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Money makes them Super...

posted 3/19/2008 2:38:48 AM |
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I was reading a book the other day - well, if you have acquired these skills along life's journey it seems a shame not to use them. And Summer television seems to be of comparable standard to what you imagine 3AW's Buy, Swap and Sell would be like with vision.
Besides, it's not as if I'm paddling in the same literacy shallows as Hislop in the long-ago first episode of Porridge, when Fletcher was after a cushy number working in the Slade Prison library and questioned his fellow book trolley candidate Hislop's ability to comprehend the printed word.
"I read a book once," Hislop says, all indignant and Yorkshire-like.
"Green it were."
And, anyway, what am I doing having to justify reading a book to you? You're reading this, aren't you?
Oh look, now I've offended you and your eyes have turned right to have a crack at the nudes.
What was I going to say before I so rudely interrupted myself was that the book I was reading was the autobiography of Alek Wek, a tall and somewhat striking looking Sudanese refugee.
You might momentarily stop to ponder what someone of that age is doing writing her life story, when hopefully most of her life is still infront of her.
But Footy players do it (or have it done on their behalf), actors and rock'n'rollers do it. Why not a refugee from Southern Sudan?
And Wek, who grew up in such grinding poverty that the local kids used to brush their teeth by rubbing them with bits of dry cow pat, (her English dentist later said they were the best pair of gnashers he'd ever seen) and who suffered from a severe skin complaint until she finally escaped the violence to live with her sister in London, is not just a refugee from her war-torn homeland.
Wek is what is known as a "Supermodel". Discovered strolling around a south London park by a modelling-agency representative, now living in New York and in demand for magazine covers and fashion shows all around the world. Even has her own line of handbags.
Wek is unusual because she is black and, as she says in her book, that us not necessarily always a plus in the fashion world.
But just how does a model - your lovely-to-look-at standard "prance down the catwalk, scowl at the audience, pause, pout, flounce back, nip behind the curtain and change into the next one" clothes horse - graduate to the level of supermodel?
Is there a ladder? Promotion and regulation? A final eight at the end of the home-and-away fashion season?
Sorry, Naomi Campbell, you didn't make the finals this year, you'll have to nominate for next years supermodel draft. Congratulations, Gisele Bunchden, you've been promoted to supermodel class, and are now free to design your own range of thongs.
And what about the "ubermodel" using that irritating little prefix which has come to mean sort of "more than super" in modern parlance but in Germany, its country of origin, signifies something being "over" or "about"? (There's a bit more of that book learnin'.)
Is Elle Macpherson a "super" or an "uber"? Will she be a supermodel for the rest of her life even when the Body starts to show signs of wear and tear?
Ultimately, as with most things, it probably comes down to money - The more a models agent can ask, the nearer she comes to that super-elevation.
"We don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day," Linda Evangelista famously told Vogue in 1990.
Which probably meant she didn't often have to clean her teeth with bits of cow shit.

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Money makes them Super...
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Mar 19 @ 4:40AM  
I once modeled. I'm not proud of it, and it was only one shoot - when I was a kid. People bugged me throughout highschool to model (especialy none blood relatives)... actualy it was a little beyond highschool. But I'm nice and ugly now. Take a look at my pics... yes those are new. I took them for this site. Take a close look. I haven't been laid in years. Looks don't last, the branding does. Half these models look like hell close up. They wear more makup than oreilly does during public appearences (guys got a face like an overripe blood orange). What it is, is brand name. You take these girls and make them a name when theyre 14 or 15 years old. You build on that name untill they reach around 19, and from there they photoshop every image (before photoshop they would fix them using a slightly more complicated process). Between the photo manipulation the gells over the studio and catwalk lights and the greasepaint... well you get the idea.
Amber, red, and blue gels working hand in hand with stage makeup to hide flaws and sharpen jaws on the catwalk. Strippers do the same... but have to cover up a larger area (strip joints generaly use amber to deep red gels on theyre lights, this works well with certain brands of body makeup- cheap shit... and now you know why your buisness suit has that greasy powder stain).

If you want to look like a model, go to the magic section of U.S. toy. Buy some gel fixtures for you lighting, and some stage make-up. You'll want the full selection of pens and powders as well as some grease and base. Now ask the lonely geeky girl who works backstage during school plays over to your house. Give her said tools and a camera (she may insist on devolping her own film...tell her digital is fine). Presto, you'll look like a model. The only thing missing will be that anerexic anemic coathanger look (don't worry guys, you can draw the muscles on with the pens and use grease to create a three dimensional effect - making it look like a proper six pack).

Did you know that marky mark has an extra nipple? Photoshop.

You might want to add that grainy effect afterwords, and turn up the contrast in photoshop. This will help conceal the makeup whilst giving the picture an old fashioned look. Makes it look idk classy.


Mar 19 @ 11:07AM  
Stop You! Stop that reading at once! We all know that reading can only lead to tears! Pfft.. men reading.. next they will start getting IDEAS! The very nerve of the thing...

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Money makes them Super...