Out of coffee and running late to work. As if the day had not started out horrible enough, I looked in the bathroom mirror for some honest soul searching. My bathroom is very small, and in proportion to the rest of the room, my mirror is huge and almost overcomes me like those annoying billboards along the highway. Usually a quick glance at the vertical, image-distorting contraption is all the time I take while brushing my teeth and sipping a hot mug of coffee.
But for some reason, today, of all days, I stared intently at the well-known image in the mirror for some brutally honest feedback. It was a horrible moment when I came to the realization that my breasts have fallen and can't get back up! Gone is the firm muscle tone which kept those gorgeous globes perky and inviting. A cartoon from many years before (yes, the value of it had actually escaped me at the time) came to mind; it was an old woman whose breasts were hanging below the bottom of her shirt. Hmmm... color my hair blue, stick bunny house shoes on my size twelve feet and I could be Maxine's twin sister. Slitting my wrists could still be an option before my coffee is gone.
Viewing my upper torso from different angles does little to relieve my depressing observation. Maybe this was payback for all those years of going braless in youthful defiance of established social rules. My nipples were and still are very modest and rarely test their surroundings, thus a casual glance from any bystander would leave them ignorant of my uninhibited bliss. And it's not like I flaunted them, entering every wet t-shirt contest to show them off (although there was a drunken, weak moment when my male cousin almost talked me into doing it).
Of course, in retrospect they were much smaller during my youth when I jogged and played basketball. I've always been active, but time has not treated my bosom buddies well. I'm sure a short run now would result in some serious repercussions. And turning half a century old this year doesn't help in the least bit - although dating a 33-year-old at the time was truly nurturing to my soul.
Now I'm really late for work and the caffeine withdrawal is starting to set in. Perky or not, it's time to start my day.
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