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Attention all scammers! Consider this "Singles Site semantics" 101.

posted 2/28/2008 3:51:51 PM |
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  mica89

OK class, let's have a seat. Motumbu, Kenyossu let's settle down. Today I will be discussing the GLARING errors you ALL make which immediately identify you as a sack of horse puckey and make us laugh at how pathetic you are.
First. When you are filling in the "subject" line of an email, DO NOT use "Hi" or "Hello". I have YET to get a mail from a female member that starts with that. Just leave it blank.( As well, adding "dear" or "sweetie" does not serve to camoflage it.)
Now, once you begin the lettre, the same thing goes. 'Dear' and 'sweetie' are simply not appropriate introductory pet names. "Dear' is what your Great Aunt Gert calls you when you are getting her 1600 pound suitcase out of the trunk of her 1978 Volare . "Oh, please get the case 15 year old Tab out also- I brouht that for you kids. You like pop, don't you DEAR?"
Sweetie is a pet name that simply slips into a relationship after at least a year. It actually often surprises men when it first leaves their mouth, and can be attributed to the giddy anticipation they feel because their better half is leaving for the weekend.
" Did you leave me the number where I can reach you, sweetie?"....
So neither of those are anything but tip offs for online singles.
I realize they use this in the Mad-Libs "big book of scammer intro letters," but that is an outdated reference source. Throw it away.
Next. The introduction. Real women rarely open by telling men their first name and NEVER their last. They don't feel the need to mention that they are American or 'God fearing" either. As a matter of fact, I'm not familiar with the dating/swingers/ sex scene in your country, but I would advise leaving any and all mention of God out.
Next issue. This is a site for people who hope to have a non- commital physical encounter. That means sex. Telling us how you are" looking for a strong man to settle down and have many children with" will serve only to scare off the last 27% of men who are even still reading. "Marraige" and "kids" can stay on the shelf with "God" for this application.
That should help you gentlemen a great deal in giving the impression of being a single, randy woman rather than a 6 foot 3 inch 19 year old guy. Oh and speaking of which, you really need to brush up on the proportions of the human species. 5 foot ten and 90 pounds is a garden implement, not a woman, As well, 4 foot 1 and 225 is not "curvy" but rather, would be described as "spherical."
That should do it. Now ,we will have a quiz. Read over the intro . letter I just got, and circle the errors that we just discussed.

Hi Sweetie,
How you are today and how is your health? which is most important to me, My name is Denise Misener, I am 26,female single and looking for a long term relationship I am 5'6 feet tall,132lbs,. Full with a lot of ambition. I just read through your profile which has really attracted me. To say the fact, I felt great and emotional with your profile. cause if I must say, I am pretty sure you were born on a rainy day, Sweetie its not really rainy, the fact is that the angels in heaven were crying when you were leaving . cause they knew they will be missing someone very precious .however, I will make an announcement to the angels in heaven not to worry that I am the lucky one to have found you...Sweetie i cant wait to know more about you.....I really want to care and thinking of you at all time. Hoping to read from you soonest, Take good care of yourself for me, if not for yourself....
You can also email me to:-{email address removed} or {email address removed}

Hope to hear from u soon
Denise

OK. Times up! Please bring your papers to the front, return the pens to the pen box, gather your things, and GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR COUNTRY!
thank you.


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Comments:

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itsallforfun

Feb 28 @ 4:01PM  
..that was a good class
DarkDesires99

Feb 28 @ 4:13PM  

Gosh you know if they get better at it we can’t have as much fun laughing at them!
jcarolina

Feb 28 @ 4:17PM  
That's great!!! I get these all the time. This week my first scammer finally asked for money. I told them I was sending 5,000 euros and then sent a picture of my ass. Now they claim they, and some Iraqis,(seriously) are coming to kill me and my relatives.If that doesn't work, they are sending a nuclear bomb!! Damn I wish I could post the e-mail but I'm using a smartphone. Where do these degenerates come from?!?!

