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36 Rules Of Life....

posted 3/14/2008 3:49:14 PM |
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  buellriders69

This is a posting taken out of teh Huckleberry Press, a little paper published out of Spokane, Washington... Some I hade seen before, some I hadn't, but, I thought that I would share and maybe give someone a giggle or two.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxitive on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think... they don't do it very often.
3. Going to Church doesn't make a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one that you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person that is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite Gorvernment Program.
10. If you look like your Passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something that you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. The is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing.... it enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you make ends meet, the move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than the refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It isn't the jeans that make you look fat.
26. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved it's full potential, that word would be "meetings".
27. There is a very fine line between "hobby' and "mental illness".
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling why we observe daylight savings time.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her AT THAT EXACT MOMENT!
35. The one thing that unites all human beings regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe that we are good drivers.
36. Your Friends love you anyway.

......

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Comments:

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NachoBaby

Mar 14 @ 4:01PM  
21 makes me chuckle.. every time I do it wrong.
BlueEyes708

Mar 14 @ 4:31PM  
Some of my favorites

If you're in a fair fight, you didn't plan it properly.

It's easy to die, living is what's hard

Never underestimate a woman searching for a chocolate bar.

Great Post

And a Kudo for the laugh
sundance64

Mar 14 @ 5:40PM  
16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

Only as long as neither is a bran muffin!

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36 Rules Of Life....