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The Wonderful World of Online Dating

posted 12/29/2007 1:17:11 AM |
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Ah, where to begin...?

Any of you remember dialing in to those local BBS networks back in the late 80s or early 90s when a 24 baud modem was something to get excited about? Yeah, this was back in the day when I was bringing my laptop to the third grade science fair to show off the programs I had coded in BASIC. I was a computer geek way before the net became a household word and AOL launched hoards of illiterate "noobs" into our elite intellectual ranks. Remember FidoNet and trying to get "elite" status on the local boards so you could download pr0n and wAreZ? Ha, I think I was about 12 or 13 when we finally got Prodigy or CompuServe and I felt like I was suddenly connected to a whole new world of computer social interaction...until the phone bills came in the mail!

OK, so now that I've established my credibility, I'll admit that I never really looked into internet dating until YEARS later. Sure, I was whacking off to low-res porn and IRC cybersex chats when I was hardly in junior high, but I never seriously thought about meeting someone IRL from the net until after my first couple years in college, when I had been through a couple bad breakups and was looking for some NSA fun with someone outside of my social circle. (OK, not quite right, I guess I did meet an older girl on AOL when I was in high school and we met for a nice makeout date one night, but that was all...)

It was maybe around 20 or so when I started looking online. Maybe part of that is because I've been the sort of socially awkward type that could NEVER ask a girl out unless she made her interest in me very clear first.

I've met people on Craigslist, Myspace, ALT.COM, OKCupid and GothicPersonals. I can't say I've actually had a meaningful friendship with most of those people, and only a few I've actually met in person. I have had a few one night encounters with people I've met on these sites, and I have made a few friendships. However, I have thus far had little luck finding someone who shares my similar interests, outlooks and turn-ons. You might say I am setting my expectations too high, but if you met some of the girls I've tried to "get with", you'll see that I have lowered my standards significantly. I am not proud of this, but I am ready to own up to the fact. The girlfriends I've met in "natural" or "organic" ways have always been beautiful and interesting. Most of the girls I've ever "hooked up" with online have been overweight, unattractive, and rather dull to talk to. This has made me cynical of online dating. Maybe the only way to meet the kind of girls with whom I can share a mutual attraction is to do it the old-fashioned way, through friends and acquaintances and hitting on strangers out in the real world.

But I can't accept that. I'm somewhat of progressive and futurist. I feel that technology SHOULD make it easier and more efficient to find more appropriate partners. Maybe my approach is wrong. I'm not looking for a one-night thing, but maybe I come across that way sometimes... I try to be very open about my sex drive and various fetishes in my online communication, simply because I can't bring these things up when I meet a girl in the "normal" ways. But I'm really interesting in developing real friendships and relationships, though I don't believe in things like marriage and breeding. I've known quite a few "waiting till marriage" types, and I could never date a girl who doesn't require lots of dirty sex as a regular part of a healthy casual relationship; but I DO want a relationship, not just a fuck buddy or one night stand.

I've been on Plenty of Fish lately, started a new ALT profile, and checked out the Passions Network of free personals sites. Every site I find seems to be filled with spambot profiles, lots of other horny guys, and the occasional woman who is so picky that I would never even bother to contact her.

I guess I'm just babbling now about my own inadequacies, eh? I think I'm a pretty damn good guy actually, for the right girl... it just seems that that girl is hard to find online. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places? I don't know. This wasn't meant to be a pity post or a call for advice. I am just rambling about my experiences with online dating, and for the most part, they have not been too successful, but on the other hand, I haven't put alot of time and effort into really cultivating the sort of online relationships that might lead to the sort of real world relationships I want.

I don't know how to end this now. I thought I was going to wrap this all up in a very nicely composed and organized essay, but I'm not feeling like going back to fix things up now. So here you go, straight from the whore's mouth and onto the page. Dig it if you will.

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Dec 29 @ 1:20AM  
I guess I should have added this...

So, given all my random babblings, what are your thoughts? Any of you guys (or gals!) out there have similar experiences? I read through the "How to Fuck Up on AMD" post and realize that I'm probably setting myself up for trouble here by complaining about my lack of luck on these sites...that was not really the point of this post, but it sorta went there on its own. Anyway, I'm just wondering what some other people have to offer as general reactions to the online personals scene. Obviously, we're all here, so we all have SOME hope of finding SOMETHING meaningful or at least interesting on here...

Dec 29 @ 4:21AM  
Just be yourself on here and enjoy the site. Wish you best of luck!

Dec 29 @ 8:09AM  
Any thoughts on why those "beautiful and interesting" girls you met IRL also did not work out for you as far as a real relationship goes? As an older, overweight woman, I can tell you that I often get the feeling that men think I should consider myself lucky for any attention I get from them. And the men IRL seem to be looking for the ornamental woman and will often pass by someone of real worth without taking time to get to know her. Are you sabotaging your online possibilities with your low expectations? IRL or OL, I think it takes time to find the real thing here or in the real world, and I'm willing to wait and maintain my standards.

Dec 29 @ 8:46AM  
I met my partner of 7 years online... but it wasn't at AMD. There have been several pairings created here at AMD though. If you keep trying and play your cards right. it might happen for you too.

Dec 29 @ 1:21PM  
Well you know how it goes the harder you look for something or someone and obsess about such things the less likely it is to happen. So take a deep breath be yourself have no expectations other than to have fun and while your having a good time you might end up making a new friend and from there who knows?
From small acorns mighty oaks grow!

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