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posted 2/26/2008 8:46:38 PM |
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OK, here it is. You have a friend of the opposite sex, that you have not had contact with in 20 years. You finally reunite. They tell you they have been in an on off relationship with someone for a few years, and have finally just broke it off for good.

You pick up your friendship with them, like 20 years was never missed. They email you a week later, and tell you, you can no longer talk to them on the telephone, because they got back together with the boyfriend or girlfriend, and are not permitted to have friends of the opposite sex.

They tell you that they will continue to be your friend, however it would have to be via email. This does not seem to be a problem with your reunited friend, because they tell you, they do not permit their boyfriend or girlfriend to have friends of the opposite sex as well. How would you handle this? If you have an opinion, I would love to hear it.

Thank you

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Feb 26 @ 8:52PM  
I have never asked anyone I was involved with to not have friends that were female, and if any of them had asked me not to have males as friends...........well i wouldnt be involved with them. Thats a control issue I just wouldnt put up with. I have a lot of male friends and I wouldnt give them up for best friend is a man...........and if it came between choosing him as a friend and someone I was involved with..........i wouldnt be involved anymore. JMO

Feb 26 @ 8:59PM  
Well, in this particular situation it seems like a lose-lose all the way around. But generally speaking, I do not believe if one is in a committed relationship in having "friends of the opposite sex," UNLESS those friends are also your friends too. Now, I'm not talking about keeping in touch occasionally with a friend from your past...what I'm talking about is stuff like, "Hey, this weekend I'm going fishing with my buddy, Jennifer.", I don't THINK so! LOL.

anyway...I'd steer clear of this person ...far too much ambiguity at hand least it would be for me.

Feb 26 @ 9:02PM  

Omg I tell you how I handle it! I tell my supposed 'friend' to go shove it.

No one WILL EVER tell me who I can and cannot be friends with. Of course, when in a friendship with the opposite sex, I am always window-pane obvious with everything I do with them. And also the same with the same sex! If her boyfriend (and she, apparently!) are too insecure to deal with each other having a friend of the same sex, do you really want to be involved with someone that ....ahem... whooped? Also, CHILDISH?

Not me!


Feb 26 @ 9:02PM  
they're outta control........get outta the way.......

Feb 26 @ 9:02PM  
Luv I would ask what are you getting yourself into ?

Feb 26 @ 9:03PM  
Ewe_Wish is right that is a control issue, BIG TIME!
Isolating someone from friends of the opposite sex is really bad, but it’s probably only step one it the process of control, next the other friends, then family, bad bad cyle!

Feb 26 @ 9:07PM  
My ex was like this, to make a long story short the control went to the point of close friends and family. I'm divorced does this tell you anything.

Jealousy , and control don't work and can be very dangerous. For you friends safety adhere to the no call rule. But keep your ear to the ground, you may need to call the cops some night.

My two cents. Sounds like abuse waiting to happen.


Feb 26 @ 9:13PM  
Um,that arrangement does not sound {email address removed} love isn't about suspicion and mistrust whatsoever.

Feb 26 @ 9:22PM  
Isolating someone from friends of the opposite sex is really bad, but it’s probably only step one it the process of control, next the other friends, then family, bad bad cyle!

Thats what I told her, almost word for word lol and she is now gonna marry him.

Feb 26 @ 10:09PM  
they aren't a real friend and I remember all the good times I had with them as I say goodbye to my past

Feb 26 @ 10:41PM  
Again, I think it depends on one's definition of having "friends" of the opposite sex. To say that one isn't "allowed" to do anything is extremely controlling, not to mention laughable, but I also do think that when two people make a commitment to one another, that having friends of the opposite sex (in terms of hanging out with just that one person) is oftentimes a recipe for relationship disaster. Some 99 percent of my friends when I used to go out a lot were men...since I seem to relate a lot better to men than I do to women...and the vast majority of those always had been, and always would be, platonic. But I'd give every last one of them up in a heartbeat (in terms of "hanging out" with them) if I met a man and made a commitment to him. That's what having a *commitment* is all know, forsaking all others and all that good stuff. Don't get me wrong; I certainly don't mean that in the extreme sense of the word...everyone needs friends and having friends of both genders is not unreasonable. But ...hell, as far as that goes, I'd "give up" friends of the same sex, too...because I'd be wanting to spend most of my time with my partner, and I spend so much time working and time with my dogs I really don't have time for doing things with friends. I'm very comfortable being by myself, in fact. It wouldn't be any big deal at all to relinquish superficial friendships I have; I wouldn't consider it a sacrifice at all, because I'd be much happier being with my mate than I would be spending time with them.


Feb 26 @ 11:19PM  
Well gotta agee with Ewe_Wish again lol she seems to be right a lot Personally If "he" was jealous of my friends then I would introduce him to my friends I'm not ashamed of any of them and would love for him to meet and hopefully get along. My friends were probably in my life first so what do you think?? I'll try but don't tell me I can't do something cause he's out of my life then

Feb 26 @ 11:21PM  
I wouldn't consider it a sacrifice at all, because I'd be much happier being with my mate than I would be spending time with them.
I did that, moved 900 miles to be with a man that I thought I would spend my life with, didnt bother making any friends, just a couple acquaintances that I knew at work, and I worked and spent time with that man. And when the relationship ended I no longer knew how to do anything by myself.........and I didnt even really know who I was....if you asked me if I liked something it was always We like it we did we did that............took me two years to find who I was again........I believe that you should spend alot of time with your mate.......but i will never ever spend all my time with him when I am not at lose a part of yourself in doing that. I will never go back to living in someones pocket nor expect him to live in mine. JMHO

Feb 27 @ 2:30AM  
Just my nickel.

When they would have told ME, that they were in an on/off relationship, it would have stopped there. I might get flamed for this, but every single person I have ever known in my entire life that has been in that type, never gets out of it, or moves on with it. Again just how I feel, but they cant make up their frickin mind when this goes on. And anyone getting into any part of this type as any kind of a third person, friend lover, whatever, WILL get burned because of it.

Feb 27 @ 3:47PM  
I say that your friend needs some help in the head. The way I see it it's her lose. Too bad there are actually people out there that are like this.

Feb 28 @ 12:14AM  
I have been in a relationship where I wasn't allowed to have male friends, at first. Then it was also female friends, then family members, then commute home from work was timed, then couldn't go to grocery store alone. Soon the control is total, you are completely isolated, you are at total mercy and no one to tell or cry on their shoulder. Then the physical abuse starts in. I was lucky and got out alive, just barely. It's a situation I will never be in again.

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