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A day in the Office for a DK....

posted 2/8/2008 4:58:32 PM |
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Not hard to guess where I work as a manager. All private thoughts during this scenario are hereafter designated by **'s. Busy weekend night, or holiday, usually both, you choose. And this was done in a JOKING manner. Usually I like my job, but like all others there are THOSE days, and all of these have happened in my career time.

Me: Next please...find everything alright?
Customer: No, do you have "skin my cat on the back porch, the musical?"
Not familiar with that one, when was it made?
Oh, about 1910.
Let me look * snicker* no, im sorry, we dont have that.
Wot the fock? thats a classic, you should have that, everyone would watch it.
*your fantasy, nurture it as you wish*
Ok then, I'll take these.
Got your member card or photo ID?
No, I dont have a card, that's too many cards in my wallet.
*one card that works in 9,000 stores, yep, thats a mighty load to bear, for sure*
It's in the car, do I really have to go get it?
Yes, I'm afraid it's policy, please do.
Wot da fock, I am a regular customer, everyone here knows me...."stomps out"
*Or I could rent to anyone that can tell me ur address and phone number so they can rent several hundred worth of shit with a bad check and never come back, your choice*
several minutes go by...meanwhile the lines backing up
Here it is, I left it at home, so I went and got it.
*sure thing...go out and get in an accident, so the family has to identify the body, no need for ID*
Not seein an account here, have you been to this store before?
No, I had an account about 5 yrs ago in timbuktu.
Oh ok, let me see if I can pull your old info up from the main database in Texas. If I cant, im afraid you will have to resign up.
I dont have time for that, how longs it take? Aren't your stores networked?
About 5 minutes...and no, for your security, their not, so your personal information is not out in the open.
*nevermind you been in here for 3 hours and got three movies, sorry to take up 5 minutes of your time*
Wot da fock...thats stupid.
random customer Scuze me, dont mean to interrupt, but...
*just did*
Can I ask a quick question?
*inward groan, they never are quick*
Our school is doing a play, and I need to know if you have 14 movies here that we need, can you look them all up real fast?
I 'm sorry, I am with a customer at the moment, I will look them up as soon as I can, thank you.
Sorry about that, I did get your info, but its outdated, just need to ask a couple questions and you'll be all set.
What info? I dont want my personal info on anyones computer, it could be stolen...
*so we should network, huh?*
Just need your phone, addy and a credit card to secure the account, please.
What do you need a CC for?
Just for security.
*naw, fuck that, lets just rent to anybody off the street.No inf, no nothing. Matter of fact, take an armload of movies right now, on us*
Wot da fock....grumblegrumble, shows proper stuff
OK, your all set on ur account now....scanscanscan...that'll be $$$.
WOTDAFOCK!! how much? thats crazy! redbox is a dollar a day, wtf...
* quick mental calculation...our new are about $4 for 3 days, so thats 1.33 a huge difference. Older are $3 for 4 days...VHS are $2 for 4 days....DUHHH...*
Well, I am a regular customer, everybody knows me and I should get one free today, im on that special club of yours.
*Looking at your account here it shows you have rented 3 since 1981 and never bought anything otherwise*
I'm sorry, it seems to show your membership in that has expired. If you resign up for X a YEAR, you can get one free then.
How much per month?
As I said before, its X a year. And your guaranteed a 12 free in a year, more if your a regular customer like yourself.
No, thats too much, ill just take these.
Thank you. You're all set, and they will be due back on....and it is also always printed on your receipt. Have a great night.
What if I forget? Can I call up and ask when their due back?
Yes, you can. Good night.
Next please....
Hi, I got 47 coupons in my mail about 6 months ago, but I forgot them, your computer keeps track of that right?
No, im sorry, they just come to you, and you have to present them at the counter.
*Does the grocery store keep track of your fuckin coupons, too? Better yet, lets just put a thousand dollars worth of free credit on your account and send you a letter that says come get it*
Well, Wot da fock, thats crazy, I'm a good customer, everyone knows me, and I should get at least one free one.
*looking down at ur account, I can see you have rented 10 since 1976, and no other purchases*
I'm very sorry, I just cant do that. It also shows here you have a 1.99 late fee for your last rental.
WOT DA FOCK! I brought that back on time. To a different store, dammit. Doesn't that count?
I'm afraid not, it says on your contract you signed, that it has to be brought back to the same store.
*yeah, we own a little fleet of trucks that just run around and gather up all your movies across the world and carry them safely home, or else we spend 5 dollars on your 4 dollar movie to ship em back...*
grumblegrumblegrumble "pays"
Thank you, have a great night.
Next please...
Do you have Brand new title, came out TODAY

