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Inventory...

posted 1/24/2008 8:57:58 PM |
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  sundance64

As most of you who know me probably know...I don't drink. I don't discuss this too much, mostly because it's a personal choice and alot of people are either uncomfortable with that choice or even offended by it. Either way...

One reason I bring it up today is because I'm coming up on my 10 year anniversary of being sober.
Now...for the first few years of my soberiety, my sobriety day was a big deal...almost as big as my 'belly-button' birthday. Me and my friends would all go out to dinner...go to an AA meeting, I'd get a token...and I'd usually give an 'open' talk at a hospital or rehab center on or around this date.

These days it's not so much a big deal. Not because being and staying sober isn't a big deal...more because I live a sober (as in alcohol free...not like 'sober'...ya know?)lifestyle. There are a few things I still try and do at this time however...and one of them is to take a personal inventory.

This is not about material things...it's about me. About my strengths and my shortcomings.

Pretty much anyone who has gone thru any type of 12 step program (and there's a program for just about anything...really!) has done or at least heard of this step.
The first time an inventory is called for, it can be pretty scarey...because it calls for complete and total honesty. It calls for one to look at ones self, and to take responsibility for ones own actions without blaming others for those actions. In other words...it asks you to own your actions...and your reactions to others. "Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty"
My inventory usually consists of things I've been resentful of. People who have pissed me off or hurt my feelings somehow...or have caused me physical, emotional or even financial stress. I write the names down...what they 'did' and what my part in it was. Again...this requires complete honesty on my part...looking at all aspects of a given situation.

Today...I'm still not perfect. I still carry resentments, and I still have many shortcomings. But I've learned how to let go of my resentments...by looking at myself and asking "what was my part in this". I can then make amends for whatever my actions were, and move on with a clear conscience. I'm able to do this as long as I focus on my own actions, and I'm honest about it. As far as making amends...it's not about saying 'I'm sorry'. Truly making amends means taking responsibility...saying "I did this and I regret it..." Not "I did this, but I did it because..." of someone else's actions or words...and then expecting them to apologize.

Now some people might ask...what does this have to do with not drinking?

For me...resentments were a major part of my drinking. I'd get pissed, or depressed or afraid...and get drunk. I'd have an argument with my dad or my boyfriend or a coworker...and just stew over it. Or I'd get behind on a car payment or a light bill, and get so afraid I couldn't sleep...
These are just a few reasons I drank...and didn't do much else, including work these things out. It was easier to get drunk and forget about them than do something about them. But they didn't go away...they just got worse.
Doing an inventory the first time was hard...making the amends was harder. But...it worked. Again...I'm not perfect by any means. I still get pissy...I still fly off the handle and react without thinking first. But I do look to myself when I'm feeling pissy or sad or like my world has been thrown into chaos and everyone hates me...and ask...what have I done to cause this and what can I do to make it better.

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Comments:

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sundance64

Jan 24 @ 9:01PM  
Igoniteynitenowyallbegoodokiesbyebye
zena343

Jan 24 @ 9:08PM  
CONGRATULATIONS on your 10 years of SOBRIETY!! That is awesome
NachoBaby

Jan 24 @ 9:12PM  
Ten years.. Lady you rock! Congratulations.

And your story.. that's gettin a green thingy cuz .. hey people.. Sunny GETS it!
sumdaysoon

Jan 24 @ 9:14PM  
Ewe_Wish

Jan 24 @ 9:27PM  
Congrats!! Sunny...............
DarkDesires99

Jan 24 @ 9:34PM  
Congratulations and may you have many more good years!
alybai42

Jan 24 @ 9:37PM  
WTG
Java345

Jan 24 @ 9:39PM  
I usually celebrate with tequila,

but in this case...

Oh well, congrats anyway!!

Good thing you stopped doing this because your life

was doing this and you coulda ended up

like this
casuallylooking

Jan 24 @ 9:40PM  
Doing an inventory the first time was hard...making the amends was harder. But...it worked

Good points.....about making amends being harder and it being worth the work.

Ten years...Congratulations, Sunny!!!!
hornytoad55

Jan 24 @ 9:40PM  
CONGRATULATIONS that is great and so was your blog. You have learned some great life long truths. Now you have shared in such a brilliant story. A BIG SHINY KUDO FOR YOU
borty293

Jan 24 @ 9:48PM  
Thankyou for the inspirational words...I too, used to blame others for my problems...I mean how dare they right? Now I find it beneficial to look at my part in all situations, which can be terribly uncomfortable at times, but my spiritual growth depends on self examination, and the benefits far outweigh any uncomfortable feelings I may have. I also need to take inventories on a regular basis...sometimes several times a day, but I need to take a large one at least once a year to see patterns in my behavior. Hey ...I heard Canu is going to buy you a boat or is that just another AMD rumor....
str8ngr84u2

Jan 24 @ 9:50PM  
Very Impressive, I have a friend who quit drinking Monday. Any suggestions I could pass along to help him?
sundance64

Jan 24 @ 10:20PM  
Ok...so I didn't go to bed yet...had to watch 'Grey's Anatomy'.

