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UPS Pilot notes....are still funny!

posted 1/11/2008 11:21:27 PM |
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tagged: funny
  onehornytoad69

Too Funny Not To Share!!!!!


UPS Pilot Notes

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to fix one.
Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.


After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be
said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.


By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an
accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

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UPS Pilot notes....are still funny!
These should make you Ladies Smile! lol


Comments:

post a comment!

52LoveAffair

Jan 11 @ 11:33PM  
buellriders69

Jan 11 @ 11:38PM  
have gottin this one in emails... love it... thanks...
hornytoad55

Jan 12 @ 12:44AM  
Good one toad.
NightOfOld

Jan 12 @ 2:27AM  

Very nice my friend
TattooedRawkStar

Jan 12 @ 4:21AM  
I've received/read/spread/heard these dozens of times...

Gets better each time. A green thingy, even.
GryGoast

Jan 12 @ 12:48PM  
Kudo

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UPS Pilot notes....are still funny!