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I think my attitude went south for the winter

posted 12/21/2007 9:51:41 AM |
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  nusouthorigin

I have been in a bad/depressed mood lately. Not sure if its the holidays or what. First off a little background for ya, I'm from Ohio and now live in ATL Georgia. My family is in Ohio, and its been a couple years since I have seen them. Because of all that I tend to be in a foul mood around the holidays anyway. This year though is the first time in like 3 or 4 years that I will be single for the holidays.

Well for the most part the actual holiday isn't the problem. The problem this year seems to be couples. Or actually my friends that are couples, and in love. I hate seein how close they are to each other. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them that they found that special someone in their lives. And for the most part I think the are good for each other, maybe one or two couples where I'm thinkin "what the hell are they together for?"

No the problem with the couples is that it makes me lonely for love. Don't get me wrong I'm not talkinin about a sexual way. I'm talkin bout that special feelin ya have where ya jus wanna stare into their eyes and enjoy the moment. I'm talkin bout that special kinda someone where you can snuggle up in front of a fire and watch a movie while cuddling. I'm talkin bout that person that makes your heart jump when you see them. That person that makes everything else seem unimportant while you are with them.

I know this isn't shit a guy normally bitches about. Normally a guy on here is like "damn why can't I get laid?" Don't get it fucked up, I can get laid, thats not the problem. I have been havin nonemotionally connected sex since my ex and I broke up last July. The problem is I really miss connecting with someone on a emotional level and I'm scared that I may have already had that for the last time, what if I already blew all my chances?. And know I am starting to find myself not making myself emotionally available as a result. I'm worried that I may be boxing myself up and not be able to unwrap it later. I know I can't be the only 20/30 something in the world to feel this way. Maybe I'm the only one stupid enough to admit it though.

Anyway I'm not lookin for advice or pity, jus ventin a little. So I appreciate anybody that reads this time. Hope ya'll have a good holiday season.

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Comments:

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casuallylooking

Dec 21 @ 10:46AM  
Maybe I'm the only one stupid enough to admit it though.
O, admitting that was anything but stupid.... that was a very heartfelt blog and I'm sure lots of 20-30 age women would love to have a man feel and admit those things. Hell any age woman would love that in a man.

I'm sorry that you don't have that one special woman in your life right now. And that's not pity, it's totally understanding where you're coming from with those thoughts. Believe me.
Being alone at the holidays and watching your friends be in love does make it even harder. You wish them happiness, but you also wish you were that happy.

really miss connecting with someone on a emotional level and I'm scared that I may have already had that for the last time, what if I already blew all my chances?.
I highly doubt that. But you have to be willing to accept it if you find it instead of shutting yourself off.
When you do find her, or should I say when she is lucky enough to find you, it'll be well worth the wait. Don't give up.....she's out there, O. And she's probably thinking the same things you are.

Best wishes and a Very Merry Christmas to you!!

NachoBaby

Dec 21 @ 11:01AM  
You aren't the only one who feels that way hon.. many people think that they will never find what they seek. Hope you do and soon.

Hugs for the Holidays...
xquseme

Dec 21 @ 11:38AM  
My ex asked me to move out in October, on our anniversary, several years ago. I
remember what a bitch it was doing Christmas shopping that year, and wondering
whether I should still buy that "special" gift...for her. What a drag!! (BTW, no, I didn't...)

At 20-or-30-something, you've still got plenty of time. Don't box yourself up; that will
only make it harder to return to the dating world. It's odd, but it's true what an old
religion teacher of mine once said: you must make yourself vulnerable to receive the
benefits of intimacy (meaning a close, loving relationship). You gotta take that risk
of being hurt again, sometimes...

It's not much consolation, but it's true that time heals all wounds. Ya gotta stay in
there and keep swinging, but give yourself a break, too!

Hang in there; good luck!



anniesue56

Dec 21 @ 12:37PM  
Darlin, take an ole gals advice, I lost my husband 2 yrs ago to cancer and i felt the same as u did. I coldn't even go into McDonalds to eat, seeing couples together and saying to myself " why can't that be me?" I need that too, and like u all of my family lives away from except i do my inlaws here, but don't give up there is someone out there just meant for u to meet yet, wanting to be with someone is natural, whether we are young or older we all need someone. I wish you the best for the Holidays. Hugs and keep looking for that special someone oneday she will appear. Merry Christmas
nylimat18

Dec 21 @ 12:42PM  
Oh my your blog made me cry.. only because everything you wrote is everything i want and every feeling that i have had... now mind you i have been single for about 2 1/2 years since my sons father passed away and i will tell you what... i haven't given up hope on finding that right person cause i know he is out there.... some where... but i wanted to a few times.. Don't give up!!
lunanegra

Dec 21 @ 1:42PM  
That pretty much sums up the whole-entire holiday season for me...being lonely.
ladybootscooter

Dec 21 @ 1:48PM  
Another excellent, insightful honest blog. Keep this up and you won't be single long! A man that can admit his feelings, well that's a good and rare thing. I can relate to the missing the family and a special someone there with you during the holidays, but don't give up hope, somewhere out there is that special someone, and she's looking for you too. Hope your holidays get happier!
borty293

Dec 21 @ 2:57PM  
I think we all get that feeling but it has been my experience that someone comes along sooner or later and those feelings just disappear...I hope you find that special someone...you seem like a decent sort of chap....hang in there...
StraddleMyNose

Dec 21 @ 3:25PM  
I certainly know where you're coming from, as many on here does too. Just hang in there and maybe you will find your love soon. Best wishes to you!
ABrownEyedScorpio

Dec 21 @ 5:31PM  
I was where you are 8 years ago. He was my first love and I was devastated. I went through HELL and took time to heal before I let myself get emotionally connected. It served me well...I met the love of my life and we couldn't be happier.

I wish you all the best. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to you!

Good luck!

Greenie for ya!

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I think my attitude went south for the winter