Good blog, and funny as hell.
NachoBaby

Feb 28 @ 4:36PM  
That's right damnit.. real red blooded american girls start conversations like this..


hey sexy.. wanna fuck?
snoopdogg182

Feb 28 @ 4:38PM  
LMAO ------ I almost fell for that and called and gave my credit card number ------NOT. There's no way in fucking hell and if anyone fell for that then shame on them. It was a good class for the people who don't know though I bet they're thanking you very much.
ladybootscooter

Feb 28 @ 4:57PM  
Good one and a shiny green fat free thingy to ya!
lolthisistoofunny

Feb 28 @ 5:36PM  
Oh, I have so much fun pissing them off! Here's one of the most entertaining conversations I had with one a couple years ago..yes, I even saved it! it's quite lengthy but if you have time to read, by all means...

ME (8:44:01 AM): kate? ummm, are you female?
ME (8:44:39 AM): I’ve never heard of a man named kate
ME (8:45:00 AM): not to mention, either way, I'm hardly your "beloved." LOL...i don't even have a clue who you are
“HER” (8:45:30 AM): lol
“HER” (8:45:33 AM): I am ....(edited)
“HER” (8:45:37 AM): 55yrs old
ME (8:45:38 AM): well, i see your pic now...
ME (8:45:49 AM): ok...so did you IM me by accident?
“HER” (8:46:05 AM): i am presently in the hsopital suffering from breast cancer and the doctor says i have a short time to live...
ME (8:46:21 AM): well, i'm sorry to hear that...my sister had a double mastectomy not long ago
“HER” (8:46:32 AM): but i would want to do something that God would appreciate before i die...
ME (8:46:41 AM): that's admirable
“HER” (8:47:07 AM): I and my late husband didn't have any child before he died...
“HER” (8:47:26 AM): and he deposited some fund in a security company in Germany....
“HER” (8:47:51 AM): I would want to distribute this fund to the needy, less privilege and churches
ME (8:47:59 AM): wonderful
“HER” (8:48:06 AM): including those affected by the Hurricane in FL
ME (8:48:23 AM): sounds great
“HER” (8:48:34 AM): Beloved what is your name?
ME (8:48:38 AM): i'm on the phone...keep talking...(edited)
“HER” (8:48:47 AM): Ok...
“HER” (8:49:54 AM): beloved i would want you to know that i selecting you is divine and it is from God.....
“HER” (8:50:35 AM): I found your ID after praying to God to help me in search of the right person that would carryout this divine assignment and i was lead by the holy spirit to choose you
“HER” (8:50:40 AM): and i know you would be blessed
“HER” (8:50:43 AM): are you there?
ME (8:51:04 AM): yes...hold on phone. keep explaining to me..this sounds great!
“HER” (8:51:38 AM): I would want to know if you are a christian?
ME (8:51:44 AM): since i was five
“HER” (8:51:44 AM): have you given your life to Christ?
ME (8:51:50 AM): for 42 years
“HER” (8:51:58 AM): Ooh that is great....
“HER” (8:52:12 AM): since i gave my life to Christ i have been hearing from him
“HER” (8:52:28 AM): and since then i have known peace, happiness and joy
“HER” (8:52:44 AM): beloved now i know that wealth is vanity upon vanity
“HER” (8:52:50 AM): are you married?
ME (8:52:57 AM): no
“HER” (8:53:05 AM): any kids?
ME (8:53:14 AM): a daughter, who's almost 30
“HER” (8:53:46 AM): that nice
“HER” (8:54:14 AM): Beloved my health is getting worst day by day
“HER” (8:54:29 AM): And i don’t want this fund to go to the german govt...
“HER” (8:54:47 AM): I would want this fund to be distributed to the needy...
ME (8:55:38 AM): great...then why don't you distribute it to the needy?