I didn't write this to go on about being sober...but thank you all for the congratulations, I appreciate it.

My point was that a personal inventory can do wonders...for anyone.
Sunshine79

Jan 24 @ 10:25PM  
A.A. rocks!! Congrats on your 10 years!! Keep up the great work girlie!!
Sunshine79

Jan 24 @ 10:26PM  
Oh....and most importantly...ODAT!!! One Day At A Time!!
Always be thankful for today and what you have....
lifeizabitch

Jan 24 @ 10:54PM  
All I can say is you ROCK. That canu guy is a very fortunate man!!!
31sunshine

Jan 25 @ 12:26AM  
You are totally right, personal inventories are important. I do it about once every 6 to 12 months just to make sure I'm on track with where I want to be.

Congrats on the 10 years. Thats soo awesome.

Here's a green thingy because...well you deserve it.
StraddleMyNose

Jan 25 @ 3:27AM  
I have never been a drinker. That and smoking has never been my thing.

Congrats on staying away from that stuff!
scotsavant

Jan 25 @ 4:10AM  
21 years Oct 4th! Congrats and kudos!
onehornytoad69

Jan 25 @ 6:24AM  
Good Point!!!! Thx for sharing!!!!
Tosses you a kudo.....(U May wanna add it to canu's midget fund! )
ynot7769

Jan 25 @ 6:27AM  
My point was that a personal inventory can do wonders...for anyone.


wouldn't it be great if EVERYONE thought this way??

CONGRATS !!!!!
mcroxton

Jan 25 @ 8:52AM  
I think sobriety is a solid choice.
sundance64

Jan 25 @ 9:22AM  
wouldn't it be great if EVERYONE thought this way??

Yep...

But I guess it's just easier to point fingers and blame others for ones own actions....
Kinda like this blog...
Easier to look at it and focus on one thing...instead of the actual point.
Lisa46

Jan 25 @ 9:56AM  
I'm not perfect by any means. I still get pissy...I still fly off the handle and react without thinking first.


I think this has something to do with the red hair

yes an inventory is amazing and I threw out the trash already!
canuhelpme258

Jan 25 @ 3:34PM  
Lemme take inventory...

got guitars
got basses
got drums
got house full of crazee teenage peoples
got one crazee ass red head...

Yeppers life is good here!
bentan

Jan 25 @ 9:56PM  
Well hey Sunny, I hate to compare and all that but of all the people I've come across in AMD for over a year or so, you are among the few people who have stuck in my mind as being equally a straight talker and also one who can take straight talk and criticism. Lots of people can dish it to others but can't take the slightest bit of negative feedback or correction e.g. the fucker who is now giving a daily sermon about herds. I believe that only people who have had their shit sorted out like you describe in your blog are capable of such stark honesty and self-awareness. And that's as close to high praise from me as you're gonna get my friend.
tlc0766

Jan 25 @ 11:07PM  
great job girl!! yeah I knocked back a few with you in the day, and I think it's great that you are still going strong after 10 years!!!
canuhelpme258

Jan 26 @ 7:32AM  
e.g. the fucker who is now giving a daily sermon about herds.
He's a bahbahbad boy he likes sheep


on broke back mountain baaahaaahaa means wanna fuck?
bandengor

Jan 28 @ 7:33PM  
I don't drink either. I watched my brother literally drink himself to death and destroy his family in the process. I swore I would never do that.
I commend you in your choice!
Looking4ever

Jan 28 @ 7:46PM  
Today...I'm still not perfect. I still carry resentments, and I still have many shortcomings. But I've learned how to let go of my resentments...by looking at myself and asking "what was my part in this". I can then make amends for whatever my actions were, and move on with a clear conscience. I'm able to do this as long as I focus on my own actions, and I'm honest about it. As far as making amends...it's not about saying 'I'm sorry'. Truly making amends means taking responsibility...saying "I did this and I regret it..." Not "I did this, but I did it because..." of someone else's actions or words...and then expecting them to apologize.

Personally, I thinking kicking the booze was the easy part. Taking responsibility? That's the freakin' hard task! Kudos for you for sharing the hard won fight with us...

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