So a pretty big event rolled around here, mostly when you're supposed to get swamped with all kinds of shitty gifts that you later regift.. and of course, my er, boyfriend? I'm still trying to figure this one out. I don't like giving names to relationships that are 99% sex but apparently he has an issue with not being given a title.. that's neither here nor there.... He just doesn't bother. I'm a cheap girl, he could have bought me a box of wine and some clappers and we could have had a party, but he just didn't. I mean, my friends are all getting together to throw a big party and we're all going to go out and just get trashed and make bad decisions- and he thinks nothing of it. Is it because he's older than me? I mean, here's a guy that clearly WANTS to be a in a relationship with me but he just doesn't bother to get excited for my big life events. To tell the truth, I just wanted to have a nice rapport of fucking him sometimes at my place and fucking him sometimes at his place... and then he goes and complicates the situation and when it's finally time for him to step up and be a boyfriend he totally bails. I can't believe I wanted to move in with a guy that is so apathetic. Maybe I'm just pissed I didn't get another gift.. because I'm not upset over this relationship.. maybe, I'm mad at myself for thinking that he was a stand up guy that would go out of his way to make me happy. Whatever... or maybe I've worn him down to the point where he just doesn't give a shit. Whatever it is, I'm so done with it.
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| Are men insensitive or just stupid? |
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Ewe_Wish
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Nov 15 @ 10:34AM
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Sweetie, I dont think its a case of where men are insensitive or stupid, I think they just dont realize that smal things affect us..........things they would never pay any attention to.........can either make our day or break our hearts..............it's just that they think differently than women do...........find a man who is sensitive and he is still going to make mistakes because he still doesnt think like women.......JMHO
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slohand_47
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Nov 15 @ 10:42AM
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Dontcha just LOVE generalizations. YOUR bf is a jerk........ so the question becomes are MEN insensitive or stupid.
My question would be....
Do people (men or women) who stay in relationships with insensitive jerks.... suffer from low self esteem... or are they just plain stupid?
.02
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jezzarae
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Nov 15 @ 10:56AM
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Most guys don't get that it isn't the gift itself that is important it is knowing they care enough to WANT to get you something.
I am not sure dumping a guy though for not getting excited at your big events is the answer. Yes they are insensitive but tis because most men have different priorities in life. Their birthday are no big deal to them so they expect it is the same for you. Communicate and educate. If he is decent in other ways he is worth the time. If there is more than just ignoring your birthday then weigh up all the pros and cons.
Happy birthday to you and good luck with your decision.
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Damien6212
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Nov 15 @ 10:58AM
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that is true, but you must also remember that not alll men are the same. everyone makes mistakes. its inevitable. you should just find someone who is understanding. maybe he does understand, but he just wants you to be free and not make you feel like you are tied down. he could act like the way he does because of that. im just saying there are possiblities. for instance, me, i like gothic things and it makes my appearance look like im not some one you should talk to, but that isnt true. it also allow those certain people who dont judge by appearance or put you in some fucked up group (labeling). there you can find some one that you can talk to and do stuff with. whether it be friend or boyfriend/girlfriend. if you have tried talking to him about it and he doesnt try anything different then you shouldnt bother with it, but he may not have understood what you meant even though he says does, you'll just have to be blunt about it even if you're not a very blunt person. you just have to take your time, relax, and think about it. then tell him how you feel bluntly. every guy will understand if it s blunt, but if you are blunt, then dont bother. find someone new.
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sugarnspice005
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Nov 15 @ 10:59AM
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Ok...going out on a limb here....I guess it boils down to communication.....Did he know of the "big event"....did he know a gift was expected? I guess what I'm saying is that too many times...people expect their partner/friends/family to be mind readers....and when we don't get the gifts/compliments/etc...we get pissed off and then ask why they are so "insensitive or just stupid".
just my opinion. 
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six3indallas
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Nov 15 @ 11:09AM
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I think the question might be, does he think of himself as just a fuck-buddy with no commitments expected?
I have to say, if I was in that situation, it would be hard for me to avoid wanting to be more involved, but that's just me.
Maybe he's thinking the NSA thing really means not only no strings but no involvement at all beyond sex.
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Thenewguy2957
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Nov 15 @ 11:26AM
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Some men are stupid, some are insensitive and some just can't remember dates well. It is your responsibility to remind him of things like birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, showers, etc. Give him a job to do for it and he's more likely to remember it. There is a Superbowl coming up in a few months and he probably needs all of his brain functions 100% for that.
See that's the insensitive male in me helping you with your problem.
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Lisa46
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Nov 15 @ 12:18PM
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sorry but if my man couldn't remember my birthday or our anniverasy we have a problem  He can remember everything else but not my day????? NOT. And i'm happy to say not one man I ever dated forgot my special day and I didn't have to remind him
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mikemoonwalk
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Nov 15 @ 12:57PM
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You say: "I just wanted to have a nice rapport of fucking him sometimes at my place and fucking him sometimes at his place"
To me, this doesn't sound like it's necessarily a gift-giving relationship. If he wants more, and you've been putting the brakes on, this is what you should expect in return.
Now, I don't know if this is what you've been doing, but fuck buddies don't necessarily exchange gifts. You SHOULD know that.
If it's something more, than ignore what I've said. But if you've been suggesting this is as deep as the relationship should go, then that's where it went.
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casuallylooking
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Nov 15 @ 2:10PM
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Maybe he's just not the type to celebrate birthdays. Maybe he didn't realize it is important to you. Maybe you should have a discussion with him about it...that is the only way you are going to learn the truth. Well, if he's honest with you.
Insensitive or stupid, yes, some are. But not all.
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totallytaboo
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Nov 15 @ 2:58PM
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It wasn't a bday, I just got accepted into a certain program at school.
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Dominus
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Nov 15 @ 4:13PM
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I will admit. For me it's pure stupidity. I don't mean to be thoughtless, but sometimes I am just because I can't always see it from someone else's perspective initially. It can take that "whack on the head" to get me to refocus, and after that I'm usually OK.
Insensitive would be the man that, after the whack on the head, just doesn't care.
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sexathome
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Nov 15 @ 4:28PM
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Given that he wanted to have the "boyfriend" title but doesn't want to BE a boyfriend, I can totally understand the frustration...
I can't believe I wanted to move in with a guy that is so apathetic
You wanted to move in with a guy that wants to have a title even though you wanted to have a nice rapport of fucking him sometimes at my place and fucking him sometimes at his place...
so he complicates the situation by wanting a title and you want a fuck buddy... he alludes to wanting a "bf/gf" relationship which causes you believe he wants more than just a physical relationship...
maybe, I'm mad at myself for thinking that he was a stand up guy that would go out of his way to make me happy.
take it as a learning experience that you need to define what exactly it is you want and don't let someone get more than they deserve....
and my final 2 cents...
does this mean you're free? I wouldn't mind having you over... I won't ask for a title and would still call to say congrats on your big life events... 
Good luck girl!! Hang in there!
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asnet
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Nov 15 @ 5:08PM
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I don't know what to say about this
until I can figure out
whether I am insensitive or stupid,
and is there a difference between stupid and dumb?
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