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Some Things I thought Were Funny......enjoy

posted 2/8/2008 5:51:08 PM |
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tagged: sex, new, joke
  straightup_9


I saw a billboard that read: "Need help? Call Jesus. 1-800-555-3787" So out of curiosity I did. Twenty minutes later a Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.

So this guy goes into a whorehouse. Once in the room with the prostitute, he puts $50 on the table and drops his pants. The hooker almost faints, the guy has a 18 inch cock. She says," Hold on pal, I'll lick it, I'll suck it, but you're not sticking that in me." The man pulls up his pants and picks up his $50 and says, " Screw you, I can do that myself !"

What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

Vinnie and Hank are drinking, when Vinnie leans over and starts stroking Hank's beard. Vinnie says, "Your face feels just like my wife's pussy." Hank strokes it himself and says, "You're right."

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic cop shouted to me, "Oi whats your disability?" I said "Tourettes, you fucking cunt!"

I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday, he said "Have you ever shoed a horse?" I said "No, but I've told a donkey to fuck off."

A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac." He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour." She says, "How much for all night?"

Women eh! Boob jobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, liposuction, colonic irrigation, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellys and clits, eyebrows plucked, bikini wax, armpits shaved, lips tattooed, legs waxed, diets, exercise and they wont take it up the ass cause it 'hurts'.

"Take a bunch of flowers home for your wife, sir," urged the street vendor. "I haven't got a wife," replied the young man. "Then buy a bunch for your sweetheart." "I don't have a sweetheart, either." "Well then, buy a couple of bunches to celebrate your luck."

What's the difference between Heath Ledger and Heath Ledger jokes? Heath Ledger jokes will get old.

Zebo, a half blind 5 year old African orphan has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Please give just a small donation and we will send you the video it's fucking hilarious!

I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance. So I pushed her over.

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

A guy gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. As the copper is writing up the ticket, the guy asks, "Can you arrest me for calling you a filthy name?" "Yes" replies the cop. He then asks, "Can you arrest me for thinking something?" "No" replies the cop. "Well then," says the man, "I think you're an asshole!"

I bumped into my ex-girlfriend in a bar. "I had sex with another woman last night," I told her. "But I was thinking of you the whole time." "You miss me that much?" she asked. "No," I said. "But it kept me from coming too fast."

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Comments:

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Ewe_Wish

Feb 8 @ 6:08PM  
OMG i have tears running down my face from laughing.............most of these are great...........thank you.
NachoBaby

Feb 8 @ 6:08PM  
that was awesome!!
sumdaysoon

Feb 8 @ 6:10PM  
dammit i can't quit laughing.........
gwenafar

Feb 8 @ 6:40PM  
awesome
Sunshine79

Feb 8 @ 10:36PM  
Ahhh....I needed that!!

OMG, my tummy hurts from laughing!!
Lisa46

online now!
Feb 9 @ 7:36AM  
yep these were g reat thank you!

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Some Things I thought Were Funny......enjoy