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Those damn penis pills

posted 2/9/2008 12:28:02 AM |
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  aslag

I wrote this in Iraq and recently found it again. I thought it was a bit of a chuckle. So here it is.


Penis pills

Stupid people should be shot to ensure that they can't have children. I was sitting in the smoking area today, when one of our commo guys came out to talk to me. This is the same guy who lost all of my mail while I was exiled. So, I really didn't feel like talking to him. However, as the medic, I'm required to talk to people I hate if they come to me for medical advice.

He asked me to look at some pills he bought and to tell him if they worked. I looked at the pills and my jaw dropped. They were penile enhancement pills. The price tag said $130 for a one month supply. I looked at the ingrediants and I was dumbfounded as to why he would buy them. You could get the exact same vitamins from a centrum, for a hell of a lot less.

Me: Why the hell did you buy these?

Him: Because such and such porno star said that he used these.

Me: You're an idiot. These wont work. Nothing short of genetics or surgery will help you. My advice, play the hand you were given. These things can be dangerous. Not these specificaly, but some of them can really fuck you up.

Him: Doc, you don't know what it's like to have a small penis. It sucks.I would give up anything to have a normal dick.

Ok, for all you people out there who assume that you're below average, let's see what the average is. It's about five inches erect. That's right. The world of porno will have you thinking that everyone out there has a cock bigger than yours, but if you believe porno, cable repairmen and pizza guys can't swing a dead cat without hitting a girl and her friend that'll rock his world.

Secondly, it really creeps me out to think that this guy is looking at my dick and comparing it to his. I don't know why guys put such a fucking emphasis on their size. I'm not worried. I'm not hung like a pornstar. That doesn't bother me. I can't change my genes and I'm not letting any surgeon try to adjust my dick with a knife. So, I play the cards I'm given and make up for the rest.

Guys, as a medical authority here, no pill, pump, workout, indian dick growing dance, will ever work. Deal with it. There is nothing in the medical literature that gives any indication that this crap works. Some of them can even cause erectile dysfunction. It may just be me, but I'd rather enter a gun fight with a .22 than a .45 that doesn't work.

Ok, I'd like to continue, but the guy next to me has the most ungodly body odor. I have to go. I'm serious, no healthy human being could make this kind of smell. ick. I'm out. Send disagreements, death threats, an voodoo curses to the comments section. ick I need evac now.

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   read more blogs!

Blogs by aslag:
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The day that pissed me off.
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New crap
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Those damn penis pills
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Comments:

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Ewe_Wish

Feb 9 @ 12:53AM  
indian dick growing dance,


Great Blog..........Great advice........cant get over the indian dick growing dance.............
lunanegra

Feb 9 @ 1:22AM  
Speaking from personal experience,length is not a concern of mines.If a guy's junk is more thick than long,that's what matters to me.I'm not quite in love with the notion of a guy who can tap my cervix.
beefygoblin

Feb 9 @ 1:31AM  
Dude five inches is kinda small... unless your asian. Then its huge.

Tell him to move to japan.
aslag

Feb 9 @ 1:43AM  
A guy says to another guy in a bar, "I'm 12'' long."
The second guy says to the first, "I bet I can steal your girlfriend"
"How you gonna do that?" the first guy says.
The second guy licks his eyebrow.
beefygoblin

Feb 9 @ 1:57AM  
I had to have speech therapy becouse of my tongue.This was followed by a set of spikes for braces... negative reinforcement. To keep me from knocking my teeth forward.

I can't lick my eyebrows, but I can use it as a straw.
beefygoblin

Feb 9 @ 2:09AM  
I was going to include a picture, but all I can find are the more humane "cribs". I guess the dam things went out of favor.

It's funny when I consider the amount of goth pussy those things got me. These new ones look realy pussy by comparison.

Dammit I had those things from middle through high school and now everyone gets to have "cribs" instead.

Thats fucked up.
casuallylooking

Feb 9 @ 2:42AM  
indian dick growing dance,
Could be fun to watch though....

Good blog....
Looking4ever

Feb 9 @ 3:26AM  
So, I play the cards I'm given and make up for the rest.

I'd rather enter a gun fight with a .22 than a .45 that doesn't work.


Smart stuff to learn so young....

I swear, how many times do women have to say that, "It's not what you have but what you do with it" for some guys to 'get it'?
onehornytoad69

Feb 9 @ 3:50AM  
Very True!!!! and I'm like Ewe....
frankbarks

Feb 9 @ 3:57AM  
and completely avoid a female that "needs" 10" to feel anything, she's yet another application of a Louisville Slugger.
DarkKnightWalking

Feb 9 @ 4:01AM  
... GROW-a-DICK-a....GROW-a-DICK-a...
ynot7769

Feb 9 @ 5:36AM  

very good.........and 'm not doin no damn indian dick dance or whatever no matter what people say
Ashinatrix

Feb 9 @ 6:43AM  
Stupid people should be shot to ensure that they can't have children.
Too late......this should have been mandated years ago
Ewe_Wish

Feb 9 @ 8:41AM  
GROW-a-DICK-a....GROW-a-DICK-a
DKW I believe that dance is traditional done....................naked................
soft_touch938

Feb 9 @ 10:17AM  
Not only do guys fuss about the size of their dick but they exaggerate it. Most guys that have 5 inches always say '7'....I'd like to know where they buy their rulers...the local novelty and joke shop???

Besides...it's not how deep ya plow, but how many rounds you can make that counts, as the old saying goes......
NachoBaby

Feb 9 @ 10:23AM  
Here's a toast to Normal Sized men.. anyone with more than 9 inches need not apply.. it just freakin hurts.
baldbychoice2kx

Feb 9 @ 11:16AM  
Too late......this should have been mandated years ago

I totally agree.

And I totally agree with the blog and aslag. It's yours, you were born with it and, hopefully, you'll die with it. Do what you can with it and prove that it's not the length of the cable but how it's laid.
straightup_9

Feb 9 @ 12:58PM  
indian dick growing dance

...I dunnooo....summa dem injuns r purdy sexy... ...
DarkKnightWalking

Feb 9 @ 4:48PM  
I just think we should have "Open Season" on people in general one day per year....
I think it would make a lot of folk act a hell of a lot better after that.
orzie

Feb 9 @ 10:53PM  
guess thats why little dick American men pay way to much for pussy ,fishing,imported cars .women dont like puny cocks even if they get paid the big bucks.no wonder this country is in trouble , buy american and dont let your little head head do the thinking .
Loveyoulongtime2

Feb 10 @ 8:58AM  
There are so many stupid people who will believe anything...even that there are pills that will make your dick grow bigger. Well, there are some that will help with getting an erection, but none that will grow you a bigger penis.
There are women who want a man with a big one, some don't care as long as you have something resembling a penis. For some it doesn't matter if you have nothing.
Men want to have something impressive and the penis is the thing most men are worried will let them down and they can't get the pleasure of being with the women they desire.

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Those damn penis pills