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Guys' Profiles and Essay Responses...the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

posted 2/17/2008 11:31:54 AM |
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  Wordsofwit

Most women are in a profession that involves writing and communicating. Most men are not. It you want to meet women online, you need to communicate to them in writing.

If you read women's profiles and essays (real women), you will see that many put forth an effort to communicate to the men. Most men just run the surface in theirs' with minimal effort and communication.

You must write for the reader, not for yourself.

View the essays for meeting somebody as being the same thing as a resume if you are seeking a job. Also, view yourself as a marketing director for a product line; sales been below targets? Mark Twain once said that insanity was trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Guys, let me suggest that you take the essay questions and copy/paste them into Microsoft Word or something. Then answer them at your leisure. Put it down, then go back and add, edit, etc. Also try to be specific. For example, if you put in "I enjoy going to a concert for live music." What kind of music? Movies? What types? If you enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, what kind of wine?

Design your essay responses that a lady can read it and know everything that she needs to know to determine how much you two relate to one another.

Intelligent/witty/empathetic blog posts and comments definitely help.

Another rule that seems to work is don't view this as a "sex site" but rather avoid saying anything to somebody that you don't know that you wouldn't say at a club or a party.

Don't be afraid to ask female friends, maybe even your sister or daughter, to critique it. After all, they are females that know you. Make damned sure that you spell check it.

Allegorically, when it comes to meeting women, maybe the reason you aren't catching fish is that you are fishing with dead bait.

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

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Comments:

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Looking4ever

Feb 17 @ 11:39AM  
Damn fine points, WoW.
Ewe_Wish

Feb 17 @ 11:47AM  
*sits here pondering how many will have to look up the definition of Allegorically*

Bruce, Well done! Most of us know in the first 2 lines of an email as to whether they have read ours or not (if there is even two lines to it.) I don't know about anyone else but I don't even bother reading a profile if I know they haven't read mine.

Another thing to note is.....if they are going to write.......they shouldn't include a personal email addy in the first email.......I figure they are scammers and I wouldn't email them outside of the site whether they were or not, simply because I don't want to give out my private email address until it is someone I know.

Another thing you hit on was their essay......if it isn't filled out with some information on it..........other that me want pussy........I am not going to bother writing back to them.......of course that might just be me. JMO
gwenafar

Feb 17 @ 11:58AM  
Something as simple as an amusing screen name can "grab" me. So even putting some thought into that can help. But when a profile has alot of these......................................rather than answers to the questions it just makes me feel that the person is either too lazy, too stupid to think of what to write, or they just don't care.
Guys...if you come across as genuine and human, we ladies may take you more seriously.

I will not reply to a profile that is seedy, sleazy or vague.

If you have something interesting to say then say it.

I have replied to men without pictures based soley on the fact that their message to me was thoughtful, considerate, interesting and funny.

Funny is good, guys. I also think that photos of your face help tremendously. I will not write to a guy with just a "dick pic"....just doesn't do a thing for me. I've seen so many on here already. If I need a dick...I'll grab my dildo.
Ewe_Wish

Feb 17 @ 12:23PM  
As I said to you in private email, WoW, newbies should also start playing in the blogs and the forums, and get to know people. It will also show who they are. You learn a lot about people in there. And there are a lot of people who read the blogs that don't comment so its not just a small group of people on the site reading them.
NachoBaby

Feb 17 @ 12:23PM  
The one thing that irks me.. is the guys who add you to their friends list without ever even contacting you.. and then get mad when you won't add them. I've added a few who I have had very little contact with but at least the first contact was either interesting or amusing. But I won't just add someone with whom I feel I have nothing in common.. face it.

Wanna fucks from people I have never spoken to or at least commented on a blog or something.. get instantly deleted.. I quit even trying to answer them.

serious emails get attention. Try that...

Great blog Bruce! Anyone told you lately that you're HAWT?
Wordsofwit

Feb 17 @ 12:28PM  
Great point on those reading blogs but not commentting, Dayna. One only has to look at the stats of views versus comments.
wolfcat85

Feb 17 @ 1:04PM  
My heart is with you, OP. I too went to school when people actually wrote with typewriters. This means I have a viscerally negative reaction to "u" for "you", "your" or "ur" for "you're", and "i" for "I". Can't help it, but I notice that the more I read on these sites, the more tolerant I become. Kind of like listening to rap music until you can take it, not that you ever expect to like it. Still I sympathize when a lady gets an email with the grammar of a two-year old, the spelling of a six-year old, and the romantic sentiments of a Junior High School locker room.

All that being said, I can't say it makes much difference. I'm not on this site for friends. Those I have. I'm on here for the benefits - or rather that's why I signed up. Still waiting for results.

I've lavished care on my profile, polishing it, trying to make it not too long, not too short, not too crude, not too refined, not too vague, not too filled with irrelevant or embarrasing details, etc. etc. In emails I've also worked hard to be witty, warm and willing, all the while trying to live up to my own antediluvian standards of written English.

So how has that worked for me? Not any better than for you, to judge from your confession: "I have not encountered anyone locally that I want to meet who wants to meet me." I get the feeling we are both barking up the wrong tree.