“HER” (8:55:39 AM): Without any further delay i would want you to contact my family attorney who is based in the u.k, who is going to legalise this transfer hereby making you the beneficiary to this fund
“HER” (8:56:13 AM): Beloved i would want you to know that i am a dying patient
“HER” (8:56:32 AM): waiting for my heavenly father to come and take me home
“HER” (8:56:48 AM): i am doing his will not my will...
“HER” (8:57:49 AM): beloved are you there?
ME (8:58:00 AM): sorry, trying to hold phone conversation and talk to you at the same time
“HER” (8:58:10 AM): ok...
ME (8:59:47 AM): so tell me what God has planned for me to do with regard to your proposal?
“HER” (9:00:48 AM): Beloved he wants to use you to save a soul....
“HER” (9:00:53 AM): He knows best
ME (9:01:19 AM): wow that's awesome! He told you this? :-D
“HER” (9:01:33 AM): He spoke to me...
“HER” (9:01:55 AM): since i gave my life to him, i have been hearing from him....
ME (9:02:13 AM): well, what do you need from me? What can I do to help?
“HER” (9:04:09 AM): I would have wanted 90% for the Needy, but i am willing to offer you 20% and 80% for the needy...
“HER” (9:04:22 AM): I would want you to contact my family attorney who is based in the U.k
“HER” (9:04:43 AM): who is going to legalise this transfer making you the beneficiary to this fund
ME (9:05:02 AM): what's the phone number?
“HER” (9:05:20 AM): here is his contact information
“HER” (9:05:28 AM): NAME (edited)
“HER” (9:05:41 AM): Email: (edited)
“HER” (9:05:54 AM): TEL (edited)
“HER” (9:07:18 AM): Beloved i know this documentation would involve fund, but that is no problem i would be responsible for any payment that comes up...
“HER” (9:07:39 AM): But i would not want the attorney to know that i am the one responsible for it
ME (9:07:44 AM): Okay, this is great! But before I do this, I'm going to forward this information right away to my attorney here in the United States to make sure all of this is legal and everything is done in the proper manner.
ME (9:08:19 AM): brb, okay?
“HER” (9:08:33 AM): cos if he does he would discourage me from entrusting this fund to you by saying you are not capable of handling this fund
“HER” (9:08:53 AM): beloved i would to deal with you personally in this transaction
“HER” (9:09:10 AM): This is my fund and i will say the way it goes..
ME (9:11:33 AM): well, no, I'd have to have my attorney advise me on this situation
ME (9:11:56 AM): i emailed him all the information and he's going to call me back
ME (9:12:37 AM): you still here?
“HER” (9:14:16 AM): Beloved you are not paying any fee
“HER” (9:14:21 AM): i am responsible for it...
“HER” (9:14:43 AM): So there is nothing to be scared of
ME (9:15:36 AM): No, I'm not worried about paying a fee; just wanting to make sure the transaction is legal and everything. No big deal; just getting some legal advice. I've already sent the content of this conversation to my attorney and he's supposed to be calling me back shortly. I'm sure your attorney there in England would have no problem with this.
“HER” (9:16:50 AM): My family attorney is here to legalise this transfer
ME (9:17:06 AM): great..i'll have my attorney contact him or her
“HER” (9:17:16 AM): I don't want this transaction disclosed to anyone...
“HER” (9:17:24 AM): And that is final
ME (9:17:36 AM): wow that sounds somewhat threatening
“HER” (9:17:37 AM): it is my fund and i am to say what happens here...
“HER” (9:18:12 AM): No...i am not but this is my last wish
“HER” (9:18:31 AM): and i have a short time to live
“HER” (9:19
lolthisistoofunny

