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A Couple More Funnies...

posted 3/30/2008 7:56:32 PM |
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The Second Chance.....

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.

The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"

The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"

He asked. "No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!"

The Wild West....

A stagecoach bounced down a rutted road, heading for Dallas. In the coach were a Texan, a very busty lady, and a greenhorn from the East.

The greenhorn kept eyeing the lady. Finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll give you ten dollars for a blowjob."

The Texan was appalled. He pulled out his pistol, shot the greenhorn right between the eyes, and shoved his body out the door.

The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, sir, for defending my honor!"

The Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell! Just trying to keep down inflation. Around here, a blowjob goes for two dollars."

Magic Mushrooms....

This guy went to the doctors and said: "Doctor, I'm having problems with my sex life!"

Doctor: "What do you mean?"

Guy: "Well, I'm just not getting any."

Doctor: "Look out the window then."

Guy: "Oh yeah, I see that convent. Good idea Doctor!"

Doctor: "Yes, but see that patch of mushrooms in front of it?"

The guy looks across and sees a beautiful young nun picking mushrooms.

The doctor then says, "Well, if you go place yourself underneath the mushrooms with only your dick sticking out, you certainly won't regret it."

The next morning, the guy is lying underneath the patch of mushrooms, with his dick sticking out, as the doctor had said, and the most beautiful young nun walks along with a basket.

She starts picking mushrooms, while singing a little song: "One little mushroom for my basket, two little mushrooms for my basket, three little mushrooms for my basket, four..., four..., four..., four..."

The guy cannot believe it; he is enjoying this so much.

That night while down at the pub, he is telling his story to his mates and one of them (who is very drunk) decides to go and try this out for himself.

So, that night he goes down to the convent, and places himself underneath the patch of mushrooms, and leaves his dick sticking out. In the morning, the fattest, most repulsive and butch nun comes along with her basket.

She starts to pick mushrooms, while singing the same song: "One little mushroom for my basket, two little mushrooms for my basket, three little mushrooms for my basket, four..., four..., four..., FOUR little mushrooms for my basket, five little mushrooms for my basket..."

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A Couple More Funnies...