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Fuck a Duck - Talk About a Quacking Good Time...

posted 1/8/2008 2:24:32 AM |
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  DickSlippery

I fucking hate this shit. I don't have anything 2 write about. It fucking sucks. Someone as truly fucked up as I am should most definitly have something worthwhile 2 say when pressed N2 action, I always say.

Cuz I am fucked up. Make no mistake about it. On most daze U would have 2 do some travelling 2 find another motherfucker as fucked off I am (other daze...not so much. A block or two maybe...). But I'm also mostly harmless. So long as U aren't completely fucking stupid or married 2 me U might even be a little entertained by my antics. In small doses, anyway.

4 those of U who are married 2 me (U know who U are...no need 2 point fingers. This iz, after all, supposed 2 be a constructive exercise, right?), all I can really say iz I'm sorry. I honestly don't mean 2 be a fucking horn dog. And the really fucking stupid thing on my part iz I can't seem 2 figure out that eventually shit iz going 2 change between us becuz of my fucking actions. Plain and simple...eventually a bitch iz gonna have had enough of my fucking bullshit and she's gonna say, "Adios, motherfucker!" and be gone.

I'm not saying she's gonna stop loving me (like that iz even possible. Have U met me?), but she damned sure iz gonna stop being in love with me, and when she duz its gonna be a sad fucking day in Slipperyville, USA. Its my own damned fault. I have seen how down 4 me this bitch iz. I know how much she fucking loves me. I have seen it firsthand. She has proven it time and again.

But I still can't seem 2 leave these other bitches alone! I fucking love me some strange pussy (and judging from my track record, the stranger the better! Ba-dump-bump! That one wuz 4 U, dixxx!), I have 2 admit. It seems like there iz always some other bitch occupying my attention. After 14 years, that has got 2 be a little irritating.

I recently offered my beloved wife a compromise. I understand that this shit has got 2 be wearing a little thin, and I wuz hoping that by trying 2 come 2 some sort of agreement with her I could avoid having that "I'm sorry, I fucked up again" conversation that I have already had way 2 many fucking times 4 one goddamned relationship.

So, what I proposed wuz this...I would agree 2 be the loving, attentive, storybook hubby she has always dreamed I would be 98% of the time so long as the remaining 2% I can do whatever it iz I want. I agree 2 remain respectful of her always and 2 practice safe sex. Although I wouldn't give her gory details of my exploits, neither would I hide any of my transgressions from her. I would agree 2 remain 100% honest ALWAYS becuz I have no reason not 2 do so. I would agree NOT 2 fuck around with any of her friends or family members. I would agree not 2 become involved in any "affairs". I would agree not 2 fuck anyone behind her back, or 2 harbor any secrets with any other bitches she duzn't know about. And I would agree 2 allow her the opton of saying ,"No." at any tiime, and 4 any reason she wants. However, I would have my time away scheduled with her far in advance, so she would be able 2 mentally prepare herself 4 the time I wuz away.

Figuring it out using a year as a base line, 2% works out 2 be about a week. The way I had imagined it, I would take a day, wait a month or two then take another day, wait about another month and then take a weekend - just get three of the motherfuckers out of the way at once, wait a couple of months and use another day and finally use up the final day 2wards the end of the year. Each time I would keep in contact with her as much as she wanted and I would be honest about what I wuz doing and 2 whom I wuz doing it (not only iz this 2 maintain honesty in the relationship, but it also allows me the freedom 2 blog about my experiences, which I want very badly 2 do...). I wuz hoping we could start it just after the New Year.

Had she gone 4 it, I actually would have used one of my daze 2 meet this chick I met here on AMD last Friday. Un4tunately, it went over like a fucking lead zeppelin. She got upset becuz she felt as if I had set something up with some other bitch B4 I had spoken 2 her about it. That wuzn't my intention at all. It just seemed 2 work out that way. I honestly didn't mean 4 it 2 happen that way.

I wuz rapping 2 this very nice female I met here on AMD, right? I know it appears that I get a lot of action what with the chicks emailing me naked pics and whatnot, but truth be told I don't see all that much from it. Part of the problem iz all the fucking bitches who dig me seem 2 live on the opposite side of Mississippi River, and that makes 4 a rather difficult meeting, U know?

Then I met this chick, who turned out 2 be a fucking hot little number that lives literally like two freakin miles from my house. She seemed cool enough and we started chatting - just normal shit...no cybersex or anything like that. I had asked her if she ever met anyone off of the internet in real life and she said no, cuz all U motherfuckers live 2 fucking far away. From that point the conversation followed a predictable path that ended up with us the two of us tentatively agreeing 2 meet one another the following Friday (which wuz actually last Friday. We never actually met, but then neither did we reconfirm during the week the way we were supposed 2...). I never set out 2 make a date with this bitch...it just sorta happened.