And thanks for the definition of insanity. I've heard it before but didn't know Twain said it.
ladybootscooter

Feb 17 @ 1:25PM  
Damn fine bit of information there Bruce, sadly those that need it most will probably never read it! But I'm leaving you a shiny green thingy in appreciation!
Ewe_Wish

Feb 17 @ 1:48PM  
You know Bruce, I thought of something else.........If people would pay more attention to age guidelines too it would help..........im not saying if they are 5 yrs younger or older.......that is a bad thing but when you have say for example looking for 40 to 55 and they are 18 or 70, they are probably wasting their time writing to people. I know a lot of us in my age group get emails from men in their 20's asking if we are too young........my answer use to be "not for my daughter".....but now I just delete them........but that also goes back to them not reading profiles and essays.................
Wordsofwit

Feb 17 @ 2:19PM  
many men would be more than happy to have an interlude with somebody the age of their daughter or even grand daughter. But women usually don't, though some do.

There may be a few cougars (middle aged women seeking younger men) or genuinely younger females seeking older men. But these folks are rare and spell it out in their essays.

If you don't fit, you don't fit. It doesn't matter if the perimeters are by age, gender, location, height, weight,etc. If you don't fit, you don't fit.

I believe in the ten percent rule. If a woman is seeking a man and I am one year too old and ten pounds to heavy, it is cool to contact her, politely. In the extreme, if she is 25 and has made it clear that she wants to meet another lady in her age group, I am obviously being a pest and wasting my time and hers.
lunanegra

Feb 17 @ 2:55PM  
If you don't fit, you don't fit. It doesn't matter if the perimeters are by age, gender, location, height, weight,etc. If you don't fit, you don't

THANK YOU.Some guys don't/won't get that...ever. Why is that some of the most useful blogs around never get the attention they so deserve? I know.. thats a hypothetical.Anywho,way decent blog.I'm on the kudo-wagon for this one.
DarkDesires99

Feb 17 @ 3:00PM  
A couple pet peeves of mine:
The guy that has too many I’ll tell you later things in the essays.
The guy that pushes to go to another channel the whole email me at ……yahoo or whatever, no thank you, I’ll stay here.
The guy who obviously did not read my essay before contacting me (most of them).
The guy that does a copy and paste in several sections of the essay.
I also agree on the sending a friend request cold without even an email first. Yuk!

The things I do like are someone with a sense of humor, a bit of intelligence and style in their writing and something to show a bit of personality. Good grammar and spelling are a big bonus in my book.
MamMan

Feb 17 @ 4:26PM  
Hhhmmmmm.....

So these are the ways to make an impression.... , boy I have been asleep at the wheel .......

Thanks, WoW, for bringing these GREAT titbits of information to light!!!


Now, where can I find a woman to critique my profile.....???
ladybootscooter

Feb 17 @ 4:28PM  
Now, where can I find a woman to critique my profile.....???

I already did!! It passes just fine baby!





jcarolina

Feb 17 @ 4:50PM  
Great blog.I am fairly new to this and I learned a lot from your blog and from the comments.Thanks to you and everyone who commented.By the way,if I gave anyone my e-mail, it was so I can send a picture,I can't upload one right now,but I will work on it.Thanks again for the blog and advice guys.
LoveJonezzzz

Feb 17 @ 4:50PM  
Thx for pointing that out, I forgot all about it
MamMan

Feb 17 @ 6:46PM  
I already did!! It passes just fine baby!
Thanks!!! Whew ....that is a relief!!!!
sugarnspice005

Feb 17 @ 7:38PM  
I don't know about anyone else but I don't even bother reading a profile if I know they haven't read mine.


me me me me me me me!! Ok..seriously...I'm the same way....if you can't read my profile...don't expect me to read yours. Like Dayna stated..one can usually tell in the first line whether or not the essays have been read. Any myself, I've gotten to where I do not even bother writing back because I get so tired of the "tantrums" (name calling etc....) when I write back saying "no" and "why". I figure if they don't want to take the time to read..I'm not going to take the time to write back.

kudos to you sir for an excellent blog.
StraddleMyNose

Feb 17 @ 9:53PM  
Dayna's right, newbies should start blogging and checking out the forums if they want to get far in meeting someone on here.
soft_touch938

Feb 18 @ 12:06AM  
Doesn't men realize they could save themselves a lot of bother if they'd just take the time to read the profiles??? I changed mine from "not looking" to "already taken and not looking and happy as is"...still I get e-mail wanting to meet me. The ironic part is...my subject line states...."NO...SO DON'T ASK"....helloooooo.....!

My profiles always had the statement in them saying..."words are important to me and you need to be able to use them...carry on an intelligent conversation that originates ABOVE your beltline. Yet I continually get e-mail consisting of 2 or 3 lines of mundane contents. If I ask them to tell me a little about themselves then I just might get blessed with a short paragraph that reads like an application without imagination or real info.

I can either write a good essay and deal with a mailbox full of garbage...or just say I'm not looking and deal with a few who just don't "get it".....you know, those ones who are forever asking me "then what are you doing here on an adult site?"

Either way...it's a no win situation...I just deal with it and shake my head in wonderment.
canuhelpme258

Feb 18 @ 2:33AM  
I said it more than one time...

"The internet is the great equalizer. It allows men of average looks (or less) to actually be seen in a far better light, with a few keystrokes."

What I mean to say is; guys who have less of a chance to meet women in a bar compared to some pretty boys, can level the playing field on internet with something as trivial as words...

Great blog, unfortunately those who need to read it, for odd reason only read what women say, if that...

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Guys' Profiles and Essay Responses...the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly