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Dumb Questions and a Shout out to a Gentleman

posted 2/26/2008 12:51:17 PM |
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  sundance64

The first part of this is not directed at anyone in particular. Someone asked these questions and I said I would answer them. However...the questions pertain to making choices between friends...so if you don't like the topic, don't read it.

dumb questions:

• is it easy for you to do this? or hard?
It's never easy when two people you care about are at odds with each other. To try and stay neutral...especially when you don't know the entire story, is difficult because your loyalties are called into question by one or the other of those friends. However, I can and do tend to stay out of private disputes...and in this case told both people that I didn't want to get involved and wouldn't take sides since they were both friends.

• is it any easier in cyberspace than in real life?
Depends. I've made some very good friends online...who are just as much a friend as anyone in real life. But one thing all my friends know about me is this: What you see is what you get. I don't believe in saying something behind a person's back that I wouldn't say to their face...either online or in person. So to answer that question...it doesn't matter either way.
• how about keeping or giving up mutual friends in separations and divorces .......
can you pull that off too?

Ugh...been there and done that. In my own dramas I've been guilty of and felt justified in asking my friends to choose between me and my ex-. Not by coming out and saying that...but by talking badly about him and telling them what an asshole he was. The outcome of that was predictable to say the least; the friends who never really liked him took my side and fell in with me in upbraiding him. The ones who were his friends before we met (I don't know if they liked me or not...) took his side. There were those who did remain neutral...I resented them for months. But after looking back on my behavior during that time, I realized I was wrong to do that. I know this sounds all sweetness and light but, I learned from that...finally. That's not to say if I'm ever in that type of situation again...I won't react without thinking. I'm saying I'll do my best to think about my actions and let my friends make their own choices.

One more thing on this subject and then I'm done.
People choose to stay neutral (or sit on the fence) when friends get into a dispute for various reasons...not just to wait and see what happens and then to stir shit up again. The only shit stirring I see here is someone telling the entire blogging community to take sides. I gave my reasons for wanting to stay out of it and for not wanting to choose between one friend and another...I'm an adult not a 15 year old in the school yard worried about being in the popular crowd.

Oh...the shout out? Go check out my engagement ring picture...the last comment left on it. That's a gentleman ladies! Check him out!

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Blogs by sundance64:
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So I have this pussy...
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After Dark pt 6 (Conclusion)
C'mon people...
After Dark pt 5 (since I skipped a day...Bonus)
After Dark 4
The power of prayer and positive thinking...
After Dark pt 3
After Dark pt 2
For the Blogging Contest...After Dark pt 1
Two Funnies...
Dumb Questions and a Shout out to a Gentleman
Something Different (re-posted)
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Note to self...
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Some More Pet Peeves
Saturday morning and feeling better
The Birthday Dinner...
Friday Quiz...Just how smart are you?
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The Stella Awards
No Strings Attached!!


Comments:

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NachoBaby

Feb 26 @ 1:07PM  
Wow Sunny D... fancy you and I making almost the same blog.. well mine is a bit more pointed but .. basically the same.. make your own damned choices.. don't let anyone else make them for you..

wow.. and then I realize.. someone made my choice for me.. damnit I hate when that happens.
NachoBaby

Feb 26 @ 1:40PM  
oops scuze me.. I forgetted teh cookie.. but I came back with it..
sundance64

Feb 26 @ 1:44PM  
Just for the record...the only reason I remove people from my friends list is because they haven't been active (as in signed on) in a few months...or because they aren't active on the site and I don't correspond with them. I have never removed someone from my list simply because I've disagreed with them or because they're friends with someone I don't like.

If you're not on my friends list...it's probably because you never sent me a friends request, and never indicated you wanted to be on my friends list.
sundance64

Feb 26 @ 2:01PM  
Also, just for the record;

If anyone had any ideas about voting for me for any catagories on this AMD year book...please don't bother. This site is an ongoing popularity contest...with the most popular and most hated changing at least weekly. I was once the belle of the ball here and it was fun while it lasted...I truly have no need for the validation of the people on this site.

And if no one thought to vote for me...fuck ya'll!
canuhelpme258

Feb 26 @ 2:18PM  
A tale of two blogs.. saying about the same thing... pardon me if I post one response right here... I want it to be heard over the cliquing sound and the other is buzzing in it....

(uh-oh did he just say that? I had my bad ear turned to him...)

First and foremost... I chose, I chose not to choose, I asked not to be made to choose; the choice left my hands...

Now this whole damn business has taken way to much of people's time and energy and here I am wasting more...

See I like playing both bass and guitar, if someone told me to pick one just one... I'd tell them to go fuck off... no you don't play both at the same time... that is called The Chapman Stick a whole different instrument all together.

Back to choices... both parties tried to tell me their unique view on the situation... both were told "I don't wanna hear it" I didn't still don't never will... he said she said we said thy said... I'm saying I don't wanna hear it... BOTH got mad, but got over it... now this... it wasn't a choice it was an ultimatum "if you slide the slide with sally then you can't shoot marbles with me"

Funny thing about putting me in a spot like that... as soon as you do, you made my mind up, I'm a fully grown (though not always mature adult) School yard bullying tactics tell me there is something amiss... I should keep a distance...


Okay since I'm cleaning out the whole closet here goes this as well... too lazy to post my own blog!

By limiting myself to just making funny commentary on the blogs here, not getting immersed in the bullshittery... I've come to have a harder time defending the notion that there is no cliquish gang trying to bully their way around on the site....