Feb 28 @ 5:40PM  
a short time to live...
ME (8:46:21 AM): well, i'm sorry to hear that...my sister had a double mastectomy not long ago
“HER” (8:46:32 AM): but i would want to do something that God would appreciate before i die...
ME (8:46:41 AM): that's admirable
“HER” (8:47:07 AM): I and my late husband didn't have any child before he died...
“HER” (8:47:26 AM): and he deposited some fund in a security company in Germany....
“HER” (8:47:51 AM): I would want to distribute this fund to the needy, less privilege and churches
ME (8:47:59 AM): wonderful
“HER” (8:48:06 AM): including those affected by the Hurricane in FL
ME (8:48:23 AM): sounds great
“HER” (8:48:34 AM): Beloved what is your name?
ME (8:48:38 AM): i'm on the phone...keep talking...(edited)
“HER” (8:48:47 AM): Ok...
“HER” (8:49:54 AM): beloved i would want you to know that i selecting you is divine and it is from God.....
“HER” (8:50:35 AM): I found your ID after praying to God to help me in search of the right person that would carryout this divine assignment and i was lead by the holy spirit to choose you
“HER” (8:50:40 AM): and i know you would be blessed
“HER” (8:50:43 AM): are you there?
ME (8:51:04 AM): yes...hold on phone. keep explaining to me..this sounds great!
“HER” (8:51:38 AM): I would want to know if you are a christian?
ME (8:51:44 AM): since i was five
“HER” (8:51:44 AM): have you given your life to Christ?
ME (8:51:50 AM): for 42 years
“HER” (8:51:58 AM): Ooh that is great....
“HER” (8:52:12 AM): since i gave my life to Christ i have been hearing from him
“HER” (8:52:28 AM): and since then i have known peace, happiness and joy
“HER” (8:52:44 AM): beloved now i know that wealth is vanity upon vanity
“HER” (8:52:50 AM): are you married?
ME (8:52:57 AM): no
“HER” (8:53:05 AM): any kids?
ME (8:53:14 AM): a daughter, who's almost 30
“HER” (8:53:46 AM): that nice
“HER” (8:54:14 AM): Beloved my health is getting worst day by day
“HER” (8:54:29 AM): And i don’t want this fund to go to the german govt...
“HER” (8:54:47 AM): I would want this fund to be distributed to the needy...
ME (8:55:38 AM): great...then why don't you distribute it to the needy?
“HER” (8:55:39 AM): Without any further delay i would want you to contact my family attorney who is based in the u.k, who is going to legalise this transfer hereby making you the beneficiary to this fund
“HER” (8:56:13 AM): Beloved i would want you to know that i am a dying patient
“HER” (8:56:32 AM): waiting for my heavenly father to come and take me home
“HER” (8:56:48 AM): i am doing his will not my will...
“HER” (8:57:49 AM): beloved are you there?
ME (8:58:00 AM): sorry, trying to hold phone conversation and talk to you at the same time
“HER” (8:58:10 AM): ok...
ME (8:59:47 AM): so tell me what God has planned for me to do with regard to your proposal?
“HER” (9:00:48 AM): Beloved he wants to use you to save a soul....
“HER” (9:00:53 AM): He knows best
ME (9:01:19 AM): wow that's awesome! He told you this? :-D
“HER” (9:01:33 AM): He spoke to me...
“HER” (9:01:55 AM): since i gave my life to him, i have been hearing from him....
ME (9:02:13 AM): well, what do you need from me? What can I do to help?
