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Men and sex.... 50 Pointers(haha) for women.....lmao...

posted 12/17/2007 12:02:45 PM |
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  Lady_Chalisa

funny but sadly true for the most part....lol

50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex.

1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.

2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.

3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.

4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.

5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.

7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.

8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.

9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.

10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.

12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.

13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.

14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.

15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.

16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".

17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.

18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.

19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.

20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.

21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.

22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.

23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.

24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.

25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.

26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.

27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.

28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?

29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.

30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.

31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.

32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.

33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.

34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yours

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Men and sex.... 50 Pointers(haha) for women.....lmao...
WHY GOD MADE MOMS...lmao
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Deleting my account
My life.....
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Update....
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Another one for the ladies....
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the price of eggs
why, why, why
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i am not christain but this makes sense


Comments:

post a comment!

Lisa46

Dec 17 @ 12:39PM  
Tool_Shed

Dec 17 @ 2:10PM  
I agree whole heartedly! I will, however, say that men should be as caring and considerate to their lover as humanly possible. Take the time to snuggle and have conversation afterwards, it doesn't hurt...then pass out...lol. Cosmo is a magazine that is geared towards rich and shameless women, whose main concerns are how impressive their diamond rings and necklaces are to their friends. Sex is a mutually satisfying experience if both people truly take the time to care for, and love one another. There are no hard and fast rules (no pun intended) about how it should be. I've always believed that it's imperative to make sure my woman is well taken care of...especially sexually. Most people write sex off as not being the primary element of a relationship. I disagree. It's been my experience that when the flame goes out, so does the relationship. Great blog Lady Chalisa! I still think you're hot
padreroyalataol

Dec 17 @ 2:18PM  
women can make mistakes?
Take care,
richard
zena343

Dec 17 @ 4:05PM  
I'm trying to figure out if your trying to be funny..........or serious? Unfortuantely I don't see the humor in them!! Actually I find them kind of insulting!! My opinion only.
Wordsofwit

Dec 17 @ 6:48PM  
Where are the other sixteen?

And let me add:

If ya don't gobble the goop, it ain't worth a poop.

If it is that time of the month and vaginal sex is uncomfortable, that only eliminates one third of the holes.

Consider letting him watch you during self sex, then both people can get off quickly when the interaction begins.

There are many more, but that is enough for now.
DesertSmile

Dec 17 @ 10:17PM  
OMG that is just too many rules to remember in one night. How about I break it down to a simple "WANNA FUCK"?
onehornytoad69

Dec 18 @ 6:46AM  
Some of those are soooo true!!!
May Fav is this one! [QUOTE] Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.
Amen! lol
Thx!!!!
darkstang33

Dec 25 @ 10:30AM  
You hit the nail right on the head girl.Both partners should work equally as hard to get each other off.I mean come on if you please your girl then she should have an equal respect in pleasing you as well.And last but not least i have to say you say things in a way that gets a mans chemistry to the boiling point.Good blog hun.

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Men and sex.... 50 Pointers(haha) for women.....lmao...