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Pondering Life's Choices.

posted 12/27/2007 12:25:25 AM |
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  alybai42

I have had a lot going on in my life that is not good lately. Which threw me into a deep depression where I didn't want to see anyone, talk to anyone. I just wanted to hide under my blankets and cry. The hard part is trying to not let my daughter know how depressed I really am.
I don't want to do anything anymore. My house is a mess. Do I care?
I don't know how to snap out of it. Besides going on medication. I was hoping to come out of it but so far that has not worked. I am hiding from the world and don't know what to do. I still go to work. Just one job now as I lost my car. I don't like to rely on other people to take me to where I need to go. I have always been the one to help other's.
Tonight when I got off of work I walked outside and looked up at the sky and asked GOD why? I asked him to point me in the right direction. I just feel so lost.

I don't even want a man in my life. I hardly think about a man anymore or sex. I just want to keep on hiding in my own little world.

Happy people make me sad. It is not their fault.
I know I should call my doctor and go back on a anti-depressent.

If you have been wondering where I have been now you know..Hiding out. I am hiding from the pain of being depressed.

I want a new life. A happy one for both me and my daughter. I am not being a good mom these days. I can't help her if I can't help myself.

I am hoping that 2008 will be better.

Happy New Year Eveyone at AMD.

Tammy

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Comments:

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kisses5401

Dec 27 @ 12:32AM  
Tammy you are not alone. I could have been reading about myself.I also am hoping that 08 will bring some better changes for myself and others who feel like me
StraddleMyNose

Dec 27 @ 12:34AM  
Sweetie, we have talked a few times about this recently, and my heart goes out to you. Like I said, things will turn around for you. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I know you're strong and you will come out of this even stronger and a better person.
redbronze

Dec 27 @ 12:36AM  
sister depression is a difficult thing to handle and being without your meds is dangerous... call someone there are depression hotlines out here here is one of the many sites with phone numbers on it.. your doing an important first step by talking here the next is to talk to a professional.. Huggs know we all love you and want the best of everything for you.. here is the site url.. depression hotline
HollyHummy

Dec 27 @ 12:50AM  
I know I should call my doctor and go back on a anti-depressent.
I know they aren't a cure all, but at least they will help you balance out enough so you feel like you are in control again...
When I feel I'm in control and balanced It's easier to have hope for a brighter future.
I don't how it works for you, but that's how it works for me.
Take care of yourself..
JamalLewis

Dec 27 @ 2:41AM  
There will always be ups and downs in life, but one of the best pieces of advice I have ever gotten was to always keep my head up .
onehornytoad69

Dec 27 @ 5:38AM  
I know I should call my doctor and go back on a anti-depressent.
Hun, if the Doctor has checked you out in the past and gave you Meds.. You should take them!
This is a very tough time of year for most of us "singles".
The songs "Stand" and "You cant keep a good man down" come to mind for me..when I get down..
Then I just brush my ass off and get up........ and get going!
Seek help....Your Family needs you! Life is too short to hide out! My 2 cents!
Friendinneed56M

Dec 27 @ 6:35AM  
The power to have a new life is up to you...Nothing will change unless you make a change..

Perhaps getting a friend/companion to help you in the small day to day things would be a good way to start..

Keep yourself and your place clean..That gives you a sense of order and that is always a positive feeling..

What defines us as human beings is our ability to reason..Use your abilities to help yourself...Today...

You can do anything you put your mind to believe me...
storminnorman

Dec 27 @ 7:42AM  
Just stopping in as a new user to this site and thinking I could help in some small way. Remember, you are not alone in your feelings of depression. We, as a community are here to listen and help 24 hrs a day if needed. As other members have stated, the most important thing is to get back on your medication and see your doctor asap. If you can also talk to others and let them know what your feeling, than, perhaps they can help you as well.
You have to bring yourself out of your depression to care for yourself and your daughter. If you cannot do it alone, than please seek the help you need. I can relate in a small way to your depression, as I've had chronic back pain for 3 years and often find myself feeling depressed and that there is no relief or escape from the pain. Please feel free to contact me if you just want someone to listen. Take care, Mike
BuddhaDon

Dec 27 @ 7:43AM  
NachoBaby

Dec 27 @ 7:53AM  
Aly baby.. you aren't alone. That's something that's hard to see right now because we aren't in your pocket.. but we are here.. and we are available to listen at any moment. Sure it may take us a few hours to get back to you.. but you can always talk to one of us here. Or all of us like you just did.

If your depression gets bad during the winter time, try gro-lights in your house. The UV helps. Honest.. They make special depression lights but those bastards are spendy.. where the Gro-lights aren't quite as high.

If you think that you need the medication then the likelihood is that you do.

