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Balls and Blasphemy

posted 1/16/2008 3:18:36 AM |
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tagged: fiction, balls, canu

A friend of mine once told me he had come up with names for his balls...
The right one was George and the left one was "OOWWWWWWWWW!"
Mind you, this was right after his (now ex-)girl-friend accidentally smacked him in his balls.
<- if you assume that the smile is really gritting his teeth in pain, this emoticon best describes that feeling. or maybe this one does ->
oh wait, gotta be this one ->

Speaking of emoticons, I saw a forum somewhere in the deep, dark archives where this Dominus chap went through and defined a bunch of them. Anybody have a clue where that one is (directed at the old timers). Only one I remember is
= "Help, I just pulled a sign out of my mouth."

All I know is that damned dancing banana is so hypnotic....
seriously, it's like the hypnotoad. (they're all lining up to watch the hypnotic mating dance of the sex-starved naner)

This guy reminds me of one of them punching bags, you know one of those clowns, where no mater how hard you hit it, it wobbles but it won't fall down.

I'm sorry, I'm just babbling here cause I'm hoping people will jack this thread and amuse me. I need's me a pick-me-up. Any way. I leave you with a breif bit of emoticon theater:
Act 1
"Hail Satan! My dark lord!"
"Fuck off, you damn emo kid. You're not cool enough for me to bother."
"Yes, my dark lord! Your will be done. I will become cooler, than you will love me."
"That's not what I said, at all!"
"Hail Satan!" Johnny leaves to go try to be cooler
"Damn, humans never listen to me! I gave them rock and look at what they turned it into."
-End Act 1-
So Johnny sets off to make himself cooler. He starts by learning to shred. !
"Jesus Christ! What is it this time.
"Master I learned to shred! Now do you love me?"
"Look, kid, no matter what I say the truth is you gotta learn to love yourself. That's really all that matters. I'm sure if you do that, you'll find somebody else who will love you. But for the record, no. I've got Jimi Hendrix down hear to seranade me so basically nothing you can do with that guitar is going to impress me."
"Not even this?"
"Do you ever listen? Fuck this, I'm gonna go back to hell and taunt some bishops with some pre-pubescent boy demons."

-End Act 2-
Eventually Johnny gets a different hair cut. and a better sense of style . With a more employable look, he even gets a real job . While we're at it, why not have him meet a pretty lady , who, for some reason, turns him magenta . But she thinks a magenta guy isn't the kind of guy for her so she rejects him. Johnny starts using all sorts of drugs. The worst of which apparently turns him green. Eventually, he meets his inevitable demise And finds himself trapped in eternal damnnation
-End Act 3-
"Dark lord. I've finally come home."
"You again? What are you doing here?"
"I have died, only to join your legion of the damned."
"Noooooooooo Way, kid! We got standards around here."
And so Satan, sends Johnny up to heaven
-End Act 4-
"God, is that You?"
Mutters to self "Stupid fucking, Windows! Why couldn't the big man get Linux? Or at least a Mac?"
To Johnny "Huh? No, can't you read the sign? I'm St. Peter."
"Uh... well, I'm Johnny. Uh... Satan sent me up here."
"Oh yeah, the stupid emo kid who kept summoning him but never listened."
"....yeah...I guess... that was a long time ago and..."
"Sorry kid, emo sucks! You're doomed to walk the earth for all eternity, wishing you were atleast a goth."
-Roll Credits-
All credit goes to.... me.
Credit for me goes to.... this crazy world
This film was brought to you by the numbers e and i and the letter X.

Moral of the story <-- emo sucks! dancing banana's rock -->

Shows over, get to commenting!

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post a comment!


Jan 16 @ 3:30AM  
Holy crap you went waaaay the fuck through the archives???? It didn't scare you off....


Just for doing that lol....

Jan 16 @ 3:30AM  
p.s. everybody read MY blog lol.....

Jan 16 @ 4:07AM  
I believe such creativity is borne out of boredom....are you bored a lot?

Jan 16 @ 4:13AM  
what can I say about this here... I don't know what happened. It was gonna be just Johnny and Satan for like 2 lines...
and then it turned into this travesty of a 5 act play.
but the best part is, it cracked me up writing it and put me in a much better mood!

Jan 16 @ 4:14AM  
I forgot its cute too.Green-square-faced guy for you.

Jan 16 @ 5:12AM  


Jan 16 @ 5:13AM  
Too long for me to read....I have limited time here... (self inflicted)
But Ill toss you a Kudo for Your time !

Jan 16 @ 6:31AM  
I can't believe you went that far back either

if your under 5ft watch out for canu

Jan 16 @ 7:07AM  
damn, just realize by the time most people are up and reading this it's going to buried. on the plus side, so far it's got more view than "I fucked my roomate last night". No offense to whoever wrote that. Need to get more veiws in a hurry...
hmm.. I put balls in the title what else can I do. Only way I could do better would be if I could get a midget on the this thread.

Jan 16 @ 9:39AM  



Jan 16 @ 11:33AM  
with insite
so with and a sincere
you get a kudo

Jan 16 @ 3:56PM  
Debt paid last of the kudzoo, I gotta stop giving it to wanna fuck blogs too!

Jan 16 @ 9:20PM  
I could do better would be if I could get a midget on the this thread.
I missed that one earlier lol

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Balls and Blasphemy