“HER” (9:04:09 AM): I would have wanted 90% for the Needy, but i am willing to offer you 20% and 80% for the needy...
“HER” (9:04:22 AM): I would want you to contact my family attorney who is based in the U.k
“HER” (9:04:43 AM): who is going to legalise this transfer making you the beneficiary to this fund
ME (9:05:02 AM): what's the phone number?
“HER” (9:05:20 AM): here is his contact information
“HER” (9:05:28 AM): NAME (edited)
“HER” (9:05:41 AM): Email: (edited)
“HER” (9:05:54 AM): TEL (edited)
“HER” (9:07:18 AM): Beloved i know this documentation would involve fund, but that is no problem i would be responsible for any payment that comes up...
“HER” (9:07:39 AM): But i would not want the attorney to know that i am the one responsible for it
ME (9:07:44 AM): Okay, this is great! But before I do this, I'm going to forward this information right away to my attorney here in the United States to make sure all of this is legal and everything is done in the proper manner.
ME (9:08:19 AM): brb, okay?
“HER” (9:08:33 AM): cos if he does he would discourage me from entrusting this fund to you by saying you are not capable of handling this fund
“HER” (9:08:53 AM): beloved i would to deal with you personally in this transaction
“HER” (9:09:10 AM): This is my fund and i will say the way it goes..
ME (9:11:33 AM): well, no, I'd have to have my attorney advise me on this situation
ME (9:11:56 AM): i emailed him all the information and he's going to call me back
ME (9:12:37 AM): you still here?
“HER” (9:14:16 AM): Beloved you are not paying any fee
“HER” (9:14:21 AM): i am responsible for it...
“HER” (9:14:43 AM): So there is nothing to be scared of
ME (9:15:36 AM): No, I'm not worried about paying a fee; just wanting to make sure the transaction is legal and everything. No big deal; just getting some legal advice. I've already sent the content of this conversation to my attorney and he's supposed to be calling me back shortly. I'm sure your attorney there in England would have no problem with this.
“HER” (9:16:50 AM): My family attorney is here to legalise this transfer
ME (9:17:06 AM): great..i'll have my attorney contact him or her
“HER” (9:17:16 AM): I don't want this transaction disclosed to anyone...
“HER” (9:17:24 AM): And that is final
ME (9:17:36 AM): wow that sounds somewhat threatening
“HER” (9:17:37 AM): it is my fund and i am to say what happens here...
“HER” (9:18:12 AM): No...i am not but this is my last wish
“HER” (9:18:31 AM): and i have a short time to live
“HER” (9:19:53 AM): So you are to contact my family attoney alone
“HER” (9:19:59 AM): is that clear?
ME (9:21:02 AM): ok, i won't contact my attorney, but I will contact my brother, who is an FBI agent, and see what he has to say about this.
“HER” (9:21:30 AM): ok........
“HER” (9:22:11 AM): Beloved are you doubting me..?
ME (9:22:31 AM): No, I just want to make sure I'm not violating any American laws.
“HER” (9:22:44 AM): Beloved you are not
ME (9:22:51 AM): You know, the Patriot Act and all, and International Banking is really crazy now, because of it...
ME (9:23:04 AM): Well, with all due respect, you're not an attorney, so I'd have to make sure
“HER” (9:23:07 AM): That is why i want this transfer legalised by my attorney
lolthisistoofunny