We all care Tammy! All of us... even the ones you don't think do.
loveableone

Dec 27 @ 8:52AM  
The power to have a new life is up to you...Nothing will change unless you make a change
Those are words to live by!!! I had depression, and was on meds for it, but I used my strength and over came it!!! That was about 6 years ago now!!! We are the ones who have the power inside to change what needs to be changed! Some just need a little boost from the meds! I know you have the strength in you!! And just know - you cant hide it from your daughter, she will sense it, and know something is wrong - so now you have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of her!! Good luck, and please, dont feel bad about needing some help, just go get it before its too late!!
zena343

Dec 27 @ 8:59AM  
Tammy my heart breaks for you, I know it is very difficult to keep everything going being a single parent. Trying to keep the house clean, working everyday coming home tired as heck and having to look after your daughter. Making sure she has supper, homework done, house is clean, dishes down, garbage out, etc... It's tough and its damn hard!! Please,,,, your daughter needs you in her life, she needs to know your OK. I know when I am down or sad my daughter picks up on it right away, and I can tell that it worries her. I'm sure your daughter picks up on you too, and that can be scary for them. Go to your doctor and get help.......your daughter needs MOM!! And you need your LIFE BACK!! Take care Tammy and I wish you nothing but happiness and joy, and (if it's what you want) the loving arms of a wonderful man to be there for you always!!

Zena
Lisa46

Dec 27 @ 9:08AM  
You know how I feel we talked about it I love you Tammy Girl! and yeah we got numbers if ya wanna talk!
Ewe_Wish

Dec 27 @ 9:21AM  
Ok dolly, I am not going to scold you.........You know i love ya to bits but you also know i tell you what you need to hear not what you necessarily wanna hear.........

I don't like to rely on other people to take me to where I need to go. I have always been the one to help other's.
I was like you......didnt want to ask for anyone for anything........i could do it on my own...........and one day my friend frank said to me........why didnt you call and ask for help........and i said i dont ask for help i help others.........he asked me what it felt like when i helped others how did that make me feel.......and I said i loved helping others....it gave me joy to know that I was able to do something for someone else........and he said so your just being selfish when you dont ask for help......when i asked him what he meant he said.........when you dont ask for help you are cheating someone else out of that joyful feeling.............and he was right.......and now i ask for help instead of struggliing on my own.........it is in most peoples makeup to wanna help others........dont cheat them out of that feeling of being able to.......that doesnt mean we can take advantage of people......but sometimes we just need to pick up that phone and say help me...........

My house is a mess. Do I care?
Ummm Yes g/f you do or you wouldnt have included that thought......Tammy you know that I have also went thru periods of depression........and there have been times i would have been embarrassed to allow someone in my house it was so messy and i didnt give a crap about it either.......BUt what i found was that once my house was clean a lot of the depression went away because I felt like i had accomplished alot..........Now i am not saying to jump up and do the whole house.....Rome wasnt built in a day and its easy when we are depressed to procrasinate..........take one room a day.........Say this is the day I am going to totally clean my kitchen.......make a plan of exactly what needs to be done and how to get it done and then do it...............sounds like a pain huh? The more time you put into thinking and doing one task (ie:clean the kitchen) the less time you have to think about your depression.......include your daughter into the job........make it fun for both of you......its not going to take your depression totally away but the feeling of accomplishment will help.

Besides going on medication.
Unless you suddenly got your medical degree g/f..........you need to see your doctor and than take what he prescribes.......unless you want to continue to suffer.............and i dont think you do........let it help you over the hump and when you start feeling better about yourself...........and btw meds alone are not going to do it.......you need to start working on you.......just like i have done with me.........but once you feel more relaxed and secure within yourself...........than talk to the doctor about cutting back until you can quit.......with his decision made for it not yours...........

Sorry my comment is so long but I have one thing to add..........I am going to tell you something that a very dear friend that I met here told me one day when i was really down.............He said......Call me...........I cant promise you great words of wisdom or advice........but I can be there for you and I can cry with you..........Sometimes honey all it takes is to know that other people love you and think your worth while to start feeling better about yourself..........and you are worthwhile you are a truly wonderful woman who i am proud to call a friend.......and if you ever need to talk to me.........message me on yahoo.........or say you need to and I'll call you...........as i was told...........I cant promise you words of wisdom but i can be there for you...............Love ya sweetie......
alybai42

Dec 27 @ 11:25AM  
I want to say THANKS for all your help on this. I am going to get help. Somehow. Right now I don't have a car to get around. I had a talk with a good friend this morning. She knows what is going on in my life. With her help today I am going to get some things done. I need to go to the bank, stop at a buy here pay here car lot and see what kind of cars and how much it would cost to get one. I am going to make some phone calls to find out how I can get help with getting on medication so it won't cost me a lot. It hurts not having insurance.

Danya I did get one room cleaned last night. The room that had the biggest mess in it.
I also found out some information about my daughter. That is not good news. So I Have to deal with that also.

The most important thing is making the right choices in life. And moving forward. I am tired today. I can't sleep hardly, I don't eat.

Thanks again to my friends who have helped me in the right direction.
ABrownEyedScorpio

Dec 27 @ 3:52PM  
I had a medical procedure done a few years back and it created psychosis. The ensuing depression and anxiety attacks about drove me insane! Only with meds did I get myself back on track but, it's an ugly thing to have to deal with but, quite common. I will forever have to watch it and it's been poking up a bit since the birth of my son in September but, so far, so good.

Best of luck to you!



Greenie for ya!
wormwiggler

Dec 27 @ 7:19PM  
Well sweetie. We all have times in our life when we feel all is lost. I have been there. What works for me is to walk in the forest. Just me and what god has given us. It brings my head back, and makes me feel that this world is a great place. I wish you well and hope you find your answer.

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Pondering Life's Choices.