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Never take a man shopping

posted 3/22/2008 11:33:05 AM |
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tagged: humor, jokes

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After Mr. and Mrs. Moloney retired to Naples FL, Mrs. Moloney insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Moloney was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Moloney was like most women, she loved to browse.
One day Mrs. Moloney received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart in Naples, FL.
Dear Mrs. Moloney,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may have to ban you from the store.
Our complaints against Mr. Moloney are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2, July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minuteintervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an Official voice, Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least....

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here'.

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

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post a comment!


Mar 22 @ 11:36AM  
I copied the list... taking it with me ...

Mar 22 @ 11:42AM  
Hey ain't it our job to make the whole shopping experience more fun? Ya know , right before we get to the register to pay.

Mar 22 @ 11:42AM  
good one

Mar 22 @ 11:47AM  
NOW THATS having Fun !!!

Mar 22 @ 11:48AM  
Although I am just the opposite....I hate shopping at the best of times!! They are cute BlueEyes, thanks!!

Mar 22 @ 11:58AM  
That was hiliarious

Mar 22 @ 12:24PM  
I applaud Mr. Moloney with the greatest enthusiasm.

That was great stuff!

Mar 22 @ 1:44PM  
They really do film me in Wal-Mart huh?

Mar 22 @ 2:31PM  
Suggestion::: Give us something else to do....What's wrong with putting a big screen TV and a pit group in the womens clothing and shoe department? Then it wouldnt be so painful to say "Yes dear, that looks fine" and go back to watching something we are interested in....Just a thought.

Mar 22 @ 2:33PM  
Gotta' go to Wal-Mart now ....I HAVE to try this! See y'all

Anyone I can call for bail

Mar 22 @ 2:53PM  
ahhh i love it!

Mar 22 @ 3:41PM  
Get in and get out my motto...well with shopping...not more important events....

Mar 22 @ 4:36PM  

Darts in suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme and drops a kudo.

Mar 22 @ 6:00PM  
lol this was posted before :P.

Mar 22 @ 6:52PM  
You forgot about holding a sodium party in the gardining section (those miniture water falls... if it was a mall I'd say the wishing well).


Mar 22 @ 7:50PM  
if thats all it took to no longer have to go shopping i would have done that a long time ago... i hate going to wall mart with females... they have to walk down EVERY isle... it doesn't matter...

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Never take a man shopping