I just posted this in a forum and thought this needed to be a blog. The forum is all about a man who is disturbed with his wife not giving him sex anymore. My response is simple and direct...here it is.
_______
Men, as well as women, HAVE to keep the spice up in the bedroom. It's just the way it is. Humdrum for some sets in and they end up not even wanting it. THIS is where the "work" comes in. Remember that? Work? Remember that marriage/relationships don't just happen, it takes work? Now it's time to work for it!
Use your mind, heart, creativity, imagination. Sure...anyone could give up and just say SHE/HE DOESN'T WANT IT ANYMORE...BOOHOO. That tells me you don't give a shit enough about him/her to actually "work" to make it better. It's not gonna happen over night. Did getting that high paying job after college come overnight? No. You had to WORK for it. Marriage/R are the same. If you don't put an effort into it...you're gonna be wankin' your weinee and fuckin' that bitch at the 5 & Dime for the rest of your fuckin' life.
And it's not just about "getting laid". It has to do with YOU, what you're giving out, what you're DOING for the relationship that makes her/him keep comin' back time and time again...and coming back for SEX.
We people are soooo intelligent and educated, but when it comes down to the simpliest, most honest, meaningful actions, we don't have a fuckin' clue.
I feel this is why so many men AND women leave their spouses as they get older because they just don't "work" for ANYTHING anymore. They think it's supposed to be laid out on the table for them with a bow around it. SORRY 'BOUT YOUR LUCK...it's not that way.
Go ahead and leave him/her, find a bimBO/bimHO. You know what will happen...the same damn shit, and there you'll be, cryin' and wondering WHY THEY DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE all over again.
Cry somewhere else...we're tired of hearing it. DO something for a change to MAKE a change.
For fucks sake. 
This isn't pointed at any one in peticular, just at human relationships. I'm sick of hearing about all peoples woes when if they'd just look at themselves deeply...evaluate THEMSELVES...they'd see that IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.
I realize that there are many factors that come into play in marriages/relationships that none of us know about with each individual problem. We could list many and still not cover them all or touch the hearts of those who are hurting. But I still stand on the fact the EVERYTHING successful in your life begins with you...it HAS to start within. Believe me, you'll see results!!
~ Shells
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
|
|
read more blogs!
Blogs by shellsmack:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| FORUM: Married men who lack much needed sex (to a blog) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
mrknowuwell
|
Mar 16 @ 7:02PM
|
|
i have sum sheepys 4 sale........they always give ya wool   
|
|
canuhelpme258
|
Mar 16 @ 7:09PM
|
|
.. to play devil's advocate ...
I know two guys personally who do get it at home yet use that line on ladies in order to help persuade them to give it up to a married man!
|
|
jcarolina
|
Mar 16 @ 7:17PM
|
|
Great insight.
It absolutely starts with "you".
Once I got past believing a bunch of bullshit simply because I was taught to believe it, and stopped blaming everyone else for things that were fucked up in my life, I've spent the better part of two years in serious contemplation and meditation and feel like a different person. And I was the only thing in my way.
As for sex, I'm a horndog. A romantic horndog.
That combination has always kept things hot in my relationships.
Nice blog, here's something green. 
|
|
ynot7769
|
Mar 16 @ 7:18PM
|
|
|
|
whisperingcomet
|
Mar 16 @ 7:20PM
|
|
|
What's this....married men tell fibs.....when did this start.....?????
|
|
lolthisistoofunny
|
Mar 16 @ 7:20PM
|
|
I will comment more later when time permits..but I think the basic thing lacking is integrity...people always seem to conveniently forget about the "for better or worse," etc., etc., and "forsaking all others." Marriage is a very serious commitment and, IMO, if you're not willing to honor that commitment, you shouldn't be married. It's as simple as that.
Now, do I advocate someone live in a sexless marriage? Nope! But that's what divorce is for.
Now, do I advocate that someone get divorced just because they have to go without sex for a while? Nope! But once a couple has exhausted efforts toward having a normal relationship, it just might be time to throw in the towel.
I'll be bok.... 
|
|
sumdaysoon
|
Mar 16 @ 7:27PM
|
|
i'm working on sumthin'...........   
|
|
wood52
|
Mar 16 @ 7:36PM
|
|
|
most of the time you are right. i have tryed every thing i can think of with on luck. but still trying.
|
|
canuhelpme258
|
Mar 16 @ 7:37PM
|
|
|
What's this....married men tell fibs.....when did this start.....?????
Ya know I know when I was married I didn't invent it... but I thought I perfected it
Funny thing is... I wasn't the one to stray first....
|
|
NachoBaby
|
Mar 16 @ 7:55PM
|
|
|
Ergh.. and people wonder why I won't get married.
|
|
openmindedDILF
|
Mar 16 @ 8:31PM
|
|
I believe you are correct that it all starts within, and the relationship must have open communication, honesty and integrity, with those 3 almost anything is possible. I also believe that your significant other should be your best friend.
If the two are willing to work on the issue or issues surrounding the lack of sex, than it is possible to rekindle the romance and love that we all strive to have in our relationships but you first must get right with yourself.
|
|
DarkKnightWalking
|
Mar 16 @ 9:00PM
|
|
A view from another angle...
There are some, though admittedly a few, males, who actually try their damndest to make a relationship work. Yes, I count myself as one. And yes, perhaps I can still blame myself in the ultimate end for choosing the wrong women.
