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No Strings Attached!!

posted 2/3/2008 5:48:03 AM |
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  sundance64

No...I'm NOT bashing anyone's blog or their ideas...I'm just making an observation based on my own experience.

No strings attached sex looks like a great idea...on paper. Kinda like the sub-prime mortgage. You get what you want...with very little effort, right?

Here's what my experience has been with having a "fuck-buddy":

I meet a guy...we hit it off, there's some chemistry and we have sex. After a couple of weeks, he say "I don't want a relationship..." but still wants to have sex. Ok...I think to myself, he'll come around. (C'mon girls...alot of you have thought the same thing at one time or another...right?) So...this goes on for awhile, we hook up a couple times a week, maybe hang out once in awhile, go to a movie or out to dinner...but it's still "no strings attached". We're not seeing other people...but the possibly is there...

After a couple of months of this...I start thinking, this seems like a "relationship". But if I mention this...the guy gets pensive, defensive, and even angry. "No relationship!...No strings!" he says. Well...fine. I'm gonna start seeing other people! I even tell him...I'm gonna start seeing other people. Well...I guess the rules aren't the same for me...cuz suddenly I'm only supposed to be sleeping with HIM! This no strings attached only applies to HIM! He can see other people...he can hang out with his buddies, he can call me at all hours saying he's horny and is on his way...and I better be there waiting for some NSA gratification. Right? NOT!

So...I end it. I tell him, if the same rules don't apply to me, I'm moving on. OMG...all of a sudden, he wants a relationship! All of a sudden, he wants to commit! Or rather...he wants me to commit.

This happened with me quite a few years ago...when I was in my early twenties....the first time. What did it teach me? That alot of men who claim to want a fuck-buddy are easy to manipulate. Not saying all...but the ones I've met have all been pretty much the same way. They can do what they want...but when I started seeing other people, they got pissy.

There was one guy, I hung out with him for about a year but it never moved beyond being friends with benny's. At one point, he was seeing someone else...and so was I but he didn't know it. He saw me with this other guy and started showing up at my door at all hours...it got a little irritating but I liked him and didn't want to hurt his feelings.

The last relationship I was in was an even better example...early on he said he didn't want a relationship, just sex. I wanted a relationship...and told him that if he didn't want to commit, to move on. He didn't. So...we remained exclusive for awhile, til I found out he was meeting other women from a dating site (not this one!). And I started seeing other people...or at least told him I was. Oh hell no...now he wants to get married! So we get engaged, but after a couple of months, he's feeling 'smothered'...and just wants to be friends. But still wants to have sex. Right!

Well, that went on for almost eight years. I know....right? He finally met a girl...but didn't bother to tell me about her, and certainly didn't tell her about me. How I found out is another story...but I ended my involvement with him. That lasted until I started seeing someone else...and suddenly he missed me and is breaking up with the other girl. So...I give in. Two weeks go by and I find out he's still seeing the other girl...I end it again. But he still calls...and shows up at my door...
To make a long story short, I end up on this site. Meet the man of my dreams...we start making plans for me to move. I tell the ex- and he's all "I'm so happy for you!" He gets engaged to the girl...and we're parting on good terms. I ask him to help me move some stuff, and he comes over and proceeds to hit on me! WTF??

So...what's my point?

That no strings attached sex is fine...as long as the rules are the same for both people. Don't want a relationship...then don't expect the other person to be waiting by the door whenever you want company.

I'm goin' back to bed now folks...this has been fun but I gots a little eye that's been winking at me for the last ten minutes...and it's starting to tear up a little...

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Comments:

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beefygoblin

Feb 3 @ 6:08AM  
I believe the trick would be to find someone who doesn't realy want you so much. A person who is just looking for a D.H.

But then they would move on the second they found a person they realy did want -whom would actualy talk to them.

No one realy choses a fuck budy by choice, or chooses to become one. It's a circumstance thing.

You do it becouse you cant get an exclusive with that person, or becouse it's not realy the person you want.

This is old summer camp wizdom talking here. Something you should have learned when you were a teenager. Or maybe its just the jewish summer camps.