No really... except for some of his more lunatic rambles about Nazis Asnet and Narrow been right...

Don't like hearing that? Prove I'm fucking wrong... gang up on me and tell me off...
NachoBaby

Feb 26 @ 2:23PM  
Don't like hearing that? Prove I'm fucking wrong... gang up on me and tell me off...

Er.. ummm... yeah.. not so much. Can I just gang up on ya and not worry about provin anything?
canuhelpme258

Feb 26 @ 2:24PM  
Sure Sam... lol... but I got you out numbered with my Red Rider BB gun
SxzeNewMe

Feb 26 @ 2:33PM  
I've always thought of relationships like links of circles - you know, the Olympic symbol. One circle overlaps another circle and so on... Other people see relationships like bubbles - a series of circles next to one another. This is how I visualize the difference between a circle of friends and a clique; one allows overlapping, one does not.

I would never ask anyone to take sides - and I never have. I have walked away from failed friendships, and that is something for which I cannot nor will feel guilty for. When a friend betrays my trust, the foundation for friendship is gone. What else is there to do but move on? Yet, somehow, that gets turned around to be something sinister. Just as defending myself when my character is attacked and proving that untruths have been told has been turned around to be something bad or wrong. (Incidentally, the link is to a Google cached document from AMD...NOT a .pdf. No need - Google kept a record.)

The fact is, not all friendships last. Some friendships can be mended after hard times, some can't. Some I wish would, some I could care less. By someone's own admission, a choice was made between two loyalties and someone got mad and hurt. Surprise, surprise? But that person moved on...and I have not bothered anyone in any way, shape, manner, or form. The ONLY reason this shit continues is someone else has decided to launch a campaign against me. Anyone who wants to turn this shit around and say that I am stirring shit and not moving on is truly living in a fantasy world. Just because I proved an untruth to be an untruth, it is NOT my fault that this shit is happening. I haven't put anyone's loyalties to the test, I've not challenged anyone to choose between friends, I've not put forth accusations that I can't prove...If y'all want this shit to end, shut the fuck up and leave me alone. I'm not bothering anyone!

Jeanie, I'm sorry to rant on your blog. Delete at will; I'm just sick of these people acting like children and proclaiming that it's all my fault.

NachoBaby

Feb 26 @ 2:37PM  
You're gonna put an eye out with that thing!!!!
canuhelpme258

Feb 26 @ 2:39PM  
I have not bothered anyone in any way, shape, manner, or form
Nope you been gooder than me. I been real damn good only flew off one handle when a joke got twisted by the twisted fister lol....
canuhelpme258

Feb 26 @ 2:39PM  
You're gonna put an eye out with that thing!!!!

Thats what the first girl to give me head said
DarkDesires99

Feb 26 @ 3:05PM  
Hey my nickname at work is Switzerland. (for real it is!)
I see no reason to change that policy on here.
That is who I am, neutral.
Don’t get me wrong I have my passions.
Ignorance and intolerance are my two biggest things to get me upset enough to fight about.

canuhelpme258

Feb 26 @ 3:13PM  
Republicans are my pet peeves... lol...

So are hypocrites...
asnet

Feb 26 @ 3:16PM  
SunD is right about the distinction between friends and acquaintances.
Getting them mixed up can be fatal.
Friendship has depth, takes time, stands the test of time, is personal and private.
I don't know where the idea of pinning up pictures of friends in public comes from ....
high school I think, when everybody wanted to be voted Most Popular in Home Room 14-B;
in the Color Wars at summer camp when Red was really Red and Blue was Blue!
when we scotch-taped to our walls at home pictures of baseball, hockey and tennis players;
movie stars; war heroes. After I got here I thought what the hell, when in Rome do as the Romans do.
So I pinned up some pictures in this and that category. Then I remembered that my friends were nobody else's business
and I took them all down long ago. I know who they are.
The false intimacy of cyberspace doesn't change anything.
It only creates illusions about time and depth.
Friendship doesn't move at the speed of light.
It's not two-dimensional. It doesn't fit on a nine by 15-inch screen
sumdaysoon

Feb 26 @ 5:51PM  
intelligent answers to dumb questions.........
31sunshine

Feb 26 @ 10:15PM  
I was sent an email once that says everyone comes into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I totally agree.

Once I figure out where each person fits, it makes it easy for me to go with the flow of life and accept each person in my life for whatever "lesson" I'm to learn from them.

We each have to make the best choice for us individually and when I can look myself in the face everyday and be ok with the choices I've made, I'm true to myself and I can't ask for more than that.

Anyway, I don't know much about the issues that continue here, don't care to, but these are my thoughts. Thanks for listening.
canuhelpme258

Feb 27 @ 3:24AM  
A tale of two blogs...

Funny how people gather round one that sugar coats the truth with colloquialisms and cute spelling ... yours not so much..

Doesn't help I pissed in people's O.J. and Asnet made valid points ...

A bunch of us need to reevaluate or behavior, step back and look deep...

I remember much.... that should scare the bejesus outta people...
NachoBaby

Feb 27 @ 9:56PM  
Wow, that was kinda shitty Billy. Thanks.
NachoBaby

Feb 27 @ 10:03PM  
Nah fuck it, I came in here to give Sunny another Kudo and comment and boost her ratings..and damnit that's exactly what I'm going to do. If you got probs with my spellin and use of colorful words.. tough shit..

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Dumb Questions and a Shout out to a Gentleman