However, the things I write here, in the blogs and anywhere else, are not pure fantasy. What I write, I DO. ( save for the superpowers, duh )
When I write about romance, I do all the things I write, myself in life. Cards, notes, flowers, poetry, getaway weekends, e-cards, little touches as I pass, hugs, kisses, texts while I am at work, saying "thought of you," when I make love ( or just plain animal FUCK ), I make that person my entire universe and sometimes I dont even get off, but am just as satisfied as if I had, because I deeply enjoy the giving of pleasure just as much as receiving. The list goes on for a very long time of ways I find to show someone how special they truly are to me.I make them my entire universe as a whole, and not just in bed, either. I accept their flaws easily, several have had previous children, whom I take right in stride as part of the big picture, anything you can name.
However, it always...and I mean ALWAYS ends up me showing all the attention and getting SHIT back for it. Starts out ok, then slowly I get to doing it all, while they suck it up. Then usually..hell yes, I get tired of the shit, and start backing it down at a gradual pace...oh noes...then I dont love them anymore and they start lookin for the next fool...
I want someone who is damn sure going to SHOW me love back, just as hard as I am more than willing to show mine, and I most assuredly do, in any relationship I have ever been in. Never found one willing to give it back that hard, ever. At least not for more than a few months. And not ever like I dont make it clear that they will get the most attention they will have ever gotten in their life, but I expect it in return, and yet..every damn time..they tell me "oh that's what I want, too...I will do all that you describe and more..." then break it off in my ass.
Anyway, that is just me, and me alone, from my viewpoint. Nobody special. And never ever have I used that as an excuse to cheat. If I feel like I need new pussy, I break off the relationship long before any kind of physical things occur with someone new. I dont play that shit. And I personally feel that anyone like Canu described as using that as a "line" is a sorry assed fucker. Again, just my nickel.
Always firmly believed that any kind of relationship was a 50/50 deal. But lately someone here put it even better a lil while ago. It's 100/100. Both have to give a 100%.
|
|
redbronze
|
Mar 16 @ 9:17PM
|
|
|
Live in seperate houses then when you get together it feels like a vacation..
|
|
lolthisistoofunny
|
Mar 16 @ 9:44PM
|
|
|
Some days my S/O might not be up to giving 100 percent. If he's only at 80 percent, then I have to put in 120 percent to compensate. I would hope he'd do the same thing for me.
|
|
borty293
|
Mar 16 @ 9:48PM
|
|
|
My gawd...for a gorilla ..you sure make a lot of sense....
|
|
openmindedDILF
|
Mar 16 @ 10:11PM
|
|
[/QUOTE]Some days my S/O might not be up to giving 100 percent. If he's only at 80 percent, then I have to put in 120 percent to compensate. I would hope he'd do the same thing for me.[QUOTE]
I think this what truly makes a relationship work, it is when you work together as team and are always there for one another. That is what makes special relationships work.
|
|
KMAN372
|
Mar 17 @ 1:43AM
|
|
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER...................
I am speaking for me but remember there are others with situations too.........
In my case, i staind by my wife, she has issues and they are beyond my control. I do try, infact bent over backwards. I have suprised her with trips, hot tub rooms, flowers, even sent her to see family for couple weeks. We did have sex / make love when she got back, 2X, and now back to maybe 4-6X a year. But love isnt just about sex. She has many medical issues causing her pain and discomfort. she just doesnt have any drive anymore and well i am loosing mine too. I may talk big, but i dont thing i could fool around, so i just do what i have to and we go on. i try again, gifts, soft music, massages, baths, home inprovements, suprise hotel stays or flowers @ work, just because, and yet, the act of sex still eluds me.  We get along otherwise just fine, But even though she is hurting, she is tired, she just doesnt feel like it, eithor i help my self or i get nothing. I try everyway i can think of, and usually not ever pushing for that just whatever but nope........  so you see yes i am a married man, but maybe i just need at least the fantice or the notion of possability, maybe even to go do it. I dont know, Now I do agree that alot of married men & women think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. but i take care on my lawn and no matter what my grass will be fine for me. it may not be the greenest at times but its mine. 
|
|
Hammer88
|
Mar 20 @ 7:58AM
|
|
yes your right you have to work at it. do not take it for granted because when its not there anymore thats when you really miss it. some people have emotional and medical problems I know my wife did .I did stand by her until after her death . but I wished we could have had more sex when we could. maybe go to a motel and leave the kids with grandma if you can . go to dinner ,have a couple of drinks try to spice up your sex life, both goin the extra mile or by trying new things use your imangination too. don,tmake it boreing , same old, same old. excellent blog shells 
|
|
Lisa46
|
Apr 13 @ 3:19PM
|
|
|
dayum shells!! Yep you sure make a lot of sense! And your right I was seeing a man friend and hell he wouldn't vary
|
|
TheAvenger
|
Apr 13 @ 3:35PM
|
|
hey, long time no see!
I believe the problem is with so many relationships that when the sex starts getting a little "same ol' same ol', then the couple realizes they have little in common and that maybe they don't even like each other! A wise friend once told me that "sex is something that happens IN-BETWEEN the relationship."
Now, nothing wrong with having an exciting, "unpredictable" sex life with your partner, but "good sex" should not be the glue that keeps a marriage/relationship together. It really should be a combination of things, none of which singly make or break that relationship. No wonder so many marriages fail, then, if "good sex" is the No. 1 (and sometimes only) priority in the relationship.
|
|
shellsmack
|
Apr 13 @ 3:55PM
|
|
|
Hm, posted this blog a while back...why am I just now getting comments?
|
|
|