Feb 28 @ 5:42PM  
“HER” (9:23:53 AM): Beloved i don’t want you to disclose this transaction to anyone until the fund is transferred into your account....
“HER” (9:24:03 AM): Including your brother
“HER” (9:24:12 AM): you are not spending a dime
“HER” (9:24:31 AM): then why do you want inform the whole world...
ME (9:25:22 AM): I don't think God would have a problem with me contacting my attorney...also, if the money's in Germany, why wouldn't I be contacting a German attorney?
“HER” (9:25:28 AM): Beloved i am just doing all this just because of my late husband and God...
“HER” (9:26:25 AM): after the documentation is done i would send the contact info of the security company including the transaction code that was given to my late husband
ME (9:27:06 AM): ok, and you're just going to entrust a complete stranger to help you with this transaction? why not just distribute the funds to some charity here or abroad?
“HER” (9:28:05 AM): Beloved i am a servant of the most high God and i am doing what he asked me to do...
“HER” (9:28:11 AM): He knows best..
ME (9:28:20 AM): he asked you to contact me personally?
“HER” (9:28:37 AM): I was lead by the holy spirit.....
ME (9:29:14 AM): I mean, did he say, "Thou shalt go to Yahoo personals and seek out the member by the name of (edited) to help you with this endeavor?"
“HER” (9:29:35 AM): He said in his word that he would send the holy spirit to direct us...
“HER” (9:29:51 AM): Are you a Believer?
ME (9:29:52 AM): and he directed you to me? Out of millions of people? Wow.
ME (9:29:54 AM): oh yes
ME (9:30:28 AM): are you?
“HER” (9:30:41 AM): Beloved i am...
“HER” (9:31:05 AM): My belief would not allow me to hurt my fellow sister in the Lord..
ME (9:31:35 AM): Tell you what I'll do...if you truly believe in the Lord, then I want you to do something for me...
ME (9:32:34 AM): I want you to promsie me that if any of this is going to get me in trouble, or hurt me financially in any way, that you will be willing to forfeit your own life...that you will kill yourself.
“HER” (9:33:57 AM): Beloved I am a child of God...
“HER” (9:34:33 AM): Like i said earlier on i CANNOT hurt my fellow believer..
ME (9:34:47 AM): but will you make that promise to me?
“HER” (9:34:47 AM): my belief and trust in God would not allow me...
“HER” (9:34:58 AM): I am making it to you and God...
ME (9:35:10 AM): that you will kill yourself if I am hurt by this
“HER” (9:35:24 AM): Yes, you cannot get hurt
“HER” (9:35:29 AM): take me for my word
ME (9:35:41 AM): no, I want you to promise me that you will take your own life if I get hurt by this
“HER” (9:35:58 AM): I promise
ME (9:36:00 AM): I mean, there's a lot at stake here, ya know.
ME (9:36:06 AM): you do?
“HER” (9:36:18 AM): Beloved there is no problem...
“HER” (9:36:35 AM): I am giving you the 100% assurance
ME (9:36:40 AM): well, okay..then I'll have my attorney contact your attorney and we'll go from there
“HER” (9:36:51 AM): that this transaction is risk free...
“HER” (9:37:27 AM): Beloved i don't want you to disclose this transaction to anyone until this fund is transferred into your acct
ME (9:37:40 AM): well, of course you'll have to transfer funds to an account set up by my attorney; i, of course, will not disclose my personal information to anyone.
“HER” (9:37:45 AM): i would want to witness what you will use this fund for, before i die
ME (9:38:01 AM): oh, that's no problem, my attorney can provide you with that information
ME (9:38:25 AM): and ensure that the money is going to good use and you can die in peace
“HER” (9:39:10 AM): Beloved i am getting weak....
“HER” (9:39:38 AM): My attorney is here to get this transaction legalised
ME (9:39:45 AM): Well, he's supposed to be calling me back any minute now. Do you think you can hold on until then?
“HER” (9:39:49 AM): Don't disclose this to anyone
“HER” (9:39:59 AM): is that clear....?
“HER” (9:40:18 AM): I don't know
ME (9:40:21 AM): Too late. I already have. I told you he's calling me back.
ME (9:40:34 AM): Don't die on me!
“HER” (9:40:52 AM): the doctor has warned me not to sit long.........
ME (9:41:01 AM): oh then by all means stand up
ME (9:41:06 AM): or lay down
ME (9:41:26 AM): I have to go feed my dogs..ok if I get back to you later?
ME (9:42:12 AM): by that time I should have some information back from my attorney
“HER” (9:42:25 AM): contact my attorney..
“HER” (9:42:30 AM): asap
ME (9:42:40 AM): i'll have my attorney contact your attorney ...asap
ME (9:42:50 AM): take care...gotta run for now! bye!
“HER” (9:43:09 AM): Beloved you are not doing what i ask you to do...
“HER” (9:43:38 AM): I am having double mind entrusting this fund to you
“HER” (9:43:56 AM): u there?
hopon

Feb 28 @ 6:00PM  
You always bring a smile to my face, a laugh to my heart, and hard nips to my tits..... oops.... did I say that????????

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Attention all scammers! Consider this "Singles Site semantics" 101.