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posted 1/27/2008 1:15:51 PM |
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I've learned a few things over the years, and try to put those things I've learned, whether positive or negative, to good use in my life.

One of the things I've learned is that I can't change anyone or anything except myself.

Now...alot of people go into a relationship knowing the type of person they're dealing with isn't exactly what they want for a partner. It may be something small, like they leave dishes in the sink..or something big, like they're physically or verbally abusive. I've seen it happen that a person will know someone even before getting involved with them, but will believe that person will 'change'. I've even been in that type of relationship...more than once. It doesn't work...ever.

What does work...for me at being able to accept a person exactly as they are...and then deciding if I want that person in my life...whether as a partner, a friend or just as an acquaintance. I don't attempt to 'fix' other people...and I don't bother with jumping up and down screaming about someone else's faults.

I look at myself, I know what my major flaws are, and I make a serious and ongoing attempt to fix them myself. I ask for help or advice when I need to. But when it comes to others, I don't expect them to change to fit my idea of what a friend/partner/acquaintance should be.

So what happens when there is someone in my life who doesn't fit my idea? I try to give people the benefit of the doubt...until they prove they are not someone who I want in my life. When that happens...they're usually ignored. I'm not going to waste my time and energy with someone who I'm not going to get along with.

By the same token, I have friends who I don't always agree with. They may say or do things I don't agree with...but that doesn't make them any less a friend. As long as I'm able to accept them as they are, and not try to change them into someone I think they should be...

**I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes**

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Jan 27 @ 1:27PM  
**I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes**

Yes, indeedy! I think many of us on here could stand to take a big dose of that!

Jan 27 @ 1:28PM  
People are what they are no one can change another person. Period.
The only person that can change is someone who wants to change them self.

Like the old joke how many Psychologists does it that to change a light bulb?
Only one but the light bulb has to want to change.

Friends and lovers are individuals like anyone else and it’s an off the rack world. Accept and love them for who they are now or not your choice. Long time friends the core of the person usually stays the same but many things may change between you both over time and you may not be as close or sometimes even closer for the bonds of the decades have made you so.


Jan 27 @ 1:46PM  
Those are wise words and once you accept your feelings, it makes it all much easier. I have some very close long term friends and some of them have a view of things as being black or white, while my nature is usually to see things shades of grey. I am neutral towards many people. They may be nice people but it doesn't matter to me one way or another if ever see them again. I am quite comfortable with that as well as people feeling that way about me. I'm okay, you're okay, and neither of us care.

Jan 27 @ 1:48PM  
Exactly, we are all different with different issues....take us as we are now.

Jan 27 @ 2:02PM  
how true

Jan 27 @ 2:25PM  
A real relationship is never based on the similarities and attractions. That "love means never having to say your sorry" stuff is garbage.

True relationships happen because people are willing to discuss things, especially things they disagree about, and work out a situation that is acceptable to everyone. Misunderstandings and hurt feelings are a part of life. Transcending and repairing them is what makes us rise up.

Jan 27 @ 2:56PM  
Excellent Sunny. I think if more people took this attitude in life there would be so much more understanding.

Jan 27 @ 3:50PM  
A real relationship is never based on the similarities and attractions. That "love means never having to say your sorry" stuff is garbage. is! I say 'I'm sorry' at least once a day! Mostly because of my tendency to say things without thinking first...or because I'm just in a bad mood and taking it out on someone who isn't necessarily the cause of it. I acknowledge that my behavior isn't acceptable to me...and I make amends for that behavior.

These last two blogs are about things I've learned over the last few years. They can apply to anyone...not just to people who drink or use drugs or whatever. Like my squirrelly friend says, it's about being comfortable in your own skin...being able to honestly look at yourself and say "I can change this about myself..." and look at the world around you and say "I can't change that person, place or thing, but I can change how I react towards it" and not expecting others to be responsible for your behavior.

Jan 27 @ 3:52PM  
Life is short. I have tried to learn from my mistakes. And be accepting of others.

Jan 27 @ 4:37PM  
My thought here is, you can try with people just so long, then it's time to say forget it.. and just move along. That's where I am at the moment.. moving along.

Jan 27 @ 7:12PM  
I can't remember all the profound things i wanted to say while I was distracting your writing

Great read like always...


Wanna Fuck?

Jan 27 @ 7:29PM  

Jan 29 @ 12:57PM  
I suspect that you might disagree with what I am about to say, but in my opinion you are a very courageous person. It takes that to face up to who we really are, and to do the hard work to change ourselves. This blog is a blessing to read.

Jan 29 @ 2:13PM  
I accept you as is!

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