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Comments:

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DickSlippery

Jan 8 @ 2:29AM  
See...now here's where our story takes a little twist. In the past, whenever faced with a similar situation I would have just kept my mouth shut and made some excuse 2 free up my time on Friday, meet with this bitch and cheat. That's the exact behavior tha leads me 2 that "I fucked up" speech I am trying 2 avoid, see? So I figured rather than do what I wuz inclined 2 do I would do the opposite and see what happens. She didn't go 4 it, but she did listen B4 shooting me down. I think that iz a step in the right direction. So...long story short, didn't get 2 go have a good time with this bitch. But, neither did I end up cheating with her. Honestly, I would rather not fuck her than 2 cheat with her.

I don't know if I am ever going 2 stop cheating and, quite frankly, the evidence all points 2 a resounding NO if one iz 2 examine it honestly. In fact, a strong argument could probably be made that that iz just what I do. I cheat. But, here's the thing. I don't want 2 fucking cheat. I don't want 2 be that guy. i don't want 2 have 2 lie about what I am doing and I don't want 2 have 2 sneak around and shit 2 do it. I do want 2 fuck with other bitches from time 2 time, but I don't want 2 be disrespectful about it. I certainly do not want 2 lose what I have behind the shit.

I don't know...perhaps I have made shit worse by attempting 2 make it better. I know she already believes that I no longer find her attractive (not true...I find her attractive, also), and she iz aware of some of the bitches I lust after. I don't think she knows all of them, but she knows who the main ones are. I would have 2 believe she knows which of them I would want 2 meet, anyway. Assuming that it could even be arranged logistically, who iz 2 say that any of these bitches would want 2 really meet me, anyway?

But that's not her problem, iz it? Besides, who iz 2 say that I would use any of my freebies on AMD members? It would certainly be much easier 2 just meet some bitch at a fucking bar and go home with her than it would be 2 hook up with any of the females I fucking talk 2! But, hey - I know way in advance what day I am going 2 be out playing around, so it wouldn't be that hard 2 just get a room and call myself up a hooker. Get an hour of exactly what I am looking 4, get it at a reasonable rate, right? U might even think so, huh? Unless u happen 2 know that I don't get off unless the bitch iz getting off along with me. The idea that she iz only there becuz I am paying her turns me off TOTALLY. Makes me want 2 do something else entirely, like...I don't know...watch Jeopardy! or some fucking thing. Not pay 4 pussy, though...I can tell U that much. My point iz this, whether or not I get 2 do what it iz I want 2 do iz not part of the equation.

I don't know. I think I am probably over thinking the shit now. I thought it wuz a workable solution. Maybe I wuz wrong.

Keeping U posted,

DS
Tracker0523

Jan 8 @ 3:05AM  
i guess all women to you are bitches and ho's?
DickSlippery

Jan 8 @ 3:10AM  
WTF about anything I just said leads U 2 that conclusion? Remember what I said about the completely fucking stupid not getting me? I think this iz a fine example of theory becoming reality.

DS
sundance64

Jan 8 @ 7:54AM  
It would take a strong woman to agree to what you offered...and an equally strong woman to say "Hell No!!"

Personally, for me it's the lying that hurts more than the cheating. The fact that a man...my man...looked me in the eye and flat out lied to me. So, on that point, I can admire you're honesty.

But...cheating still hurts.

My advice? Get therapy. You need it...OMG, on so levels and in so many ways!! Or try a 12 step program...you know they have one for sex addicts? On the other hand...maybe not. You'd look at it as an opportunity to meet a chick who wants more sex than you!

I guess you have to ask yourself (and I'm sure you have...) which is more important? Being with DB or hooking up with other women...would the hooking up be nearly as much fun if DB just up and left you?

Just sayin...
str8ngr84u2

Jan 8 @ 9:32AM  
I think you should definately go with Sunny's advice.... I am pretty sure noone else would put up with it. Oh and a Kudo to DB, for putting up with you.
canuhelpme258

Jan 8 @ 1:50PM  
First he needs to stop looking at my pictures Sunny... there ain't no 12 steps or patch.... lol... he just needs a cold shower!
zena343

Jan 8 @ 4:04PM  
DS all I can say is DIXXX must really LOVE you beyond. I can't imagine anyone agreeing to what you are proposing. It doesn't sound to me as though she wants an open marriage, like the one that you wish you had. For me just knowing that the man I loved would even think of doing something like this to me would be unbearable, I would always be second guessing him everytime he went out the door, whether it be to work or wherever. I would NEVER HAVE PEACE OF MIND!! I would say it wouldn't take me long to give him his wish..........because he would have all the freedom he wanted.....and more........but just NO MORE ME!!

I truely wish you and DIXX the very best. And I hope that you can work this out, so you are both HAPPY!!
TastyCupcake

Jan 9 @ 2:47PM  
The most important question to ask yourself is how would it make you feel if your wife told you she was incessantly lusting after other men and felt it was okay to cheat as long as she informed you in advance?

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Fuck a Duck - Talk About a Quacking Good Time...