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Are men insensitive or just stupid?

posted 11/15/2007 10:27:15 AM |
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  totallytaboo

So a pretty big event rolled around here, mostly when you're supposed to get swamped with all kinds of shitty gifts that you later regift.. and of course, my er, boyfriend? I'm still trying to figure this one out. I don't like giving names to relationships that are 99% sex but apparently he has an issue with not being given a title.. that's neither here nor there.... He just doesn't bother. I'm a cheap girl, he could have bought me a box of wine and some clappers and we could have had a party, but he just didn't. I mean, my friends are all getting together to throw a big party and we're all going to go out and just get trashed and make bad decisions- and he thinks nothing of it. Is it because he's older than me? I mean, here's a guy that clearly WANTS to be a in a relationship with me but he just doesn't bother to get excited for my big life events. To tell the truth, I just wanted to have a nice rapport of fucking him sometimes at my place and fucking him sometimes at his place... and then he goes and complicates the situation and when it's finally time for him to step up and be a boyfriend he totally bails. I can't believe I wanted to move in with a guy that is so apathetic. Maybe I'm just pissed I didn't get another gift.. because I'm not upset over this relationship.. maybe, I'm mad at myself for thinking that he was a stand up guy that would go out of his way to make me happy. Whatever... or maybe I've worn him down to the point where he just doesn't give a shit. Whatever it is, I'm so done with it.

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Comments:

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Ewe_Wish

Nov 15 @ 10:34AM  
Sweetie, I dont think its a case of where men are insensitive or stupid, I think they just dont realize that smal things affect us..........things they would never pay any attention to.........can either make our day or break our hearts..............it's just that they think differently than women do...........find a man who is sensitive and he is still going to make mistakes because he still doesnt think like women.......JMHO

slohand_47

Nov 15 @ 10:42AM  
Dontcha just LOVE generalizations. YOUR bf is a jerk........ so the question becomes are MEN insensitive or stupid.

My question would be....
Do people (men or women) who stay in relationships with insensitive jerks.... suffer from low self esteem... or are they just plain stupid?
.02
jezzarae

Nov 15 @ 10:56AM  
Most guys don't get that it isn't the gift itself that is important it is knowing they care enough to WANT to get you something.
I am not sure dumping a guy though for not getting excited at your big events is the answer. Yes they are insensitive but tis because most men have different priorities in life. Their birthday are no big deal to them so they expect it is the same for you. Communicate and educate. If he is decent in other ways he is worth the time. If there is more than just ignoring your birthday then weigh up all the pros and cons.
Happy birthday to you and good luck with your decision.
Damien6212

Nov 15 @ 10:58AM  
that is true, but you must also remember that not alll men are the same. everyone makes mistakes. its inevitable. you should just find someone who is understanding. maybe he does understand, but he just wants you to be free and not make you feel like you are tied down. he could act like the way he does because of that. im just saying there are possiblities. for instance, me, i like gothic things and it makes my appearance look like im not some one you should talk to, but that isnt true. it also allow those certain people who dont judge by appearance or put you in some fucked up group (labeling). there you can find some one that you can talk to and do stuff with. whether it be friend or boyfriend/girlfriend. if you have tried talking to him about it and he doesnt try anything different then you shouldnt bother with it, but he may not have understood what you meant even though he says does, you'll just have to be blunt about it even if you're not a very blunt person. you just have to take your time, relax, and think about it. then tell him how you feel bluntly. every guy will understand if it s blunt, but if you are blunt, then dont bother. find someone new.
sugarnspice005

Nov 15 @ 10:59AM  
Ok...going out on a limb here....I guess it boils down to communication.....Did he know of the "big event"....did he know a gift was expected? I guess what I'm saying is that too many times...people expect their partner/friends/family to be mind readers....and when we don't get the gifts/compliments/etc...we get pissed off and then ask why they are so "insensitive or just stupid".

just my opinion.
six3indallas

Nov 15 @ 11:09AM  
I think the question might be, does he think of himself as just a fuck-buddy with no commitments expected?

I have to say, if I was in that situation, it would be hard for me to avoid wanting to be more involved, but that's just me.

Maybe he's thinking the NSA thing really means not only no strings but no involvement at all beyond sex.
Thenewguy2957

Nov 15 @ 11:26AM  
Some men are stupid, some are insensitive and some just can't remember dates well. It is your responsibility to remind him of things like birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, showers, etc. Give him a job to do for it and he's more likely to remember it. There is a Superbowl coming up in a few months and he probably needs all of his brain functions 100% for that.

See that's the insensitive male in me helping you with your problem.
Lisa46

Nov 15 @ 12:18PM  
sorry but if my man couldn't remember my birthday or our anniverasy we have a problem He can remember everything else but not my day????? NOT. And i'm happy to say not one man I ever dated forgot my special day and I didn't have to remind him
mikemoonwalk

Nov 15 @ 12:57PM  
You say: "I just wanted to have a nice rapport of fucking him sometimes at my place and fucking him sometimes at his place"

To me, this doesn't sound like it's necessarily a gift-giving relationship. If he wants more, and you've been putting the brakes on, this is what you should expect in return.

