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The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.

posted 3/30/2008 8:10:38 AM |
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  KissMyThong

The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
Circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning
her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may
be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must
bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his
sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's
fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the
temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
present for another man. In fact, even remembering
your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that
point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines
pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting
event, you may ask the score of the game in progress,
but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after
you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head
under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink
only when you're sunning on a tropical beach .. and
it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's
free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril
are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you
didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must
be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge
of the game and the ability to drink as much as the
other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively
dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the
last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd
better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a
friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex
pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man
While lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are
on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting
In line, etc. For all other situations, an almost
imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman
to go on longer than you are able to have sex with
her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly
"just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the
fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason
for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is
not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown,
pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you
want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know
what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating
or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
but do you really know the difference between them? In
an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each
is listed below:

30: "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with
the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom,
and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or
are you flying somewhere?"

31: "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the
guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your
collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the
balls to say, "You're next!"

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Comments:

post a comment!

coltsfootball

Mar 30 @ 8:50AM  

These Are Secret Rules...How Did You get Them

Don't Tell Anyone
jcarolina

Mar 30 @ 8:52AM  
# 10:

# 11: said drink must be served with cubed ice, not shaved and cannot be adorned with an umbrella or other girly objects.

The rest....................


**tosses greenie with ne hand while scratching butt with other**
whisperingcomet

Mar 30 @ 9:10AM  
good one,,,and all true
Scottishtease

Mar 30 @ 9:37AM  
10: had that done while pleasing him down there. blech!

thanks thong these are hilarious. :>)
SxzeNewMe

Mar 30 @ 9:43AM  
(d) When she is using her teeth.

Oh, if done the right way, they cry alright...they've never felt so much pleasure, it brings tears to their eyes!
blackskyline4

Mar 30 @ 9:45AM  
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is
not acceptable for her to drive yours.

one exception... if you break your arm(to the point of not being able to drive) and she doesn't have a car... Only exception to the rule

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
Circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning
her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
(e) if a real sports car was totaled and you saw the remains
(f) if you tv is broken
(g) you were kicked in the nutts by an ex girlfriend or angry current girlfriend
cutesingledaddy

Mar 30 @ 10:42AM  
Thanks! :)

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
present for another man. In fact, even remembering
your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that
point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
birthday boy's choice.

I sense a spy in our midst. These were written by a woman. No man would call another man a "birthday boy".
xdcfx

Mar 30 @ 11:45AM  
OK it worked guys........she got the decoy rules we planted for the women. Who's got the real list?
BlueEyes708

Mar 30 @ 12:00PM  
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is
not acceptable for her to drive yours
To quote an old song. I can make the Indy 500 look like a chariot race. Sometime your engine just needs open up a little, and all the carbon blown out.


30: "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with
the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom,
and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or
are you flying somewhere?
"

He would then be promptly turned into a toad and put in the kids fish tank with the lizzard

31: "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the
guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your
collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the
balls to say, "You're next!"

He would then be promptly turned into a toad and left on the seashore to defend himself again an attack of seagulls.

Great rules. too bad they're mostly fiction.

Men don't go by rules.
soft_touch938

Mar 30 @ 12:11PM  
I love something that gives me a good laugh to start my day....this was it!!! Just tickled the piss outta me...oops! gotta run.....

Thanks! Leaving a kudo on my way out....
Luv2DikYa

Mar 30 @ 1:07PM  
Now you have told everyone the codes we live by...THANKS ALOT!
BKB1972

Mar 30 @ 1:23PM  
xdcfx... Got the list. It will be emailed to all the members with the updated uniform code & new sizing chart for flak jackets. Should be seeing it soon...
(secret handshake)


Good one KMT!!
xdcfx

Mar 30 @ 2:39PM  
Got it Jim message recieved . (secret handshake)
BKB1972

Mar 30 @ 3:02PM  
Great...now they can slow this down & learn the secret handshake too
lunanegra

Mar 30 @ 3:38PM  
I thought rule #1 of the Manlaw wasn't to speak of the Manlaw,kinda like Fight Club,lol

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