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Double Standards

posted 1/10/2008 4:31:37 AM |
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I was reading somebody elses blog and wanted to respond. For some reason, clicking post a comment on people's blogs sends me to a 'cannot find server' site. I posted a comment on the help section, hopefully the powers that be will answer soon and/or fix whatever's wrong or tell me what stupid mistake I'm making (from reading other posts, it seems that they are very attentive and helpful). In the mean time I guess I'll just make one of these blog-thingies myself.

Anywho, the question was

Why is it more socially acceptable for men to spread it around?

Probably the kindest answer would be to excuse it as an evolutionary function. I've heard more than biologist suggest that men are gentically predisposed to go around and try to spread their seed with anything that could possibly be fertile ground, where as women bear the responsiblity of being the sexual selector. For my part, this arguement doesn't have legs. I have trouble with most evolutionary arguements about human sexuality, because they can't (or don't bother to try to) explain homosexuality. This one also just doesn't seem to be true as their are plenty of men who do practise descretion in choosing who they shag, and plenty of women who don't.

Next people tend to point fingers at the church, specifically the Catholic church. In the states, Catholics are now, in the majority (of Christian denominations), but this wasn't always the case (and Protestants, taken as a whole, out rank them 2 to 1, in the UK and I would assume the Commonwealths as well its pretty much the same deal (though the Protestant: Catholic ratio is approx. 5 to 2). I wouldn't blame the Catholics necessarily though since in the States their direct influence is relatively minor compared to say the Puritans influence.
The problem with this arguement is that most Christian denominations frown on sex before marriage regardless of gender. The only bible quote I can remember off the top of my head is about spilling your seed (slightly interesting tangent: the story is about a guy banging his brother's wife (I want to say he killed his brother, too), which is implicitly okay, but its the pulling out early that's wrong ) which would be more aimed at men than women. On the other hand, one of Mary's more talked about traits is her virginity (wasn't always that way but that's what history turned it into) and she is to be emulated (according to their religeon). Of course, St. Francis of Asissi (sp? and I'm only mostly sure it was him) said that if a man was truely devout, he'd castrate himself with a sharpened rock (Ouch!). Regardless of the saints, the church (by which I mostly mean Christendom as whole) has been notoriously sexist throughout its history. Ironically, some suggest that one of it's original attractions was that it offered women equality and power that they couldn't get in Roman society. This paragraph will probably piss a bunch of people off but, oh well.

Some suggest it has to do with men preferring submissive women/the innocent daddy's little girl type. I hate that arguement. It goes against alot of what I've seen in the real world. Certainly some do, but I don't think its a majority or even close.

Alright, I got tired of summarizing popular arguements, so I'm moving on to how I think. Firstly, a good friend of mine had a definition of slut that I like. He said a slut was somebody (male/female) who had sex with people for a reason other than physical/emotional gratification. A slut, he would say, is somebody who has sex for status, or for money, etc. I have some problems with that but, like I said, I like it.

Why is it okay for men to be slutty? I think it isn't for many people. I certainly know a bunch of men whose lack of sexual discernment lost my respect for them. I also really wonder when a male friend says something like "dude, check out who I'm banged." Do you want a fuckin' cookie? Do you expect me to say "wow, she's hot! Now I want to bang her."? (wow, my grammer really fell apart there, I'll try better) What's the point? What do I get out of knowing you have a hot gf, or sex buddy, or whatever? It's probably just bragging, but I hate that. Also two guys sitting around, drinking and swapping sex stories is a bit gay for me (inserts obligatory: not that I have a problem with that).

I guess the earlier part of this blog was really me talking around the question of why does the double standard exist. In British (and British decended cultures like America) culture, it seems like there has always been an assumption that men do nothing other than follow thier shlongs, where as the fact that women get any pleasure from sex is a relatively new understanding. I can't think of any culture where men are expected to be chaste and women libidonous. If anyone can, I'd love to know. If there isn't one, it gives more weight to some sort of genetic predisposition arguement, I suppose. But there has to be, there are exceptions to every rule (except, paradoxically, that one).

So why do women get called slut, etc. I think the main reason is actually terribly simple: It gets under their skin. Maybe not all women (I've known self-identified sluts), but enough that it works. Strangely though, unlike most derogatory words, it hasn't lost its specificity yet. I also think that using it does show a lack of comfort with ones own sexual side.

Anyway, that's my rambly .02

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Double Standards


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Jan 10 @ 5:02AM  
It's all fucked-up, someone fucked and enjoyed it, we're here as the product, on a site to try to find someone to comfortably fuck.

Jan 10 @ 9:33AM  
The true problem is that most men get the words slut and bitch mixed up. A slut is a chick who will fuck anyone. A bitch is a woman who will fuck anyone EXCEPT you. Personally, I wouldn't want to hook up with anyone who has had a ton of sex partners. Part of that is my belief that there is a lot more unprotected sex going on out there that is being talked about. Fine, maybe YOU knew you were clean before you fucked that slut, but what about the 12 guys she fucked before you? Were THEY clean? If you're messing with sexually promiscuous people, either gender, you up your risks of catching diseases, and to me, that is the bottom line!

Jan 10 @ 11:45AM  
Words and terms have different meaning to every person.
What truly matters is how you feel about yourself if you can look at yourself in the mirror and like the person you are that’s all that counts.
The musical “The King and I” had a great little bit about this subject and he equated it to a bee and a flower that the bee (men) goes from flower to flower (women) where as a flower does not go from bee to bee.
They obviously overlooked the Queen bee in the hive with her hundreds of drones!!!!

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Double Standards