Now, I don't know if this is what you've been doing, but fuck buddies don't necessarily exchange gifts. You SHOULD know that.

If it's something more, than ignore what I've said. But if you've been suggesting this is as deep as the relationship should go, then that's where it went.
casuallylooking

Nov 15 @ 2:10PM  
Maybe he's just not the type to celebrate birthdays. Maybe he didn't realize it is important to you. Maybe you should have a discussion with him about it...that is the only way you are going to learn the truth. Well, if he's honest with you.
Insensitive or stupid, yes, some are. But not all.
totallytaboo

Nov 15 @ 2:58PM  
It wasn't a bday, I just got accepted into a certain program at school.
Dominus

Nov 15 @ 4:13PM  
I will admit. For me it's pure stupidity. I don't mean to be thoughtless, but sometimes I am just because I can't always see it from someone else's perspective initially. It can take that "whack on the head" to get me to refocus, and after that I'm usually OK.

Insensitive would be the man that, after the whack on the head, just doesn't care.
sexathome

Nov 15 @ 4:28PM  
Given that he wanted to have the "boyfriend" title but doesn't want to BE a boyfriend, I can totally understand the frustration...

I can't believe I wanted to move in with a guy that is so apathetic

You wanted to move in with a guy that wants to have a title even though you
wanted to have a nice rapport of fucking him sometimes at my place and fucking him sometimes at his place...

so he complicates the situation by wanting a title and you want a fuck buddy... he alludes to wanting a "bf/gf" relationship which causes you believe he wants more than just a physical relationship...

maybe, I'm mad at myself for thinking that he was a stand up guy that would go out of his way to make me happy.

take it as a learning experience that you need to define what exactly it is you want and don't let someone get more than they deserve....


and my final 2 cents...

does this mean you're free? I wouldn't mind having you over... I won't ask for a title and would still call to say congrats on your big life events...

Good luck girl!! Hang in there!


[/QUOTE][QUOTE]
asnet

Nov 15 @ 5:08PM  
I don't know what to say about this
until I can figure out
whether I am insensitive or stupid,
and is there a difference between stupid and dumb?

Okaywomen

Dec 5 @ 1:33PM  
Hey so read your post, twice. That's a really shitty thing to do to someone your being intimate with on a regular basis. I keep my guard up as well, but there does come a point where certain things need to be discussed. For myself, at about a month in I ask whoever the girl may be "Look, what are we? I don't wanna keep fucking you, when there's a chance you may be seeing other dudes." I settle it then and there. If they wanna be in a relationship great, if not maybe next time. After many relationships, and a 2 year period of being single I can tell you, that for myself, being single is boring, lonely, and so devoid of meaning. Anyone can get laid, few an man up. Good luck.
Okaywomen

Dec 5 @ 1:33PM  
Hey so read your post, twice. That's a really shitty thing to do to someone your being intimate with on a regular basis. I keep my guard up as well, but there does come a point where certain things need to be discussed. For myself, at about a month in I ask whoever the girl may be "Look, what are we? I don't wanna keep fucking you, when there's a chance you may be seeing other dudes." I settle it then and there. If they wanna be in a relationship great, if not maybe next time. After many relationships, and a 2 year period of being single I can tell you, that for myself, being single is boring, lonely, and so devoid of meaning. Anyone can get laid, few an man up. Good luck.
Okaywomen

Dec 5 @ 1:47PM  
I have to say though, after the third reread, that you come across naive. You caps locked that this dude "clearly WANTs to be in a relationship with me," when it seems to me from reading that he made it very evident to you that he didn't want to be in a relationship. Please don't misunderstand I hate dudes like him who just sleep with whoever whenever with no attachments because their usually the most boring waste of space human beings. Due to years of living in this shallow, vapid, selfish existence what else can you expect from such a person? You may lie to yourself, friends, even the people in this forum about this guys character. But it seems to me, that I know him better then yourself, from everything you written I am imagining a club hopping hipster in a black button down with jeans hair may or may not be jelled. Prob works a mundane job if at all, and rarely if ever has an insightful, witty, or intellectual comment. You've been fucking man candy, and you were fucked by man candy, move on, hopefully learn from it.
Stickywicket1

Dec 6 @ 12:22AM  
Insensitive or stupid? My profile clearly states 18-30 for men. I'll let you be the judge. After I told him he was out of that range and it was clearly stated on my profile this is what his response was:

"xxxtrafunforus": Also doesn't like rejection no matter how nice you are. This is what he wrote to a friend and myself after we both reminded him he was out of the age range, plus we were both seeking women:

"because I fuck 3 to 4 different girls a week and thought you might not be such a shallow cunt and I could add you to the list of girls I've [B]used. dillusions not . 9 plus inches and the ability to fuck all night gets me about 50 plus girls a year... so If you think your less than thought out shallow remark matters your dillusional..[/B]

This is just one example of the quality of men on the site.

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Are men insensitive or just stupid?