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Feb 8 @ 4:58PM  
None on the shelf? ok, let me see...
No, im sorry all copies are checked out.
Can you check the drop box?
*Just came out TODAY, all kindsa signs saying that*
goes and looks
No, im sorry, all checked out, just came out today.
*hint, HINT*
Do you have any in the back?
No, im afraid not.
*Like we keep a hundred back there for people like you.*
Any due back today?
I'm afraid it was just released today, they wont be due back for about 3 days.
Ok then...grumblegrumble...I'll take these...
Thank you have a great evening.
Next please....
Do you have "skin my cat on the back porch, part 2?"
*siiiigh, only 7.5 hrs to go...*

Feb 8 @ 5:09PM  
Wow...........customers can really suck cant the way do you happen to carry the original old yeller which acted has a cat that got VD from the neighboring farmer........and went out to try and infect all the other neighbors cows? just wondering.................

Funny Blog............

Feb 8 @ 5:19PM  
No, but we do have the one that Bandegor was talkin about on his blog....

Asked for movies, no shit:

"Wild Dogs" ( Wild Hogs )

"Reservations Dogs" ( Reservoir Dogs )

"Schittler's List" (Schindler's List )

"Banana Montana" ( Hannah Montana )

"Weekend at Barnies" ( Weekend at Bernies )

"9 1/2 months" ( 9 1/2 weeks ) *Was all I could not not to tell then that was the sequel where she gets support....*

Feb 8 @ 5:23PM  
yep sounds about like my week!! I don't know about you but I'm ready for the week to be OVER!!!!! Good blog's a shiny green kudo for your trouble!!!

Feb 8 @ 5:41PM  
Awwww sweety.. need a huggle? Better yet.. come get that kudo out of my panties. It's warm.

Feb 8 @ 5:45PM  
uhhhh ya gotta restroom in here..........

Feb 8 @ 6:08PM  
Here's a glimpse of my day (I've already worked 47.5+ hours this week and am scheduled for another 5 tomorrow)...

blah, blah, blah...may I help you?
I need to talk to **** (the guy in charge).
He is with a client. May I take a message?
Well, I really need to talk to him.
I can take a message and he can try and give you a call back when he gets a moment. May I have your name? Number? What did you need to talk with him about?
I need to set up an appointment with him.
Oh, I can help you with that.
But I want the appointment with him.
Like I said, I can help you with that.
***WTF? It's the height of our busy season, he is with a client and you have to talk to him about making an appointment? What do you think he pays me to do?***

I need to make an appointment.
Sure. I can help you. When were you wanting to come in?
Um, let me check my schedule. (Talks with husband, boyfriend, wife, etc....). What do you have open?
I can get you in on February 15, at 10 am. Would that work?
You can't get me in today?
No, the soonest I have available is February 15.
What about tomorrow?
No, like I said, I can't get you in until February 15.
What about next Monday?
***WTF? I said the SOONEST is February 15...NEXT Friday...***

Feb 8 @ 6:30PM  
I'da told em ..w ell seeing as how it's you.. I can get you in the day after valentines day...

Feb 8 @ 6:39PM  
Don’t you just love that polite smile you have to plaster on your face at work and hope your eyes don’t give away what a complete moron you think they are shows.

