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Death by garter snake

posted 3/29/2008 6:46:55 PM |
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A couple in Texas had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran naked out into the living room to see what the problem was. His wife told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him in the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out. About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat. The police arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little greensnake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an on coming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed. Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants.

That's when he shot her...

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post a comment!


Mar 29 @ 6:52PM  

Ida shot her, too.....

And if they jury was any sort of men at all....he'll walk.....

Mar 29 @ 6:55PM  
Now THAT was good!

Mar 29 @ 6:55PM  
Who the hell is Ida??


Mar 29 @ 6:56PM  
I think this was left out of Genesis,wasn't it? I think thats how the story really went,lol

Mar 29 @ 7:04PM  
Just thought we could all do with a funny and I about ped my pants when i got this one in my mailbox.

Happy Saturday everyone.

Mar 29 @ 7:38PM  
Loved this little story. It had everything, mystery, intrigue, sex, drama, and.....

the storyteller ain't bad neither !

Mar 29 @ 7:51PM  
Well, A true story. And I learned this After the fact, on one of them

I own a home on 58 acres of woods. And there have been to incidents with snakes. The first was when we were putting the addition on, the Snakes that I knew occupied the darker regions of my home and cellar didn't like being disturbed. I was carrying the laundry up stairs, entered my Bedroom and found a 12 black snake curled up asleep on my Down Comforter. I don't mind snakes as long as they stay out of site, and keep the vermin down. But I've share my bed with enough snakes in the past that one had to go. My neighbor being a brick lay, came over with his heavy gloves, chased it around my bedroom and got rid of it.

The second, about 3 years ago, a Copperhead of yet to be determined length came up through some floor vents. My son having a 6 foot claymore made quick and bloody work of it, then made sure the remains were outside and everything cleaned up before he told me about it.

It's funny in a story, but not in real life, believe me.

Great fun, and D.K. The woman on the jury will have other ideas.


Mar 29 @ 8:00PM  
You all are just too damn bad with the garter snake loved the hell out of it keep up the great work

Mar 29 @ 8:17PM  
I love it, that's funny

Mar 29 @ 8:21PM  
Curves hilarious. Good one. :>)

Mar 29 @ 11:35PM  
OMG! That was pretty funny. Long, but funny!

Mar 30 @ 12:32PM  
Fun reading, thank you...

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Death by garter snake