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Where do the years go?

posted 12/9/2007 12:03:02 AM |
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  alybai42

I was sitting on my bed thinking Very seldom do I have time to sit and think these days..

I was thinking about how fast the years are going by. And what have I done with my life. I will be 45 in two months and I don't feel like I have done anything with my life. My so called marriage sucked. The only good thing that came from that was my daughter who is growing up fast.
I thought of my first true love. Wonder what happened to him . After all these years I still think of him.

A friend made a comment to me about a month ago. He said why don't you find a man. I said what for? I never wanted to get married again. I always thought I had to have a man in my life. And I realized that I don't. Would be nice to have one to help me fix things I can't fix around my house. He said some day your child will be grown and gone and you will be all alone. I said no I won't. I will have friends. I don't have to have a man to be happy.
Then I thought what if I am alone. What if something happened to me and I can't take care of myself anymore. My health is not good right now. I am suppose to see a neurosurgeon to have back surgery. No one is touching my back with a knife.

I worry too much. I put too much stress on myself. I have panic attacks more than I ever did before.

I worry about my clients I take care of. There is one that I called today to make sure she was ok. Her family is out of town for the weekend and she is alone. And tomorrow I am going over to help her with some of her Christmas stuff she wants done. I am doing this on my own time. Why? Because that is who I am. I go out of my way to help other people. She asked me how much I would charge her for helping her out. I said you are not going to pay me. Maybe when I get to the point where I need help someone will be there for me like I do for my clients who need that extra special care?

Now after I just read my blog I am about to post I am wondering why I wrote it.

Merry Christmas to my AMD friends. Thanks for being such good friends.

Tammy

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Comments:

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loveableone

Dec 9 @ 12:09AM  
Merry Christmas to you too!!! May all the best come to you this holiday season!
mrknowuwell

Dec 9 @ 12:15AM  
ho ho ho.......never knew that santa wuz i pimp ......... did ya so any hoo.......have a happy 1.......n dont 4 get the cookies n milk 4 the fat guy
RuffRiding

Dec 9 @ 12:17AM  


I dont think your any different than a whole lot of people out there. Stay positive, not all men are bad. Believe me we all feel stressed over one thing or another, its human nature. 45 is not old by all means, I'm really enjoying my forties and yes time is really flying, it seems like yeasterday I was in my twenties. I loved growing up in the 70's, the best time of my life. Hang in there, you'll be fine.
BigFlirt

Dec 9 @ 12:19AM  
Time does fly by, seems like yesterday i was 43....Or was that yesterday? Damn drugs got me screwed up... ... Happy holidays....
BuddhaDon

Dec 9 @ 3:46AM  
Detach

Dec 9 @ 4:14AM  
I know exactly how you feel. I just turned 34 a week ago. I was fortunate enough to evade the marriage thing, so I'm not stuck in a crappy marriage. However, I do often reminisc on the women I was with before my last girlfriend. I also find myself wondering about what happened to them. I haven't really made all that much progress in my life in the last ten years, but man did they fly by fast. I'm so not looking forward to my 40's.
bentan

Dec 9 @ 5:18AM  
And what have I done with my life.

I think some of the answers lie in the same blog:

The only good thing that came from that was my daughter who is growing up fast.

I worry about my clients I take care of. There is one that I called today to make sure she was ok. Her family is out of town for the weekend and she is alone. And tomorrow I am going over to help her with some of her Christmas stuff she wants done. I am doing this on my own time. Why? Because that is who I am. I go out of my way to help other people. She asked me how much I would charge her for helping her out. I said you are not going to pay me. Maybe when I get to the point where I need help someone will be there for me like I do for my clients who need that extra special care?

Being able to bring up a child and to help others in need out of genuine care and concern is already doing more than most people would in their lifetimes. I would say you're doing plenty with your life.
Ewe_Wish

Dec 9 @ 10:06AM  
Tammy, when my birthday was approaching i kinda did the same thing i was gong to be 46 and had 3 marriages and none of them good (if we could have both worked as well having a good marriage as we did fucking it up.......would have helped lol) and i just felt my life was half over and i had accomplished nothing and you know what........I realized that i was spending time worrying about what i hadnt done or the things i screwed up that i was wasting the time i did have.....dont let life pass you by thinking about the what ifs.......go forward.....and make the ifs possible.....or at least the ones you want to do......

lubs ya g/f
ladybootscooter

Dec 9 @ 10:14AM  
It's like the Bob Seger song, Like a Rock, twenty years now, where'd they go? Twenty years, I don't know.

I know exactly what you mean, seems like just yesterday I was in my twenties and my "baby boy" was just that, a baby boy. Not sure when time started going at warp speed but wish it would slow down just a bit!
LilGriz

Dec 9 @ 10:37AM  
Time goes by so quickly,and we are in such a rush, we forget to just take time to relax. It's great that you give so much of yourself - we all do - that we need some me time just to recharge. I'm getting pretty close to that 50 mark, and make time to go down to the river, and just sit and watch and listen to nature.

Merry Christmas, and an enjoyable new year about to start.
31sunshine

Dec 9 @ 11:52AM  
I'm like you Tammy, I don't need a man in my life to be complete and happy, I am those things anyways. My kids are getting older and I do often wonder about what if. But you are doing something to make a change in your life, your going to school, and that's a huge thing.

You are a very compassionate person, whether it be the love of your life (someday) or great friends you'll never be alone.
Lisa46

Dec 9 @ 12:02PM  
Hey chickie do! I understand how ya feel to a point. But I do want someone in my life to talk to and just "be together" And I also wonder how a certain man is after 21 yrs but I'll get over Luvs ya and I'll talk to you again on the weekend
StraddleMyNose

Dec 12 @ 5:11AM  
Merry Christmas!

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Where do the years go?