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posted 4/2/2008 9:16:07 PM |
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tagged: chat, cybersex, joke, satire

Users of adult sites often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards get pretty raunchy.

Well, I thought I would give it a try it, but I'm not sure I got the hang of it...

MichaelAngelo: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

MichaelAngelo: I'm 6'4" and about 18 stone.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from ASDA.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

MichaelAngelo: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

MichaelAngelo: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

MichaelAngelo: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

MichaelAngelo: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

MichaelAngelo: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

MichaelAngelo: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

MichaelAngelo: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

MichaelAngelo: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspectingthe clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

MichaelAngelo: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

MichaelAngelo: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

MichaelAngelo: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

MichaelAngelo: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

MichaelAngelo: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

MichaelAngelo: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

MichaelAngelo: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

MichaelAngelo: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

MichaelAngelo: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

MichaelAngelo: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

MichaelAngelo: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

MichaelAngelo: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

MichaelAngelo: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

MichaelAngelo: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

MichaelAngelo: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

MichaelAngelo: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

MichaelAngelo: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

MichaelAngelo: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

MichaelAngelo: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

MichaelAngelo: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

MichaelAngelo: OK, now I'm going to put know know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

MichaelAngelo: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

MichaelAngelo: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

MichaelAngelo: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

MichaelAngelo: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

MichaelAngelo: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

MichaelAngelo: I've found my glasses. I'm putting the

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post a comment!


Apr 2 @ 9:31PM  
Great imagination!! Loved it!!!

a geen thingy for ya!!

Apr 2 @ 9:55PM  
Why thanky you - Bit it was a real transcript

Apr 2 @ 10:04PM  
so this is what u call a "cybersex"?

Apr 2 @ 10:09PM  
Where the hell have you been all my life...perfect cyber sex gets so boring!

Apr 2 @ 10:21PM  

An oldie but a goodie...always get a laugh out of this one!

Apr 2 @ 10:50PM  
I never read this before and I'm LMAO....sure I haven't had cybersex with you about 2 years ago????

(just kiddin') Put your glasses on and go find the kudo I left...I think I dropped it in the laundry hamper...

Apr 2 @ 11:03PM  
I remember, way back in the day when I first got online and cyber was "fun and naughty"....

I was messing around with a guy.... and he came up with some off the wall position.... and I'm sitting there, in the dark, at the computer, trying to imagine what he is describing... and so I typed into the little IM box....

You can DO that??

12 yrs later, we are still friends, and we still laugh about that. Needless to say, that comment rather ruined the mood!!

Apr 2 @ 11:26PM  
Classic. It's too bad nobody cybers any more.

Apr 2 @ 11:38PM  
Never seen this one before.. But sure is good...
Leaves a kudos in the next to your glasses....

Apr 2 @ 11:47PM  
Oops guess I need glasses too...
Right next to your glasses

Apr 3 @ 2:20AM  

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