morning laugh!! Have a wonderful day!!

Apr 11 @ 12:53PM  

Now that's funny.

Apr 11 @ 1:03PM  
very funny...leaving a kudo on my way back to the grope i mean group hug

Apr 11 @ 3:47PM  
The second one sent coffee clear across the kitchen...


Apr 11 @ 5:49PM  
But poor Tilly was too infirm to reach that far.
Make that "Nomi"...Ibuprofen is my friend!

Apr 13 @ 7:36PM  
As I been self-hyping, I will be posting about 40 geriatric jokes over the course next week or more. I had posted a bulletin and a blurb in the comments of the joke blogs about maybe having an election on them where folks comment on which ones they really thought were funny.

The positive response has led to the decision that the contest is on.

I will admit that only about 15 of the 40 would get my vote. The series has already began being posted. You may vote for as many or as few as you like. You don't have to rank them in any kind of order. If you have one that you want to enter, email it to me. A week after the last group is posted, I will post a blog featuring the top ten vote getters.

I will post this blurb in the existing geriatric joke blogs indicating the points at which the voting begins. The jokes will be numbered to make it easy. All you have to do to vote is indicate the joke number(s) in your comment.

If you want to see the geriatric joke blogs already posted. It will be easier to access them through my profile. Have fun!

Apr 13 @ 7:56PM  
I vote for numbers 1, 2, and 4.

Apr 13 @ 7:58PM  
I vote for #1 and #4

Apr 13 @ 8:06PM  
I vote for #2 and #4.

Apr 14 @ 4:40PM  
#3 was funny as are they all.

Apr 14 @ 10:00PM  
#2 and #4 were the best here!!!

Apr 17 @ 10:58AM  
A little slow here but 2 & 4....really like #4....

Now on to the second post......

Apr 18 @ 8:44AM  
I pick #2 on this one. I'm going back to make sure I voted for each one.

Apr 25 @ 2:33AM  
#2 and most definately #4

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Geriatric Jokes Part 1