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Election Predictions

posted 1/30/2008 8:19:42 AM |
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  aspiringwriter

At the time of this writing, I haven't seen the results of Fl or the rest of the political new that should have come yesterday.

Here are what should be a few postdiction by the time you're reading this:
Sen McCain edged out Mitt and won Fl (Guiliani took 3rd). Thus the Republican free-for-all continues unabated.

Fmr Pres Bill Clinton failed to show up for a planned endorsemt his wife. The reason for this will be revealed to be that he was mauled by the
Jersey Devil, in an encounter that will be described as "oddly erotic".

Pres Bush's economic stimulus plan will be passed by the House and held up in the Sen (where, angry that they weren't part of the deal, the Sen will bog the process down with riders and pork)

For the 2nd time, Sen. Clinton has trounced "Uncommitted" and added 0 more delegates to her count.

On to some predictions:
Both parties are going into Super-Duper, Monster, Tsunami (Wacky Happy Fun Time Go!) Tuesday with a relatively open field.

For the Democrats, this is somewhat what I expected to be the case (before the rubber hit the road so to speak), and endorsements become a big issue. (the reason for this being that they allow the candidate the benefit of campaigning in a given state without actually being there)
My assumption before the primaries was that Sens Obama and Clinton will devour each other like Autumnal Cannibals in heat.

Sen Obama has taken Sen Kennedy (as well as Sen Kerry, which is more of a curse than a blessing) from the Clintons' fold. In response, I expect the Clinton camp to snatch some logical Obama supporters. Sen. Edwards (who to my mind is basically irrelevent at this point) has picked up the endorsement of 'Cooter' from the Dukes of Hazard (now, and I'm not making this up, a member of the House of Reps.). I wouldn't be surprised if when all is said and done Sen Edwards has just enough delegates to offer one of the canidates a deal and become the Dem veep nominee for the second election. (a side note, Chuck Norris (primarily of viral internet joke fame has endorsed fmr Gov Huckabee)

On the Republican side, virtually all is lost for fmr Gov Huckabee and Mr Guliani. However, if fmr Gov Huckabee makes a strong showing in the South and Guliani does well in some key "Big States", the two are likely to gum up the works of the GOP. Sen McCain and Mitt may have to offer a deal to some arcane power (McCain to the powers that be within the GOP, Mitt to his Reptillian overlords) to prevent the party from collapsing in on itself as the Regan alliance proves a non-factor at the GOP's convention.

After a poor showing in Fl, Sen Paul will drop out of the Rep race only to re-emerge as an independent.

The month of Oct will contain approx 152 debates between whomever securs the nominations (and atleast 2 indendant canidates). Desperate for ratings, these debates will be advertised like monster truck rallies, and the latter half of them will have stipulations added to them similar to a wrestling PPV (cage debates, steel chairs tossed out to the canidates, etc).

In the meantime, the Dems quietly and minorly increase their control in both Houses of Congress.

Whomever wins, the following will happen during their presidency:

The nation slips into a recession with a depression lurking around the corner, Greenspan is put back in charge of the Fed. He magically fixes everything, and becomes the patron saint of Wall St. and a boddistava of the economy, is otherwise deified and is promptly assumed into the heavens.

Al Gore is revealed to be a robot, hence the high levels of electricity consummed at his residency.

Bono and Angelina Jolie become cowinners of the Nobel Peace Prize, ambivilance spreads rapidly across the globe.

The Beijing olympics go off without a hitch, or for that matter veiwers.

The house of Saud falls. Global war breaks out with the sides organized primarily around China and the EU (with India becoming destabilized, Russia resembling the USSR, and America in a state that can only be described as Mad Maxian). The Balkans hold a huge celebration to commerate a world war that isn't in any way thier fault.

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

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Comments:

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gwenafar

Jan 30 @ 8:47AM  
Glad you mentioned, although vaguely, how Al Gore is a hypocrite. I have very strong conservative political views, so I will leave it at that. Its a sad bunch of candidates this time around. Most HIGHLY unqualified for the job. Romney could help the economy, McCain will let all the illegal immigrants in to take American jobs, Clinton is underqualified to say the least, and Bill seems to be doing most of the campaigning for Hillary, as if they will be a presidential duo....you elect one you get the other. Now who wants that? Obama also has limited political experience which is scary to me. My prediction is for Mitt Romney to become the next President of the U.S. I say that even after he governed the state I live in. He spent most of his term out of State, which is disgraceful, but there are no other solid choices...so I am going to have to go with it. But, at this point, I guess its anyones' game. I will enjoy the next few months of fuck ups by all though.
NachoBaby

Jan 30 @ 10:07AM  
There truly are no good choices there, but I gotta say.. if Huckabee gets elected by some strange shift of reality... I'm movin to Canada. Talk about your stone age freakshow.
straightup_9

Jan 30 @ 10:41AM  
OK...Everyone remember...you heard it here FIRST......YOUR NEXT PRESIDENT WILL BE A WOMAN WITH A BLACK VP, OR A BLACK MAN WITH A WOMAN VP.

You can talk issues all day long...but the only way the Republicans can get someone back in the White House, would be to put a Black Woman up as candidate with possibly a Latino running mate....

Wordsofwit

Jan 30 @ 11:06AM  
Winston Churchill said, essentially, "The worst argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter."
StraddleMyNose

Jan 30 @ 7:12PM  
I'm still pulling for Romney!

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Election Predictions