I may have learned this from bbyo or nfty, so it could be youth group wizdom... somewhere kids have sex at any rate.
borty293

Feb 3 @ 6:15AM  
If they fail to commit...you must awquit...
Wordsofwit

Feb 3 @ 7:11AM  
I seen it start out as FWB and change into many things; some good, some not so good. I still have a great friend that I see and talk to and we haven't gotten naughty in this century.

Some women enjoy not having the drama or complexity of having anybody else living with them. The kids have moved on and they enjoy the privacy and peace. Still they want to feel like a woman likes to feel once in a while and have a lover that doesn't require batteries or an electrical outlet.

As one lady told me, "You don't need to own the pig to get some sausage."
sumdaysoon

Feb 3 @ 8:28AM  
relationships are complex..........no matter how easy we try to make them.........
gwenafar

Feb 3 @ 8:40AM  
I have never been in one of those sex-only relationships. We always ended up in some long term thing. BUT, having said that, I did meet a guy recently who said every relationship he has ever been in was for sex only. He never got attached, never cared for the women. I think it takes a certain kind of person to have relationships devoid of love, caring or respect. I know I usually choose men that I feel a connection with, not just lust for. Hey, but that's just me. Nice story, sundance, deserving of a green .
straightup_9

Feb 3 @ 10:00AM  
Ok...I think to myself, he'll come around.
He can see other people...he can hang out with his buddies, he can call me at all hours saying he's horny and is on his way...and I better be there waiting

Having a NSA relationship is not that difficult....However, when things like the above quotes come into play...Then NSA becomes impossible....

NSA means simply this.....We like fucking each other, and will fuck, providing it is convenient for us both.....I will not EXPECT sex from you...and you will not EXPECT sex from me....We will not "date"...We will not "see" one another....And there definitely won't be any 2 AM phone calls...Face it people...normally at 2 AM you are either sleeping or fucking, and either way, you don't want to be disturbed.....
Remember, blogging on AMD counts as one of the above....so, don't go there...



orzie

Feb 3 @ 10:02AM  
sometimes a womans pussy is slimy big and sloppy wet ,get an operation and get things tightened up that way your guy will stop by an extra day of the week .give him some oral and you get another half day. it sucks to be alone but better a little ass once in a while than a life of horrible drama with the king of crack .my dog cummbucket and I have to go thanks for reminding me.green thingy for you
Ewe_Wish

Feb 3 @ 10:08AM  
Sunny--this was really a good blog. But i guess i have to agree with sums

relationships are complex..........no matter how easy we try to make them.........
No matter how honest in what you want in a relationship you are....if the other person isnt as honest..than its going to go bad somewhere down the road. You see too many times people trying to change the others mind in what they first agreed on and although i do believe that something that starts out as a fuck buddy status can turn into the real deal, I doubt it happens all that often, and I wouldnt think one should count on it happening.

Great Blog. My first Kudo of the day to you......
NachoBaby

Feb 3 @ 10:12AM  
Man there are a lot of Dawgs in this place.. looks like the management would put up a sign.

Sunshine79

Feb 3 @ 10:37AM  
You said it girl!!! I couldn't have said tht any better......Really!!
Especially this part:
After a couple of months of this...I start thinking, this seems like a "relationship". But if I mention this...the guy gets pensive, defensive, and even angry. "No relationship!...No strings!" he says.

That's happened too many times....Once I mentioned a relationship and ended up losing him all together.....
redbronze

Feb 3 @ 10:57AM  
why I won't do an NSA.. Someone said on one of the blogs that an NSA is a relationship.. Thinking about this and reading here it does indeed seem like a NSA is a relationship of a sort.. To bad it seems like a relationship of unequality in your case.. I had a friend who did NSA relationships seemed the guy would get attached and she would dump him.. So I think it goes both ways..

I dun know it seems too complicated for me. I am a want it all or nothing kind of person..
canuhelpme258

Feb 3 @ 12:16PM  
First of all I think terms have gotten muddy as the rest of the laguage has when you have an abundance of idiots repeating phrases that sound good...