Feb 8 @ 6:58PM  
''well sir.......your transmission has internal problems ....i know we can fix it but we'll have to take it outta the car n then take it apart to find out what inside is's $295.00 but that will go toward the quote to fix it n put it back.....most imortant is once i take it out and break it down to inspect for damage it's like an egg there is NO PUTTING IT BACK TOGETHER broken.......there would have to be some type of work done to fix it....... does that make sense????? ok..good now the last 4 of your social security number for phone authorization and we'll have it out and quotes to repair it by tomroow....*takes 4 digits n writes time n date n 4 digits for proof cust understands and authorizes the work*

next day calls customer....

"mr schmo we know whats wrong with your transmission.........your inerplanetary gear is shatterd and there's pieces of metal running thru the system n your inner pump went out....i have a couple of options for you to fix it.....
A) best parts money can buy with a 3yr n 36,000 mile warrenty would be 3890.00 and some tax.......or B) since there's lots of good parts on yours reusable we can simply replace *list of parts read to customer* and using your case ect..rebuild yours for 2389.00 and you'll have a 12mos and 12,000 mile warrenty ...i just need you to pick wich warrenty plan works best and your date of birth to authorize your transmission rebuilt and you'll be driving by tomorow .............waits for cust.....
WOT THE FUCK!!!! thats almost 4 fuckin thousand dollars!!!!?!?!?

well sir you drive a mercedes and YES it is.....and think how much i'm saving you since the dealer would charge about 6600.00 ......

I'm not spending that kinda money....

well sir then i suggest the 12mos of birth please?

cant you just build it for it for less? me and my buddie looked up those parts online and they're not that much money...

well still need all new gaskets *lists other broken parts that were removed to get inside for the quote*...remember we broke it open to find out whats wrong...

well...thats too much....i'll just drive it as it is till the wheels fall off..just put it back together and i'll pick it up later today.

*thinks.......oh fuck here we go again*
well sir...remember i told you its like cracking an egg......there is NO PUTTING it back together broken remember/??

WHAT THE FOK!! it drove it when i got there and i want it to drive now so i can leave.....

yes sir ...but you DO remember that it's not going back together again broken...maybe i can shop aftermarket n save you a few bucks if you like/?
NO ..just put it back as it was i'll drive it that way.....

well sir ..*grits teeth* as i said THERE IS NO PUTTING IT BACK TOGETHER BROKEN.... *smiles to self knowing it's gona be a long converstaion n i might as well relax n wait for the storm to wear down*................

*thinks.........''and it's only 9:20am.....FUCK ....8 more hours...." *


Feb 9 @ 1:39AM  
I agree, customers can suck at times!

Feb 9 @ 7:34AM  
Hello welcome to - - - My name is Lisa I'll be waiting on your this evening. May I start you off with some wine..Cabernet okay what brand?? yes the ones listed on your menu are what we carry..Kim Crawford umm no sir we don't. Why?? Because we offer the other 6 instead?? Would you like to start with a appatizer no okay are you ready to order?? a burger okay how would you like that prepared?? fried okay good start (thinks to myself dumb fuck) that will come with fries okay... Hey lady you got ketcup??? ummm its a restaurant and if you'd let me finish its right here in my pocket along with the mustard and mayonaise

Feb 9 @ 1:56PM  
here's one form work last night,

Thank you for calling the front desk how may I assist you?
"how do you get from Washington DC to your place?
*ugh has no one heard of Rand Mcnally or mapquest*
Just one Moment I have those directions right here.
Give directions to lady
"well how long are you on each of those roads"
*as long as it takes*
You know I am not quite sure
" well don't you think you should know that"
*yes of course I drive it every freaking day*
M'am if you'll hold one minute I'll check and get that information for you.
*ok who knows this friggin answer*
sure enough I get the answer within 2 minutes and they have hung up. WTF!!

Feb 17 @ 5:11AM  
Missed this one first time through...

You need to relocate to warmer more hospitable area..

Feb 17 @ 10:41PM  
Well CanU it was 80 and sunny here today. Does that count?

Have a great week

Lady Blue

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A day in the Office for a DK....