Fuck Buddy: A person who's number you dial once inn a great while when you hit a dry spell... if they are free you two hook up. You have little else in common, just sex... neither want more, so its only occasional.

Friend with benefits, a person you hang out with on occasion, do stuff friends would normally do together like shoot pool, play tennis, whatever. Every once in a while you bump tingly parts. You'd still hang out even if you never got to fuck again.

Open relationship: THIS is what most people either want, or end up with by default. They see each other, they go on DATES real DATES, not just going to kareokee night together. They sleep over, they see each other two or three times a week... but one or the other wants the easy "out" or lack of a firm commitment....

Just my humble opinion...





ALSO
sometimes a womans pussy is slimy big and sloppy wet ,get an operation and get things tightened up that way your guy will stop by an extra day of the week .give him some oral and you get another half day. it sucks to be alone but better a little ass once in a while than a life of horrible drama with the king of crack

Someone ought to put on some big boy pants.... with an attitude like that.... well he'll only find thoe who need the operation...

Just saying...
casuallylooking

Feb 3 @ 12:50PM  
doubt it happens all that often, and I wouldnt think one should count on it happening.
Sounds like a definite way to get emotionally hurt to me....

But as you said, Sunny, there are those that will most likely be thinking they can change his mind....or he'll come around....only to find out he doesn't/won't/didn't.. .then they get pissed cause he used them. When in reality, he was the one straight forward from the start.
Or in your case, it's one sided and unfair. When someone thinks it's what they want but can't completely accept it from the other party.
It happens to both men and women....

There's always those fine lines when it comes to any type relationship..especially NSA.

Good blog...little green guy worthy....



casuallylooking

Feb 3 @ 12:53PM  
it sucks to be alone
I'm thinking that some people know that feeling better than others..for various reasons....
ladybootscooter

Feb 3 @ 3:00PM  
Fuck Buddy: A person who's number you dial once inn a great while
So glad you made that point Billy, because I think there is a major difference if you have a "fuck buddy" than a NSA or Open relationship. I've had a couple of these through the years that were awesome. We did hang out now and then, movies or dinner but it was an unwritten understanding between us that if neither of us were seeing someone and the urge hit, we were there for each other. The first, well he's somewhere back home in Big D, the last alas now happily married but we still talk as friends now and then. I believe that when you enter into these types of friendships with no expectations of a long term relationship I think it works. I loved them as friends and they loved me as friends but not that level of love where you wanna spend the rest of your life with them!
aspiringwriter

Feb 4 @ 3:33AM  
Firstly, I just want to agree with this:
NSA means simply this.....We like fucking each other, and will fuck, providing it is convenient for us both.....I will not EXPECT sex from you...and you will not EXPECT sex from me....We will not "date"...We will not "see" one another....And there definitely won't be any 2 AM phone calls...

Secondly, I want to add a bit to this:
Someone said on one of the blogs that an NSA is a relationship.
It is definately under the heading of relationship. I define relationship a bit loosely here (and include friendship, amongst other things, as a relationship). But it is definately a relationship and like all relationships it requires honesty, communication and a mutual respect for each other.

Finally, related to this:
First of all I think terms have gotten muddy as the rest of the laguage has...
I think has is the wrong tense. Language is a muddy thing. I think most (I'd say 8/10) disagreements come down to people using words to mean different things. What you (Canu) call FWB, I call Fuck Buddy (both of which falls in the general category of NSA relationship), what you call Fuck Buddy, I call Booty Call. Same meanings different words. Open relationships happen for different reasons and are excurtiatingly difficult (in my experience) to negotiate, I wouldn't put them under the heading of NSA though.
Anyway, my point here is just that people get themselves in trouble when they think they're communicating one thing but the other person is hearing another thing. And to me, it don't count as having done the communication part to just saying "I want a ______ relationship." It requires making sure both people have the same meanings in mind when they're talking about things.

Just my .02
Looking4ever

Feb 4 @ 7:05AM  
Sorry. I am human. I want strings. I deserve strings and I won't settle for anything less than some strings.

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